Signs he's more than a hookup, and talked after, still asking me questions and trying to get to know me. my question is does he really want me and is it legit? he says he doesn’t want a defined relationship because he feels like past relationships have gone down hill as soon as their labled.” you’re having sex, you certainly have every right to understand what it means to each of you. real problem with fwb is that no matter what rational boundaries are set, the hindbrain does what it wants, and odds are somebody’s going to want more. he sat next to me and held my hand under his leg and was hugging me and teasing me in front of them.. i really don’t know what to do because he didn’t give any warning, and i think it was my outburst that caused this. thanks, again, for responding and for the tactful method that you suggested. language, and many so called 'dating rituals' here are to me most peculiar, to say it kindly. i don’t understand what he is up to but i’m just trying to be a cool friend. i don’t know if that even pushes him away from me. susan,its me again…so i wasn’t able to hold out long and i confronted the man and we had a small talk about “us. there are too many women around him i think and he is a guy that would attract women very easily (eh, libra), and i feel he would not ignore the opportunities… i don’t know whether he is just playing his game, i can’t believe how much affectionate someone can be while acting on the other hand. things have changed, he does not text like he used too everyday, no goodmorning texts, not many flirty ones. the only problem is now that i don’t have a bf i am developing feelings for him or at least am able to act on feelings i had but i am not sure how he feels. i realized that the girl was still there with him. he got really defensive and tried assuring me to stick it out and see where it goes. i have no doubts that he likes me he is always telling me that am pretty, attractive. we write to each other almost everyday in between and he calls me for some lengthy talks. here is the kicker…he made it clear he is emotionally unavailable for a relationship right now. i didnt even notice him honestly, and he grabbed my attention and seemed really surprised & energetic. so he misses me, we are exclusive, he texts me everyday (i never text first) and / or phones me…. i walked by and he tried stopping me and asking if i was mad. other words, he has to decide now if he sees a possible future with you. and we didn’t have sex, but while we were hooking up he was clearly focused on me. we talked about the lack of time issue and i said well if i met someone i really wanted then i suppose i’d make time for them and that obviously i haven’t met that person yet, he then asked if i’d have a relationship with him, i said yes he asked why and i said cos we get on really well, he is my kinda normal with good values/morals etc and the sex is great. but still i’m not sure if he is my boyfriend, or wants to be, or if we’re fwbs. sure, you can say “he knows it’s just sex and nothing more,” but you should be able to understand that once someone’s emotions start rolling the rational mind can’t make it stop. focus on hanging out and getting to know one another. make a list of pros and cons to help you clarify what it actually is that you want — and if it's this person or not. wouldn’t worry about this – the idea of “dating” as a long-term pattern of actually going on dates is almost unheard of in american colleges today. i remember we had a really deep conversation about our lives and he actually asked questions like “why do you make out with me? but after that night i told him, he seemed even more into me. you might have guessed, i am beyond early college years, (we both are in our mid-40's) – but as far as catching onto to american mannerism between men/women, i am a bloody virgin. they’re like super bff and my friends think thy flirt etc bc she’s safe.: guess this just means we need to see each other more often 🙂. say that you are confused and you want to know where things stand. partial blame here goes to romcoms and other cultural tropes where a guy “wears down” a semi-unwilling woman with a nice guy beta-bonding script. it’s wonderful how you take the time to respond to all these women by delivering practical yet caring advice. i realized later that day that he was asking “what are we? seems we met during one of his diciest times, & i am not inclined to berate or have a tantrum, i just like to be able to draw some conclusions/assessments and then see what feels right and how to proceed. i’m sure his feelings were hurt that you went up to his room and then wouldn’t so much as kiss him. later that i asked my friend what was said and he told me that he changed the subject just the way he did when he talked about me before. this guy gives me crazy mixed signals and it is hard for me to tell whether he likes me as more than just a friend. their relationship didn't last long at all, just a few weeks really. if he has feelings for you and fights them, he’s not emotionally available. think an important point to make is that when it comes to the sex it’s all down to me. i also enjoy his company so much, particularly the hooking up. the only thing that matters is what he says he wants, and whether he behaves consistently with what he says. i just don’t feel like he fits the list at all. hooking up will come after hanging out in ways that don’t involve hooking up. he wanted you to be his girlfriend, then he would eventually set up a dinner with his family, so that you could meet his parents. i moved away again and we kept in touch and hed ask me advice on a girl he liked and they