for a guy they do not like or even find unattractive there is generally no difficulty in rejecting, being disagreeable, very assertive, or even flat out cruel with some. i was quiet, introverted, and i stayed out of the limelight. so girls drink a lot to overcome their natural inhibitions and boys drink a lot to work up the courage and voila! if this woman, or any other woman, wants to avoid this fate then the answer is simple: don’t lie down with an asshole in the first place. it’s so simple, in fact, that it’s insane how much time us women spend trying to figure out what a guy’s thinking. it’s the same reason that successful societies tend to collapse into decadence.”this is an area where women may actually be exaggerating their sexual experience, for fear of feeling like a unicorn. next time you think about hooking up with someone, ask yourself if the things he’s saying are among the potential lies men tell to seduce you. he of course thought i wanted to have sex or make out at least and things went from uncomfertable to borderline serious misunderstanding when it was revealed that i didn’t want any of these things. all inter-sexual acts between men and women, the most common — by far, bar none — is the act of a woman rejecting a man’s advance/request. many women are just not able to say, “it doesn’t matter what this awesome guy thinks about me when i refuse to hook up with him tonight. what i do know for certain is, that when i was your age i certainly talked to women, flirted, smiled, said hello, as did all my friends. on the other hand, you could say they’re performing a service for other men. in denice ann evans’ documentary spitting game she interviews several guys who “rave” about these girls. most of all, i want to be able to assume that i'm going to see him and hear from him regularly without feeling like i'm totally mentally unhinged.'s something magical about a fresh start in a relationship, whether it's something brand new or just trying to figure out how to turn a hookup into a relationship. a guy who wants to be your boyfriend will want to linger with you afterwards. but also similar when it comes to committed relationships – as we all become very tight lipped with the intimate details when we are dating a guy seriously or official with him. they don’t understand why i want to take them on real dates and actually listen to what they have to say. if you raise your daughter 1) to be extremely afraid of authority, anger, or disapproval, and 2) that any male in the entire world has authority over any female anywhere in the entire world, 3) that her entire identity and all chance for approval, acceptance, or success lies in “snagging” a man, and 4) that she has no right to decide anything for herself, an unintended consequence is you are raising a pushover with no authority in her “no. many of these women feel as though they got burned by players, but it seems as though many of these women get played over and over again, so it seems as though they are the ones to blame for their own poor choices? saddest part of the story is what young women took away from this: blow jobs aren’t really sex (but you’d better learn how to do them anyway). the next is never having sex with someone with whom he doesn’t intend to revisit. lest you mistake my intent in writing this post, let me make it clear that i don’t really have a problem with bigearn or any of the commenters. make a list of pros and cons to help you clarify what it actually is that you want — and if it's this person or not. unless she does something completely out of left field(like randomly cheat on him with like 4 or 5 guys one night and embarrass him socially), they will always uphold that respect, even after the relationship ends. the woman who scowls and turns her head when you look at her, the woman who refuses to smile back, the woman crosses her arms and looks bored when you open your mouth to talk to her — and, if you get over all those hurdles, the vast majority of the time a man’s reward is simply to hear that, no, the woman is not interested in hanging out later, or any time this century.@seeds of lifethere are a lot more reasons, but here’s the real rub: there is absolutely nothing you can do to prevent women from making terrible choices for themselves in the absence of any substantial social ethics. our ex-prez not only had a bit of a loose mom but also a charming, “traveling salesman” sort of father. perhaps i could introduce you to a man — or two, or three, or ten million — who’s just lived through his 1,000th firm and unmistakable rejection from a woman, and you can explain to him just how hard it is for women to say no.”it’s something i never thought about before until i had a quite good looking and charming boyfriend who hinted this at me. the only places where this doesn’t happen is in highly religious and sex segregated cultures where marriages are arranged. either (a) there’s been some sort of generational/plate tectonic change, so that young men today aren’t willing/able to put in the same work in approaching women that we did back then, or (b) nice guys are actually approaching you all the time, but you simply deem them unacceptably unattractive immediately — as happened to me and my friends twenty years ago — and don’t register the fact that they even tried. i’m sure that the vast majority of those women don’t feel sorry for the “nice guys” who are overlooked by the women who flock to douchey players. of times a young woman is given a choice to either go farther than she wants to with a guy or to lose the guy’s attention. he trying to be your boyfriend or just hook up? you yourself said, “incentives drive behavior”, yet it is not only women that offer incentives, it is also the guys you rack with and play along side. what is bad and evil, imo, is not recognizing reality for what it is, and instead indulging in ludicrous, self-serving fantasies about how accommodating, un-hurtful and eager to please women are. they don’t skimp on some of the typical family values either.@grerp i had a young man (mid-twenties, attractive, squeaky clean looking) offer me his seat at a parents’ meeting i showed up late to last night. your intimate details(how your naked body looks, how you perform in bed, weird habits you have, grooming details, etc, etc) will be made public, and many guys you don’t even know or like will be fully aware of them.” they want to please him because obviously they’re invested in what he thinks.”i’d to like to take this time to personally confirm that rock-ribbed republican women swallow as well. walsh– few women will be able to see this guy for who he is until they’ve already been profoundly hurt, even emotionally damaged by him. if you’re already in certain situations and you’ve started to feel some sort of connection and you’re desperate for that male validation you will likely have a harder time saying no. and it’s also why very few happy couplings originate in bars – for obvious reasons, the men who avoid commitment excel in those settings. but “women have a hard time saying no” is really an award-winning cut above, one for the record books. just a thought on those super-handsome men with plain jane wives. this probably would produce the same result – the guy would still be alarmed and threatened. if he’s settling for you because he can’t get who or what he really wants – disaster!“some women seem to believe that if they can be as good as a porn star, a guy will fall for them, or at least keep them around indefinitely. all the on-campus parties are “dry” meaning no alcohol, and they were also weekend-only.“if you’d shown up looking like a cougar he probably wouldn’t have afforded you the same respect. you’ve already mentioned that you’d rather lie to avoid pain; but, by the criteria mentioned above this directly suggests that being honest is a good approach, if you want to be compassionate, just from the fact that it would make you uncomfortable. many women as of now won’t and don’t have to worry about labels as they’ll continue to have casual relations with men. even in college, groups take out against someone who hasn’t done anything and all that person has done is not be beautiful or not speak perfectly. they have many of the traits that are attractive/turn women on." so hey, i would know — just because it's a fling now doesn't mean anything for the future. course, you’re right about lies – i’m not sure how any of this gets confirmed.“many women are naturally more attracted to bad boy player alphas and are tempted by the sex with them that they can’t easily say no. as i also confirmed at a recent wedding, little has changed about the hookup culture. i guess it doesn’t include keeping secrets, but at least women are held accountable for real behaviors, not made up ones. the 5 referred to here probably thinks she’s about to get a commitment – after all, they’ve hooked up a few weekends in a row, and there doesn’t seem to be another girl on the scene…. is perfect advice for men, and is roughly what i will tell my son when he is old enough. i realize that many girls may unfairly reject guys with perfectly good intentions when they’re asked out on a date or asked to hang out., why not throw a bout of impotence in for good measure., a man, as you described, who thinks any individual woman has very little value to him should not be in a relationship and would not want to be in a relationship to begin with. with perhaps a few gifted exceptions, men eat, drink and sleep rejection. you want to party, your only options are friday and saturday nights if you want to see a decent number of people, and some weekends you will find nothing. but if she is good looking, entertaining, fun to be around, and not a time/money pit then it is not as big a problem as you think. are very few mainstream american women who make it to the age of 21 having had only 1 sexual partner. the fact that they don’t say no to alpha assholes even though it could be hazardous for them not to is meaningful in that context. we don’t expect women to make good choices, so we don’t hold them accountable and we don’t warn them of the risks.@soxit’s up to men to understand that they’re not on women’s radars and make the necessary adjustments. boys are ass hats, and they are actively screwing somebody over.
contrast to the above, i had a young man (mid-twenties, attractive, squeaky clean looking) offer me his seat at a parents’ meeting i showed up late to last night. i can’t tell you how many times, i have been blown away by the sight of really good-looking guys, who are dating/married to very average looking women. again – i think it’s because the guys who are in those situations are more likely to have actively placed themselves there. have written about this topic, though it focuses more on herpes:I think as we get older, most (but not all) guys stop this kind of thinking, because most eventually realize how counterproductive it is.