eventually got together. i don’t think he drove down for another reason because his brother ended up going to visit his family for the holidays a few days after that so i took it that the main reason he came down was for me. he made me feel like he really likes me and he knows i like him and i don’t understand why he is acting the way he is. now we can go a week without talking as in before we would talk in some form everyday. at any time either of you could meet someone you like more. it hurt me but at the same time, i just understood cause he was there by himself and probably felt lonely., not all of the men you’re interested in are going to be interested in you–at least not in the way that you want them to be. he has agreed not to see anyone else, but that’s meaningless. must add that i was not born nor raised here, english is my 4. we cook together, take walks, go to parties together, etc. his friends call him a manwhore, he probably is one, b/c guys usually have each other’s backs on that in front of girls. how do i broach this with him so it does not sound like i am needy cos i’m not would just like to know whats he thinks is happening cos i have no idea. he trying to be your boyfriend or just hook up? he has made it clear that he only wants to have sex with me, and he expects the same from me. it sounds like the attraction is there but he was taking it slow on the sex. get asked out by the opposite sex fairly often, and i also do get setup by friends on dates.-i met this guy a month ago and he has become my fwb. but anyway, i know he’s into me, but when i asked him what he considers us yesterday he didn’t really know. he said he hasnt fallen for anyone this fast and everything about me seems right. the hot roommate is male, then he is definitely thinking of you in a primarily sexual way. most of all, don't expect the conversation to resolve immediately. when i asked him if we were on the same page he said he likes me alot and not to worry about anything. i was gentlemanly at the time and said i understood and recieved a very passionate kiss outside her dorm but was left out in the cold with a major boner. wish i knew what he was feeling about what we did. i have two classes with him next semester, so i’ll be seeing him whether i want to or not. bonarrigoexperttom burnseditor see more videos explore yourtangolove heartbreak sex family self buzz. he said he thinks mqrrying a friene would be nice i asked him ifvwed date first and he saie yes and i asked if hed fheat and he said no. just because a man enjoys affection in the moment, doesn’t mean he’s ready to sign a lease. he was there for me when th eguy i was seeing cheated and drove to my uni to see me and just talk all night..So we started dating a little after halloween, and i know he def likes me bc from the beginning, he made all the first moves, asking for my number, texting me, and asking me out. the relationship sounds very promising overall, so i don’t think you should be afraid to raise the issue with him. after meeting up with him a few more times and his display of “affectionate bf” behavior, i asked him how he feels about all of this, mentioning also my feelings. after that we’d kiss and cuddle after work and we’d text and call each other but being 4 years younger i was way too scared to even find out if he was interested in more. in the meantime, it’s not realistic to expect chit chat texts, especially if he’s already said he likes to take things slowly. evolution does indeed happen 🙂i am so happy that you are sharing all this with many women / men who are stopping by this website. i’m assuming he’s not admitting any of this to his friend. i was unhappy back in the relationship, because i realized that i still liked him whenever i’d see him again. evidence for (1): you’re quite defensive about jesus’ assessment that you’re just boning. i also know that i have to bring these walls down if i were to ever get into a serious relationship.) photo: weheartit the 2 magic words that make men commit instantlyphoto: istock this shocking video shows the real reason you aren’t losing weightphoto: istock the 1-night challenge that totally revolutionized my relationshipphoto: weheartit the truth about how men choose the woman they're going to marryphoto: istock if you’re sick and nobody knows why, here’s what you need to knowphoto: weheartit the kind of woman he falls for hard, according to his zodiac signphoto: weheartit 3 mind games all narcissistic men play in relationships photo: weheartit do not say 'i love you' until you can honestly answer these 5 q'sexpert advicephoto: weheartit 3 mind games all narcissistic men play in relationships watch out for these signs. if you want to do that for yourself, i think that’s great, but don’t do it because he tells you to. normally, i find myself making excuses for the guys i like, but i want to see this situation for what it is. it would be great if i could get the best feedback from you as is possible! making out was great but the sex was a flop from my perspective (i was clearly more experienced). i first began talking to him it started on a hookup level which i was okay since i was coming out of a bad 2 year relationship, but after seeing how nice this guy was to meexamples: always responds to my texts/calls immediately, brings me around his friends, still talks to me after i fell in a pile of snow out of drunken clumsiness, shares common interests, kisses my foreheadi couldnt help but start liking the guy, but being over protective of my feelings i told him my new years resolution was to not have a boyfriend and no love in 2011. i have also learned not needing to slam or berate the 'other' when things are not working out the way it feels right or healthy.” then he automatically corrects himself with: “i mean, another guy., defense, it has been one hell of a ride, but he stands challenged by judgemental society and his father’s opposition to it all, our administration counts on me to overcome this phase in my life, and wants me to stabalize, and a.” i want him to bring it up to me first. he randomly used mine and said he would get his own soon.