@aldonzathat’s because they’re all spending hours blogging and battling on comment thread wars., talking about how we shouldn’t blame the other woman because it’s our partner who was in the relationship and decided to cheat. why aren’t they talking to me and giving me the option of going out with them? if he or she only wants you to come over and have sex with him, that's not a great indicator that he or she likes you for who you are and wants to spend time with you because you're smart and interesting. that’s the truth, sad as it is, because everytime guys see her they will remember that story. if she’s a 5, guys might say “yeah, she is kind of average looking” behind her boyfriends back, but they won’t blatantly insult her and call her “disgusting” or “mannish” unless she already has a prior history and there are well known “stories” already available about her. it’s wrong, and i don’t want to keep hearing it. i didn’t want to make the post about her or feminism in any way, but i’m glad you made this point. so many random people demeans the physical act of making love in an intimate relationship, basically cheapening it to not much more than “just another penis or vagina.” most of the men advisers i read say to be like that. 31, 2010 257 commentsit’s been expressed by numerous women here, most recently by sara, the writer of the letter in yesterday’s post, that sitting out the casual sex scene in college means getting very little male attention. not the best strategy if you want to keep the poon train running on time. i went to a school of 1,000 and in an environment like that, we’d really shoot ourselves in the foot by sharing which girls did what with whom. a guy who wants to be your boyfriend will make you feel like a priority — you’ll sense that he wants you and is thinking about you because he’ll behave accordingly. sometimes they're cute and traditional, like "we met in line at starbucks," but more often than not, couples begin in this gray area: "oh, we hooked up for a few months before i finally had the guts to ask her if she actually liked me or not. do not agree that women can’t be trusted to make their own choices if you mean to include all women. when i say “prioritize” i mean exactly that, put first things first. we all gossip and talk behind each other’s backs but to be outright cruel to someone’s face?”and here i was thinking, because of his background, looks, neighborhood, etc that all guys like him were players. i get where you are coming from – women like the one in this post are understandable targets for good men who stand by while college hockey players discard women left and right. there are many indicators of this, for example if he answers the question “what do you want to do in life? what’s on you is that you slammed the door. but i had a very easy time saying no to casual hook ups, alcohol, cigarettes and partying. by sharing objective information about biology, research, economics, feminism, sexual psychology, and the experiences of real men and women i aim to arm young men and women with information that may help them avoid some of that. way this blog tries to orient the problem of modern sexual dynamics towards retarded caricatures of “players” is the height of hubris on the part of women. i guess i just enjoy giving advice/responding to posts like this because quite frankly i find women and dealing with them very interesting. way to avoid is to be a relationship only girl who doesn’t put out quickly. i can write post after post about red flags, and most men will give clues to poor character, or at least their unwillingness to commit.’s up to men to understand that they’re not on women’s radars and make the necessary adjustments. people who have no emotional investment in you beyond getting their rocks off won’t care about your feelings, your right to privacy, your social standing and your sensitivity. for my daughter however i’ll point out that plenty of other women are capable of looking past poor initial delivery to find high quality guys. the jerk has ruined himself for relationships, same as the woman who rode that carousel. however as a guy i actually have been legitimately oblivious at times because i admittedly suck at picking up on subtle hints. if you came dressed as an orangutang you would have had an offer of marriage. i’m willing to bet that this is the experience of a lot of young women. so, unless you’re willing to make the argument that there’s been a huge generational change in a short time, then i don’t want to keep hearing the “good guys don’t show up” canard. in fact, many women learn from their mistakes, just as men do!” it sounds like you have had a bad experience with one or more women. they don’t want to be humiliated and called names behind their backs, and i can sort of understand that. is not alone; her feelings are typical of many young women in college who want a relationship, not a random hookup. but if i were talking to an executive who wanted to sell more cars i would still tell him he needs to hire more smooth sales guys and buy more ad space. common lies that men tell women that we choose to believe . you’d be surprised at the things (young) women are willing to do for men they’re attracted to…and i’ve definitely heard girls talk shit about the guys they hook-up with, but i think the difference is that guys don’t care as much—unless he’s impotent or something. the stuff above is pretty tame actually compared to stuff i heard back when i was bouncing, and from the “player” i work with. since when is not slamming the door in some woman’s face considered an act of chivalry? other times they lack good information from which to draw., erdos, the sexual market you’re describing only exists sometimes in some places for some people., i know that many young women in college would rather say yes and get it over with than risk a confrontation with possible aggression. i said that women have every right not to share that information, and to change their lives by changing their promiscuous behavior. i haven’t even morally judged men who have lots of sex with different women”and why not? they get perplexed, confused and in most cases turned off, and very soon after i’ll hear another story involving them and a hookup with some guy who could care less about them as human beings but is content to just get his rocks off. the next time you’re agonizing over what’s going on, just ask yourself these five *obvious* questions to keep yourself in check:Who’s doing most of the texting? my generation went to grade school during a time when we were bombarded with campaigns to be inclusive, stop bullying, appreciate multiculturalism, etc. they are grown women and that is the decision they made. do however think that it can be a harder problem for women – largely in that women are more likely to regret those split second decisions more so than a man will. some girls just seem to feel like it’s rude or unkind to say no, firmly and decisively. the generalizations you are making are fairly common among critics of selective higher education, but if you actually came and spent enough time here, you’d lose them quickly. say women are not attracted to monogamous men, but why do i know so many women who are monogamous and who are with monogamous men? bear in mind what i’ve said so far about the total absence of punishment for or constraint over sexual transgressions. is this true of the “player” types but not of the nice guys, and the nice guys aren’t getting a look in with women who want to reserve sex for a long-term relationship? that is not the same as saying they seek men who never commit. he talked about how he hooked up with her(the way he described her was nothing more than how one would describe some sort of sex toy, just a tool really). this whole post started with discussion of some man’s behavior, degrading a woman he’d been with to his friends, that i would certainly describe as “asshole-ish” (perhaps “assholic”? all advice i ever got was “use a condom” and that pushed me into doing it way too early simply because no-one had explained me why i should wait. i go to parties, games, lectures, plays, dance performances, etc. in my view, that is the ideal place for a girl to potentially meet a “decent” guy type who just isn’t after getting laid right away, and it provides a forum where a guy can potentially engage in conversation without getting shot down right away. look back on my relationship history and i had no intention of marrying any of the men i dated – until i met my husband. story… at the beginning of the summer i ran into a friend at lunch, who introduced me to a bartender friend of hers. there’ll be some cuddling, some pillow talk, maybe you’ll get coffee together or even breakfast. story regarding this girl, btw, was told to the entire football team assembled in the meeting room. i would imagine you’d want a straight, fairly honest rejection instead of a platitude that insults your intelligence.
women are experts, grand masters, black belts in saying “no”, with thousands of hours of flight training under their belts (no pun intended). guess it just shows how little respect is shown in amongst the hooking-up scene – for girls and guys. this is one thing i wondered about at the time you first said it. put down the porn guys, go outside… meet an actual woman. i have friends like this; trust me, i know what they do. i’m really enjoying blogging because it gives me the creative outlet.. not just because of the derogatory ways in which they are talking about these women they have hooked-up with but just the thought that i have most likely been discussed in this exact way to someone else too.’m in such a situation right now with a co-worker who keeps calling me “sweetie” and “dear”. which means that angelina got a cheater in the bargain.) i can’t answer for anyone else, but i’m basically looking for someone that feels the same way. won’t tell anyoneyou’re amazingi never do thisi have a high paying jobi can’t wait to be a fatheri just want to cuddle. i’m really talking about threads where guys say “she’s too skinny, i wouldn’t hit that,” etc. women have trouble saying no to men they don’t find attractive? writing or advising them to do the contrary is a waste of time. i really don’t know how most men feel about that. so you might want to re-visit how realistic, or restrictive, you’re being in your judgement here.) trying to look “nice” and inoffensive in a rejection can really be a way of using your leverage to preserve a positive image for yourself, which is cruel because your self-image comes at the other person’s expense. ignorance is bliss, until they realize they never get the commitment. it’s other women saying it’s “manipulative” to hold out for a commitment. if you find that either (1) you can’t detect assholes in advance, or (2) you can’t resist assholes, then you’ve identified the main problem as being in yourself, not in the men of the world. at age 12-13, all men will be forcibly removed from their households, and sent to spf sex reeducation camps led by amanda marcotte.,You asked how women can avoid men like the hockey player when they often hide their true asshole-ness from girls with whom they are trying to score. way to avoid is to be a relationship only girl who doesn’t put out quickly., those three come up all the time on this blog! the older guys would steer the pledges or guys they hoped to pledge to these toasters at parties. women are socialized to be nice and please others, like susan and the other women commenting have said. of those women choose to be with players, so why should we feel sorry for them? a vast change in culture and societal norms and perhaps the reintroduction of certain behaviors being shamed. wish someone had told me instead, “sex is something you might want to wait with because of x, y and z. i think with all the focus on the physical act of sex, people forget about the heart and soul of love, that it is not just about the “hottest” partner or the one with the highest “objective” sexual market value, but about something deeper and more magical. well i think most of the girls doing most of the hooking up and 7s (pretty) 6’s (cute) and 5s (plain; kinda cute), who can basically only get solid alphas or lesser alphas by hooking up with them. and women won’t be able to find men to support them as the jobs they took away from men pretty much is a guarantee that many will