(an aside: i’m starting to react with rank insult at people, usually women, who ask me why i’m not thinking about marrying my lady friend. but it seems every time i think i have he sweet talks his way back into my life ans does the same tjing. he apologized for the late response and hopes everything is well with me. what is confusing me is the fact that his friends always tease him about his past girlfriends whenever i walk into the house, or tease him that he hooked up with another girl. spending every weekend together, meeting family and friends, daily contact – these are all behaviors of a couple! however, being a female, it is almost impossible to have sex without feeling something and getting attached in one way or another. i realized i didnt like my bf the way i did before. making out with somebody you’ve gone on a couple of dates with and/or hung out with just the two of you is not abnormal or slutty behavior. also he randomly texts me tue day after he broke his arm to hang out and have dinner. we have talked a few times and texted maybe once or twice…i don’t know if this guy likes me or what! took me to a hotel bar where a band as playing, he wanted to hear me sing (i sing for jazz band on the side) and he even took a video. don’t know you, but i have your best interests at heart here. so i just replied thanking him for responding and and that i’m not the type to chase or be pushy and all about letting things flow. i mean this was probably why i kept holding back my feelings towards him. i know he likes me a lot because he only dates girls he really cares about. do you think i should ask him why he wants me to move up there? even those this chap was the one pursuing and all that, is fabulously single, dashing, etc …. (at least not when expecting me to remain in the same room/conversation/relationship). i had a lengthy argument and at some point he said ‘you remind me of my ex’ and left the conversation. if he doesn’t reply, obviously he’s a cold case and you have to let it go. he right away says i like you alot lisa but i don’t think i’m ready for that. no guy, no ex for that matter even, has made me feel so loved before, ironically. often say that they enjoy intimacy in the moment, but that it doesn’t change their desire to stay single and pursue other women. he clearly pays attention to what i have to see. everyone at work seems to think there’s something between us (or there should be something going on; since we really seem to be into each other). to my questions, he answered he didn’t regret what had happened between us but it wasn’t the way he had wanted to do things; he said he liked me but it was complicated. he asked what i was doing later, and i told him about my plans to go to a screening of a snowboarding movie with my friend and he said sincerely that he hoped i have a time and he would see me laterstill no text from him. if he’s able to pull girls whenever he wants, then he has options, and college guys with options rarely commit. so another guy got involved we was just talking from hereand there and my crush had found out. i said all was fine and that i really liked him and the “relationship” we have at the moment is great. it used to just be sex but look at the past 6 months to a year the sex has changed. he has a lot of nerve calling you his gf when he’s hitting on other girls. sounds like he’s demonstrating christian charity to you and genuinely cares. finally two weeks ago we went for drinks (he seemed to be really nervous the whole time and had a little too much to drink). he didn’t pull away after he found out, not one bit. he even dried my hair for me after and dressed me after.” and the truth is i am – “well yeah actually if i was to say im going on a date would you care? if there’s no verbal commitment, all the other stuff is just a fun little diversion for him, and is totally meaningless. you’re having sex but have no idea what he is thinking about you. this “thank you” bit sounded weird to me, i felt like i had done a favor or smth. he tells me about how his ex girlfriend took advantage of him on st. he pursued me alot and made his actions very strongly that he liked me and was into me and i was confused because he was still involved with her. there was an instant attraction–i ended up going home w/ him that night but nothing happened we only kissed and he didnt push for anything else., last april i had sex with this guy (it was both of our first times), and since i’d been hurt a lot in the past i at first tried to make it a one night stand, but he was really sweet so i suggested “fuckbuddies. we both put a slight guard up b/c i guess he feels the way i do…he doesn’t want to fall if this goes nowhere. i am not a believer in the concept of “dropping the bomb..by now you know whether the guy wanted to keep seeing you, but it sounds like it is strictly sexual. then he texts if i want to be buddies with him with benefits. on the other hand, i don’t like it that he is pressuring you to lose weight. we hang out at the same bar and obviously see each other when we are outside at our houses. is he just fooling around with all this or am i being skeptical? am a bit torn, as i don’t know if he is doing these things because he knows i am a woman ( 🙂 ) and that we “need these things”. we’ve been talking non-stop, and his friends all know about it every time we hang out. he is constantly complimenting me and he swears he has never been a cheater and will never be with another girl as long as we are seeing each other.” and i responded stupidly because i guess i didn’t understand what he was saying so i responded with the city that i met up with him and he said the city and connected it with a country that had the same city that we were in.” he might say, “i have feelings for you” or he might say “it’s fun, but i’m not looking for anything more. normally i would not have done that, but i just didn’t care, i wanted to show her who i was. there is no reason in the world to be monogamous with a fwb.. my ex) he’ll tell me that he doesn’t want to know or he’ll playfully make fun of the guy. he dumped his gf and we started sleeping together again. my heart dropped and i guess i realized then that we probably wouldn’t be getting in a relationship because i figured it would be impossible to do when separated like that. and if it doesn’t work out for some reason, better to know now., though, you’re facing the same problem so many young people face when they hit it off: an expiration date. he spent a few nights at my place (no sex, just spooning in bed until we fell asleep). i’ve heard that means a guy wants the company of a girl but at the same time wants his distance. then you can make an informed decision about what you want to do. i felt a connection but that could just be me. he just thinks of you as someone who can get him off. after we hooked up he stayed for like four more hours trying to get to know me and cuddling with me, and during our conversations he would randomly touch my arm, hair, kiss me, etc… how do i know if he is just interested in hooking up or if he may eventually want more? i’m from another country, came from different culture and inexperienced. i asked him if its because he just wants to hook up with other girls he said no he just wants to mingle. the other night, i picked up a pizza and went to his place to get some studying done- which did happen, but again, one thing led to another. when we came back to school, we hung out on that monday night and everything went back to normal. i spent most of the last 5 years doing the single thing, dating, sleeping around, etc, mostly because i had my own issues i needed to work out and i wasn’t ready for a real relationship i guess. he’s supportive of my goals, very attentive when we’re together, and makes a conscious effort to lay off the phone unless it’s absolutely necessary to place a call/email. also mentioned to me that he can’t tolerate cheaters because both wives cheated on him and he caught them in the act. i’d much rather call or hangout with a person than text them. the summer holidays has kicked in and we are no longer near his ex, he has been better with me and he barely has mentioned his ex and we go out each week and enjoy eachothers company. i figured if he was upset, at least it showed that he cares still. i met this guy (we'll call him boy a) 7 years ago at a summer camp. he contacted me everyday until we finally hung out and it was like we’ve known eachother for years. i hope you like him too, or that poor boy is going to have some serious heartache. but i bring it up because if your man is openly asserting his desire for sexual variety it’s going to be a long time or a lightning strike before he will work out that instinct to the point he’s comfortable with marital sexuality. he always asks who i’m texting, and asks if it’s my boyfriend. he either wants to be with you in a fully committed boyfriend/girlfriend relationship or you’re done. he was very into kissing me, using eye contact, and making sure i was feeling good, and asking me questions. i kept talking to other guys and going on dates because our limitation was no sex with other people. recently he has been using the word “love” very often, ie. and then he is shamed as a “bad friend” and told it’s “unfair” that she loses him, as if she’s the only one who should get to decide the terms of the relationship and whether it exists at all. susan 🙂 okay so i’ve met this guy recently and i took his virginity and he keeps saying ”how special it was to him and he’s glad he lost it to me” he said he also had butterflies when we spent the day together and mentioned how he wants to see me all the time” oh and he had to go home one night for some family occasion and he said ”i dont want to go.-in front of my friends from work (one is a mutual friend), he hides his affection. couple of weeks ago i saw my “whatever he is” and we had a horrid evening, he really upset me and was just in a nasty mood. so my question is does he care about me or is it all just a game? we are both in grad school and life is very hectic)and you’re right. we go to the movies, dinner or the occasional movie night at his place. i truly like him, but i act a bit untamed at times and he says i’m keeping him on the edge all the time. but then he spends all this time with me and makes out with me but doesnt try to have sex? at times he is so sweet to me,holding my hand,kissing me,holding me,making me laugh! a sophomore in highschool and i recently moved to a very small town during first semester. i’m assuming this is the whole friends with bennifits deal? if i don’t heard from him in a couple of days, should i text him? not a fan of that and makes me think twice about him anyway. and it looks like he isn’t keeping up anymore with his online journal and almost like he’s disappeared. if a reasonably attractive guy wants to be sexually stimulated, he’d be going beyond first base and he wouldn’t be using you for it, he’d find some floozy who’s begging to go further. my partial problem is, i feel like most of the time, it has been me initiating a hangout session. he may even have gotten closer to me in terms of showing it.