end up single for the remainder of their lives. also, i agree that extremely good looking women are most likely to pursue this strategy. a group of other girls would call guys on the phone and pretend to be her, asking guys out with a fake speech impediment that sounded like the deaf girl. let’s throw in some nasty genital rashes for good measure. if you've been acting like you're fine with the hookup, it's now time to start changing your behavior and see if her or she reciprocates. as long as these women are not going to remain viable as marriage material and insist on rejecting good men, i desire to see the destruction of their reputations and self-esteem to be thoroughly finished. you’re doing it again, making a general statement about the way girls and women feel and act, which is in general not true. i would add that since many operate under the assumption that women don’t have moral agency that this can lead to the very lack of information you reference. young men today have little incentive to commit and to respect the privacy of their female hookups, so they don’t do it. because i can guarantee you that the woman who is the subject of this thread would not find these comments benign, especially the original question from bigearn. as you put it, we did give women the chance to go out with us, but vanishingly few took us up on it. don’t know your background, but you don’t seem to be a participant in american hookup culture. sometimes people spend their entire lives pining after lost loves. met this hot blond at [irish bar] and she blew me in the bathroom. i think the case of ml and clinton is obviously an extreme example – she was no pillar of moral strength, but i always felt that the power imbalance and age difference lay the blame primarily at his feet. hooking up will come after hanging out in ways that don’t involve hooking up.. i’m singleif a man really wants to hook up with you, he’s not going to risk you walking away.“plenty of women can attest to how much pressure there is on regular girls to be agreeable and noncontroversial”. i am somewhat acquainted with this girl, and she seems to be a pretty decent person overall. many of us aren't waiting to have sex, and we aren't establishing boundaries and labels in our interactions with the men or women we're interested in.@esauwhat is bad and evil, imo, is not recognizing reality for what it is, and instead indulging in ludicrous, self-serving fantasies about how accommodating, un-hurtful and eager to please women are. i highlight examples like this because women need to understand how they’re really seen by the men they’re hooking up with. but i’m not sure if the explosion was to blame. these are little signs that your fling could be heading towards some sort of real relationship. @dalrock:i think susan’s explanation of this women saying no subject is really good, much better than mine. saying all this i know personally with my group of girlfriends we can be rather ruthless and share intimate details about guys we’ve hooked up with in rather derogatory ways too.“can anyone explain why in the world a man would ever “commit” (modern definition) to a modern girl, who can leave or even cheat on him at any time without a single consequence? the answer, most likely, is that you’re not attracted to a man who respects you; and, once again, we locate the problem as being in you, not in men at large. might find out something that will destroy any feelings you have for him. this outright rudeness/ insensitivity/meanness you’re talking about when it comes to interactions between the sexes – i see it rarely. the woman is indeed probably quite happy with the arrangement, and she will be until he “deletes her number” which he is on the verge of doing.) however, in a situation where the two are meeting for the first and possibly only time, then it’s unlikely a woman will see past inept delivery because she has no knowledge of his other qualities. they had an ugly dog and i remember everyone said the dog looked like the husband. when you start hearing “-2” regularly screamed across the room at parties, then you know you’ve been successful. that’s my experience, and the experience of nearly all my friends: nice guys try, but women say no. because to me, it seems that the latter is pretty much in the same boat with dark game – misleading someone intentionally, and in a way that is probably detrimental to their well-being, in order to get what you want in the smp.“the college version of this is women automatically despising their bf’s exes, or their ex’s new gf. is it really that difficult to avoid such absolute assholes among men? not having kids is something you should seriously think about. i say no all the time – even in the heat of the moment. it’s safer for me to just ignore girls i like(and most of the others to) than to actually try and court them. or just that former party girls should get their just desserts? that’s paternalism, and women everywhere have shaken off and excoriated patriarchy. think the thing which irks me the most about the sexual revolution is how many people want to freely switch between standards of morality depending on what currently suits them best at the time.