“so now i feel like i’ve had my heart cut up into pieces, although technically i am not in love with him…”. when i was leaving his house, he asked me if i wanted to leave some of my things there, so next time i wouldnt have to pack so much. the problem is that i have fallen for him badly and i really dont know what to do or where i stand..whenever we hang out he tells me how much he likes me., there are a couple of things here that worry me. he kept saying how turned on he was and how amazing it was. saying you’re not dtf is ok, that’s good boundary-setting, but if you’ve known him for a month you should know whether you want to kiss him or not. he will again state that he is not ready for commitment.’re both looking forward to when i get back to his city on business in a week…. if he says “no relationship” i advise you to end it immediately, before you get even more hurt. the first night that we hung out, i implied that i wanted something with no strings attached. and he gave me that heavy flirting, that interest, and now, more formal. i’m a firm believer that if it’s meant to be, it’ll happen and be, and if not, i’m okay with that. he said – next time we will have to have a nice chat. i don’t need a commitment, but i also don’t need a broken heart…. recently, we have been spending quite a lot of time together, at least 3-4 times a week. the fwb code reframes that person as “in the wrong” for breaking the agreement, but it’s an agreement that can’t be legislated so to speak. is where i’m confused…am i just a booty call? he’s already said he doesn’t want a girlfriend, so you’re facing an uphill battle here. now i might want more…and i don’t know whether i am reading too much into his actions and words, or whether what i am seeings is really there…we talk everyday, we cuddle a lot and spend time together without always having sex, he tells me “i am his” , that he misses me and likes me and spending time with me. he got jealous mad and told me he wanted to beat the guy up (just figurately, of course! or they lived in another city or weren’t really interested in commitment, etc. however, it he has already started seeing someone else i would definitely consider it over. i found out it was because his ex girlfriend came back on the scene and he just cut me off without any explanation. he seemed happy to talk to me, and said to hit him up when i came back. i took it and me and the guy have now been exclusive for three weeks… best three weeks of my life to be honest. i agreed… he then once again said don’t let him get away he’s a great catch and worth the wait. but i realize i'm letting him do this to me, so it's up to me to stand up for myself. was away in europe for a couple months and he contacted me once, but i was super distant and he didn’t contact me again. don’t really know because he never told me about her. he tells me he doesn’t know where we’ll go but until then, he just isn’t ready right now to ask me out. i think it may be that he found the relationship factor to be a complete turn-off. and since i’m so insecure on this subject i’ve never felt he was really into me but strangely, now sometimes, i can feel his interest – i’ve noticed he seems more attentive and i catch him staring at me more frequently. i know sporadically through the years he has asked me things like “would i relocate/leave my area?'ll either say it with words like "i can't wait to see you again" or in their actions "*never calls you again*" let him make the next move after your initial fling. he is consciously or subconsciously trying to draw out your emotional intimacy, or possibly trying to bargain for your intimacy by giving you his first. i regularly counsel women in their early 20s to go at least 5 years up to find a guy who is mature enough to be contemplating settling down. after 5 days of not saying anything, he sends me a text 11:30 tuesday night saying “hey stranger”this is how it went.“i just don’t understand what is wrong with me since he apparently loves so many things about me yet wants nothing apart from spending time and bed. you can’t get serious reassurance from this guy very soon, in the form of his trying hard to be in a relationship, my advice is to walk. i’ve had opportunities to be in relationships with other men, committed ones, but i’ve all but chased them away because they don’t compare to him. tell him that you want to continue to spend time together and get to know each other better. told him i saw this headed in a bit more of a serious direction and that i was upset. he has been given medicine for bipolar disorder, depression, and anxiety, but no longer takes anything. freshman year of college (january 2010) i became best friends with this guy, let’s call him andrew. i moved away to uni and used to write him letters (which i found out a lot later he had kept them all) and we’d talk on the phone lots. thank you so much for showing the light to so many women all over the world. he’ll kiss my forehead, carress my hair, hold my hand, kiss me, etc… and there’s the sexual parts too… but anyway, we’ve been real close since that very first day he called me.” when we got to his place we had sex of course. he has a bizzare relationship with another girl in our class who’s in a relationship and they always go on movie dates and hang out. maybe he feels some affection, but i doubt anything more–at least i doubt it based on anything you’ve said. might be just making sure he's going to keep getting no-strings sex. he told me that i had already said otherwise and now he wanted to see things out with her. things ended like that and didn’t talk to him anymore. get a text the next day asking how i am and then i hint at (did not offer/ask) a second visit, and he says he’ll call, which he did a few times to keep me up to date on where he was with his guy friends, all of whom were listening to him talk to me sweetly on the phone.,me and my hook up have been hooking up for a few years, roughly 3 years now. talked alot about relationships in general, things that make them go wrong, our own past realtionships and why they went wrong etc and i feel that he is somehow feeling me out, seeing what i think about relationships, men, sex, commitment, longterm relationship changes etc, its like an interview or initaition as to whether or not i am suitable for the 100m sprint or the marathon. unfortunately, we get along on so many levels, i just think he’s still thinking the grass is greener and may be interested in polygamy period. your own behavior strikes me as irresponsible and shady as well – have you thought about the effect of all of this on the daughter? my friends told me that i blew it and that was the only chance i was going to get because either he thought i responded that way because i wasn’t interested in him or because he is afraid of getting hurt. he clearly pays attention to what i have to see. i’m not worried about the age difference at all, but a guy that age is unlikely to want a serious commitment, especially if it involves the lives of three children. but its kept secret…he hooksup wih other girls and does not keep it a secretn he says its for our friends sake. he came over and we watched a movie and had sex that same night, which ended up being great. was tempted to pretty much stop reading here – if a woman wants nsa, there’s nothing a man can do to deepen the ‘relationship’ unless he stalks her. yourself: do i see myself with him in the long term? only you can say at what point you need to define the relationship. so we went out on the balcony and he started kissing me, at which point i initiated a conversation that if he expected us to hook up he needed to contact me and hang out with me sober. we continued to text/talk on the phone for the next couple of weeks, we discovered that he knows my ex, and that i know his family. i’ve only been to his place but he hasn’t been to mine. he toned himself down to make sure it wasn’t too much for me and didn’t put me last. ive met a guy, it started out as friends with benefits. then another night at the bar we danced and ended up making out on the dance floor, he took me back to his dorm and we just made out for awhile, talked and watched a movie and then he walked me home later that night. i said i was cool with it but that i did really like him and think that it would be nice if we spent time together getting to know each other but that would happen the longer what we are doing continues as its inevitable, he said he felt bad about what was happening and just wanted to make sure i was ok about it. at the time he was in a relationship and so was i. and he asked to keep it low key because publicity always brings more problems. he treats me nice and everything but i still wont let it grow to something more so i`ll talk to him about it and see how it`ll all work out in the end. we met on fb but we seen eachother around as well as have mutual friends. i really don’t mean to, because i am dead-set on not pursuing him or accepting his advances- and he is, despite his circumstances, dead-set on continuing to pursue me! so, we have been dating since mid november (but keep in mind that thanksgiving break and a month apart during winter break are included) we texted all over january winter break, like he was super sweet and cute and really made an effort, calling me on the phone as well. he started to kiss me a lot more, and caress me, and look into my eyes so strangely. if you do wind up in the same place, you can pursue the relationship. if you've been acting like you're fine with the hookup, it's now time to start changing your behavior and see if her or she reciprocates. somehow i am drawn to him and i know i will not run a mile. i’m sure he is eager to get some sexual experience, but you are correct to be suspicious of his motives.: not sure where kara is, but my other two roomates are at my friends house, i had to skype home bc of family stuff, now just relaxing 🙂. i don’t hear often from women that guys have been pursuing for two years. he’s probably just trying to get in there one more time, after which he’ll dump you again. i want to know if i can text someone whenever i want without looking like a stage-five clinger, and i want to know that i don't necessarily need to make weekend plans because i'll be with him. teasing and wanting to take care of her is a strong sign of affection. men and women both hope for it and are both wrong. but after only the 2nd time we hooked up he was all cuddly and sweet and kissing me on my nose and forehead and said he liked me and even asked what my plan is for new year’s and it’s only august! he may find you attractive or even like you but feels the timing is not right. right now he has all the control in the relationship, and you hit the nail on the head – he is not respecting you..not so much the sex as much as the hunt. if he comes around with concrete, tangible interest and follows through, then you can think about what it means.