but it’s telling to me that big brother doesn’t know if she has or she hasn’t. they come to think they’re above the need for the petty morality of the little people. i’m saying i dont care why a man wants a serious relationship. women are socialized to be nice and please others, like susan and the other women commenting have said. grew up with three brothers, and what they pounded into me growing up was, “there are girls men play with, and there are girls men take seriously. and serial cheaters are very good at preying on the young and stupid, getting hopes up and even lying as to their marital status to get what they want. i haven’t had a gf in years but i like to think that i consistently hook up with 7s or so on a pretty regular basis. okay fine…how does that make them any different from men? it’s mixed company, we’re all civil most of the time, and there’s no need for snide commentary. if women have free access to any kind of relationship with anyone they want, with the onus being completely upon them to make any decision at any stage in time, they will act in a way that immediately satisfies their emotional and physical desires. so back to the point, some guys who’ve probably experienced very harsh rejection are hearing this “well we just give in to what the guys want”, know it doesn’t square with their reality at all, but don’t realize it is only the 10-20% of men women find super attractive that they have a hard time saying no to. do you really want a guy or girl who acts like that? because then they start talking about the girl they do in fact like that they see as out of their reach (i’m assuming because she won’t jump into bed with them straight off the bat) as though she is on a pedestal and asking me for advice. women have free access to any kind of relationship with anyone they want, with the onus being completely upon them to make any decision at any stage in time, they will act in a way that immediately satisfies their emotional and physical desires. that’s not in my nature, and i accept that this choice will mean less sexual gratification for me. these days i shake my head at finding out that my twentysomething nephews manage to get girlfriends just by texting, because when i was single, courtship was the norm. a guy who only cares about hooking up won’t text you unless you text him first, except when he’s horny, of course. the difference between middle class and the mega-wealthy has increased tremendously. comment here was specifically to refute the “good guys don’t show up” canard that you and so many other women can’t let go of.“good guys don’t show up” is not an objective statement of fact. being with him for a while i realized he had some “issues” that would turn some women off.’s interesting that you mention the sp feminists – there’s a certain irony in their insisting that women aren’t built to want emotion with sex, even though they’re living it. you’re retreating to simply informing women that these men are “[not] good relationship material”, that bodes as ill for their future happiness as would doing nothing. she has summer-teeth… some go this way, some go that way. we don’t have that many options when so many guys are trying to get in on the free sex bandwagon. women need to realize how they’re discussed the morning after. really, i think guys need to think twice about telling these kinds of stories.@annisome girls just seem to feel like it’s rude or unkind to say no, firmly and decisively. women like the one in this post obviously don’t, but that is not true for all women, or even a majority. it’s not bad, or good, that men view sexual partners this way.” no, what i’m saying, on the contrary, is that women have a problem saying “no” to situations/people that they would avoid normally and it needs to be remedied. women could have all the casual sex they want, assuming they aren’t picky.@esau,i think i should say something even more basic. if you caluclate hourly wages, the differnce between men and women is much slimmer. i can’t say that there was an over socializing of this in my life, however, the message is loud and clear now that a woman with well-articulated opinions, preferences and boundaries is a “bitch”. he wasn’t burned but his face wasn’t symmetrical. that it’s virtually impossible to find a man who’ll wait and doesn’t just want sex? until women create these incentives, things will remain the same. sometimes they’ll just respond by being disrespectful to you. women marry all the time, if you count sex before marriage as “promiscuous”. complaining that women are being hurt by ‘players’ would be honestly laughable were the truth not so tragic..i’ve read a number of things on this blog that show just how disconnected from reality women can be (though, to be fair, i will credit female hus commenters as being noticeably less delusional than other communities, such as modern-day feminists)..here’s a good working definition: you’ve treated someone cruelly and/or harshly if (i) they come away feeling very bad, and (ii) you could have delivered the same information in a way that didn’t cause that. also feel like i’m the lucky one, because he does so much for me in return. you address that piece – the responsibility that every person has for his or her own happiness, then i’m afraid you’re bound to keep hearing the same things from women. the jerk has ruined himself for relationships, same as the woman who rode that carousel. and if they were able to do that, it would solve a lot of the problems, i think, because guys know how to take advantage of the gray, indecisive areas. as one of the other commenters once put it, women must own the problem before being able to do anything about it. i was only talking about situations where a girl is already getting to know a guy, dating him, hanging out with him, etc. guys aren’t just a bunch of mindless, heartless sex machines. anytime before then is a serious red flag to a guy. is almost no job growth in infrastructure building here in the us, and men excel at infrastructure. for example, if a girl blows off a guy’s advance with a transparently lame excuse, ie “no, i have to wash my hair that night”, you might not consider this “cruel and harsh” but i certainly would. a lot of those women have massive egos and refuse to settle for a guy who is of comparable attractiveness because they have deluded themselves into believing that they are more attractive than they really are.