5 Ways To Know If He Likes You (Or If You're Just A Random Hookuphe has told me about his past and he is defiantly experienced… lets just put it that way. honestly, it’s impossible for to know what is going on in his mind, and it sounds like he doesn’t know how you’re feeling either.. ignoring him when he said hi to youthis isn’t like some dude you met in a bar that night. he has a large number of sexual partners in his past and i only a few. he’s even looking for some extra jobs now (i hope i didn’t get him all bankrupt) and wants to take me to a place i promised my granddad i’ll visit (far far, expensive expensive)… he wants to get a bigger flat as well for some reason. after bath-time we all pile up in bed, watch a movie, and fall asleep. but why do i feel im falling into the fbf catergory?. also he always encourages me to meet other guys but if i do anything with any one else he gets so upset. come thursday she texted me that she wasn’t up for going out. second time we hooked up we woke up the next day at 7am and just cuddled and kissed in bed until 3pm, talking about everything.. i mean we only kiss but still is he just using me as someone to kiss? so now he’s irritated because he wants me to tell him how much he means to me again like i did while we was in school. another such example was last night when i left my facebook on his computer and he took my account, and commented on some girl’s insomnia-related status that “thank god i had *** to help me sleep, he is such a nice guy – you need to text me about this :p” … i’m not even sure how to react to that, he said it was just a joke but honestly, it seems he wants everyone to know that we are “together”. it hurt me but at the same time, i just understood cause he was there by himself and probably felt lonely. as much as these words make me cringe it’s turned into making love. one night we were making out and i got scared that he might think this is just a hook up. i realized then that i don’t want to be that girl who gives years to a guy who decides late that she isn’t the right girl for him and leaves her and finds someone else.’ve spent a lot of time on this guy, and i encourage you to stop right now and realize nothng will ever come of it. xxx- here’s hoping that i grow some balls, lol:).. this guy sounds like he is all over the place. day i'm gushing to a coworker about boy a, this guy that i've been in love with since i was 13 and as i'm telling her about it he chats me on facebook. a part of me feels like he genuinely wants this to work, but something else makes me feel like he might not be as interested as i am. i was all for it because i didn’t think i would ever like this guy, because he is not the best looking guy in the world but he is cute and he is a little chubby. he forgave her and they tried it again but she wanted to keep seeing the other guy, so they broke up. he said he thinks about me all the time, rest of the week he has texted, called etc and hopefully we will meet up again friday night. eventually he confessed he had feelings for me and i said that i didn’t feel the same, but didn’t want things to stop. you don't have to say, i'm crazy about you, head over heels, but you do need to say, "hey, i want to know what you're thinking/feeling about this, because it's been on my mind. when men are interested, they generally say so unless they fear rejection. i emailed him the next day apologizing and don’t know how i took it that way and asked him what he meant by “where are we? would really appreciate some feedback as it appears i cant think rationally anymore even though rationality was once my strong side with men. bottom line, i want to get to know him, to communicate better, and have what you call “the talk” or some version of it. i later found out that his girlfriend had cheated on him..I have never believed hook ups would lead to something and have had longterm relationships for a long time, so i had never really had to come across with this situation until a short while ago. not asking you to glance into the crystal bowl, but perhaps some enlightening words on how to glean some sense from this behaviour? i would like to be exclusive and start a relationship, so maybe i should just give it more time. he has severe problems expressing his emotions about his “feelings” for me whatever they may be…he gives me glimpses of his caring side and i truly adore and enjoy spending time with him but i’m very confused. he told me he is very good at compartamentalizing things and im not sure of the extent to which he does so with me. he said he likes me, lvoes spending time with me, etc etc, but a relationship would not be wise as our future is so uncertain (i may have to leave the country in a few months for school and he is also not sure where he will be). he wasnt particulary nice to her and it was after theyd broken up we first slept together. why not just mention that things have felt really different recently and you wonder what it means? he has literally had trouble fitting you into his schedule and has admitted that even close family members feel that he doesn’t make time for them. the both times we have hooked up, we just kissed, the first time he didn’t try anything more but the second time he wanted sex. we text each other every day, and call every other day. so basically i was sad and he knew that but he had to leave. is he adamant that he wants to keep it casual? i know this contradicts my first post a bit but whilst having the chat i realised i would rather keep it as it is for the time being than not have him and that now we have given it the fb lable i could remove my feelings from the equation……but i am not sure that he can, which is exactly where i was in the beginning, he seemed