@erdosis there anyone other than susan (she’s still more than welcome to try) who can explain to me how women withholding sex, in a system where neither sex is held to any communal standard or constrained by any law, will produce commitment in their partners?: some girls just seem to feel like it’s rude or unkind to say no, firmly and decisively …..so, ladies, get it straight: being rejected is the norm for male life, and rejecting is the norm for women’s behavior.“i’ve seen threads where guys say they wouldn’t even consider having sex with megan fox. but the blanket statements on this forum (ie, “women really are inclined to be people pleasers – it’s in our nature, and it’s strongly reinforced in the culture. my friends at various state and private schools in new york, pennsylvania and new jersey can go out at least 3-4 times a week, and there is always at least one decent sized party on each of those days. i said repeately – and no doubt others on here said the same thing throughout this blog’s history – you’d do better to simply meet people who share common “high level” interests, hobbies, and activities.! i remember one time i took a guy up to my room, frankly just because i didn’t want to offend them. in my opinion, women who are average or slightly above average are more successful with men. then he described how desperate she was to get him “hard” one time, so much so that she said “what can i do? the whole purpose of this blog is to aid young women in making choices that lead to a man committing to them., i don’t believe we’ve met before, and your input is welcome – however, you should know that the kind of language and tone welcome at many of the game blogs is not really how we converse here. she was sexually free, unashamed of her multiple abortions, and aggressive. maybe they don’t want to admit that a man wants more than just friends, because she’s just not interested. can anyone explain why in the world a man would ever “commit” (modern definition) to a modern girl, who can leave or even cheat on him at any time without a single consequence? i’m curious to know if it still works this way in some places – where girls shut down once they get a rep., can you give an example of a compassionate way to turn someone down? why don’t you instead become invested in a man who’ll respect you and not make uncomfortable demands? do you want athlone to nag them about all that too? i don’t know how this would be accomplished but i assume it would have something to do with changing how american girls are socialized. i wish someone had told me instead, “sex is something you might want to wait with because of x, y and z.
you understand that these men will just leave for greener pastures, right? as you put it, we did give women the chance to go out with us, but vanishingly few took us up on it. if you count all forms of advance and request — and there’s no reason you shouldn’t — then the typical man is rejected ten times a day, every day, for ten thousand days of his life. what has been said about saying “no” and women rejecting men. notice that the question of the ethics of preserving the reputation of the girls you’ve hooked up with has come up. what the girls mean is they get extra pressure by bad boys, and they don’t know what to do. in many schools, a girl with a reputation for hooking up winds up being torn between any negative attention she may get from some guys and other girls, and the positive sexual validation she receives from guys who will happily target a promiscuous girl. would you want to be rejected, if the roles were reversed? youre saying i don’t care what a man wants from a serious relationship. women need to realize how they’re discussed the morning after. i’m not going to say i don’t reject men. another way to think is in terms of standing; is there a way to reject someone that still leaves them with some standing and self-respect? he went on and on about it, saying “yeah , i met her, we hooked up a few times, i called her and she was available so whatever” etc, etc. that his daughter’s wedding was celebrated as an american royal wedding and he got to walk her down the aisle and stand in the happy father/husband spot in the pictures says it all. if you both understand this is drunken weekend happy time and you’re not involved…. it’s not surprising that many frustrated young women wind up dropping panties while drunk, hoping for the best, just to be included, part of the scene, having a normal college experience. in the exception to the rule the husband was a pretty homely guy with a fairly pretty but somewhat of a ball-busting harpy wife., not sure how i botched the cut and paste on that, but have revised my comment to address esau, which was my intention. the second hoop is to find a man who has expectations of monogomy that mesh well with mine.’s being said here is that although women are raised to be “eager to please”, then still have no problem shutting down guys—-unless they find them attractive. women are indeed the gatekeepers and that’s the point of the post – don’t give it up for alpha asshats. can’t guarantee what’s happening among young people today, but i am certain that “good guys don’t show up” was categorically wrong — let me make that categorically wrong — when i was that age. i was only talking about situations in which a guy is asking a girl to do something she’s not really comfortable with and she already knows the guy and likes him. recent story i heard was about another female athlete on campus and the hookups she had with one of my teammates. less girls at our parties and a harder time getting laid. so, that begs the question — how do you push your summer fling into an actual relationship? but when a girl enters into that agreement, she opens herself up to public ridicule amongst many of her hookup’s friends, and that information will spread quickly. think we need to differentiate some here, and just take a vacation from the word solipsism. it really should not be hard for people who share similar interests and hobbies to meet. unfortunately, i have no idea or solution how to get them “in the game”. might as well go for the girls who are ready for some bed hopping. even if there are no doubts, sometimes a simple background check is in order just in case. if anything, she’s been derided for poor judgment and extreme denial. and they don’t deserve a dressing down for asking the questions that women ask. for women, it’s not reasonable to think that a jerk with a promiscuous past is going to enjoy monogamy – perhaps ever. the problem with the guy who is so smooth that every woman wants him, is that while you are together his chances of cheating are exponentially higher than a less flashy guy. mainstream america women also make a distinction between short term and long term relationship men. the reasons why an individual man might want to commit to you are important. enough, but the whole point is that a small percentage of men – probably less than 5%, actually, are so good at playing the part of an honest, decent, caring and empathic individual that they successfully hide their true character long enough that a woman has thoroughly been conned into falling for them. if they work up the courage to talk to a girl, they go and screw it up by being completely oblivious to the signs she’s putting out and by not taking their friends’ (me!.clues can also be found in figuring out exactly why to avoid some approaches that you already know from experience are bad. i’ve seen threads where guys say they wouldn’t even consider having sex with megan fox. we did so poorly and ineptly, as judged by women’s responses; but we did get out there and try. a guy who’s all about hooking up will start getting antsy afterwards… instead of closeness, you’ll feel distance. no man would want to marry her now unless he was raised in a cave somewhere and knew nothing about her. we are easily made to feel guilty for not acquiescing – someone else gave the example of blue balls, which is a good one, i think. think both want the family life and are genuinely happy with that aspect. i work with a bazillion closeted gay men married to women who probably know the deal and are ok with it. he’d gotten there on time and was entitled to his chair. i recently went on a date with a woman who informed me that during her annual physical she was informed that she had cervical cancer cells in her body, although they had not yet formed a tumor. what a man/men expect out commitment is important to whether he is happy with his relationship. point is that the inability to say no to attractive people isn’t unique to women.“but there are some who will play the part of being everything a woman wants, only to dispose of her once he’s made the conquest. for a “partner” is a lot like screening applicants as a hiring manager and i’ve done a lot of both, so believe me when i tell you that why matters.: “it is not plausible, much less reasonable, to ask women to see beyond poor and inept delivery. that’s their decision, and while i was frustrated and somewhat saddened(especially when i was younger), i’ve come to accept it.’m not insecure but i do get some self-satisfaction out of trying to work new girls, but then again who doesn’t? some of the “field reports” i’ve read strain credulity based on the looks of the guy writing, in cases where his pic was available. women actively seek men with a history sans commitment, because it implies he has success with other women. at least this way other men get some warning about what these women are like. we have some of the stereotypical party dudes and girls here like you’d expect at college, but they aren’t as common at all because few of them actually get in. you might think this a contrived example, but i believe that most rejections by women have this same essential element: even if it’s couched in nominally soft or neutral language — in many cases, overly polite language is effectively even more insulting and offensive — the message gets across that she has no more regard for him than a bug. many of those women are destined to remain single the rest of their lives because of hypergamy. again, i think it just speaks to the fact that the average woman basically has no conception whatsoever of the dating/sex reality of the 0-75% percentile of guys. might also say he provided a service for other women. i know for a while in my last years flat we had a wall of shame for all the boys that left the flat on friday and sunday mornings. you basically have paper-pushers and managerial type of jobs left, which women fill to the satisfaction of their bosses due to their lack of “rebelliousness. call it the romantic in me or something, but i think this kind of connection transcends sex or physical contact. you cannot do what this blog is trying to do, which is keep the paradigm of the sexual revolution and guide women into following what’s best for them. they might enjoy screwing girls who quickly hook up with them and they will do so often just to get their jollies off. i don’t even know how to advise women to guard against such a man – with his skill, and absence of conscience or empathy, he will play a woman hard before she even knows what hit her. you tend to define it as a problem for women, and one that they can solve. there may be other ways in which guys have trouble saying no, but i think when it comes to sex, i think it’s decidedly more rare for the woman to be the one pushing for more than the guy is willing to give. point of this blog is to support people who want relationships and are finding them difficult to get in the smp. i did say that speaking for myself only, i would not share a partner count of 36, which is what the woman in the post had.