so dejected, he was joking and fooling around about it – laughing etc like he was really hurt and even said i am going home now to feel shit about this. his not being able to enter you, it can take a while for a woman to become aroused enough to make penetration easy. and after 2 days, he texted me again last night and was flirting a little bit and i made it clear to him that i “used to” like his dirty talk and he got the point when he said ” well, i don’t think you do now that’s why i said ‘used to’. he said that before he even met me he wanted to be single for awhile. until he knows where he wants this to go, i think that is very, very risky for you. i told him and he was extremely supportive and wanted to talk about things a lot in person on the phone, or one night i was out to dinner with friends and didnt feel good and i called him to come get me and he dropped what he was doing to come pick me up and i stayed the night there…or he would ask how i was feeling and would rub my back when i didnt feel good…he was really there for me. for example, he said this winter he’d like to take me skiing. so, about that time as the gods would have it… i got a call from a really good guy that i have known for the better part of a decade and we had drinks (no hookup! even though he was willing to go places with me and said that he would always keep his promises, i felt that all the things he said were to get into my pants. that suggests you ask him directly what's going on and he is evasive. my guy refers to it as ‘university dating’ (which is scary in itself, because that means he thinks that’s what we are doing as well) me and my guy were discussing it and he said “if he liked her hed let her know it, he would man up and ask her out before he lost her” and i said “but then again who would want to date their fuck buddy” and he says “you wouldn’t? the fact that he wants to be sexually exclusive is a clue – the question is, what do you want? have come out of a very serious relationship 6 months ago, i was engaged at age 18 and he broke my heart when he went to university and told me that he wanted to do the “uni thing” and sleep with other girls and he could not be committed to me for the next 60 years of our lives. so either way, if i make a decision i see myself getting hurt so it’s much easier to have someone make this decision for me that way i can’t hold myself accountable. he said that he meant nothing by the texts, and he was just trying to assess whether i was into him based on my replies, and was doing this to avoid hurting me. he’d also tell you about how much he loved your laugh, the sound of your voice, and your sense of humor. which i feel isn’t showing he really likes me back. i reassured him i was still into him and had no other guy in mind. we’ve hung out as often as our schedules allow. that intense chemistry came to a halt with him in bed, he genuinely couldnt perform in bed for more than 30 seconds before…. the first couple of times that i have been over we would just make out. we exchaned a couple of text messages over the weekend and everything seemed to be fine. then i agreed to be friends with benefits again considering the one week relationship we had already brought so much tension and drama between us. he never went to the locker when i did he waited off from a distance until i was gone. he said he would text, and you have no reason to doubt him. if he is afraid, you will have already reassured him., i would first like to start with acknowledging the fact that this site is great and at the moment i am very appreciative of it! i know he has dated girls but from what i understand, they were all long distance relationships. entire week, he didnt text me, not even when the weekend came.. he plans to go to medical school, which means 7 years, during which a relationship would be a total pain in the ass., i’d like some advice or at least feelings about this relationship or whatever it is i have…i met up with this guy in first year of college, this was about 6 years ago. i also have to remind him that when i find a boyfriend its over. if he liked you, he would be eager to make sure you know it so that you don’t get with another guy. three months is not such a long time, and he may be “playing it safe” by keeping his options open – after all, you could decide to leave him. guys always say they aren't looking for a relationship at that age, and it's hard to know what to think.! i figured it helps me to write about it to try and get it clear in my head but then again maybe i am just deluding myself. this was my 2nd time ever having sex and i seem to have a very unusual problem. i also have a bad habit to get jealous with the girls he is friends with though he doesn’t have many and he doesn’t constantly hangout with one woman in particular.” if that is the case, you need to get out now before he gets more emotionally invested. friday again he came back to my friends place with me and once again we were all cuddly and holding hands, kissed me on my forehead. my life has been a train wreck for the past 3 years now, but i love a. i feel like i am usually the one intiating contact though. the thing is, he hasnt formally asked me out on any dates, or expressed that he wants to be in a relationship with me. what’s not ok is to misandrate him or blame him for your emotions, because that only says that he doesn’t deserve his own wants and needs, he should just serve yours. just be careful about who else he may be pursuing at the same time. on the way there he tells me tonight is the night of his date we had fought over and that he tried to move it to the day time but the girl said it wouldn’t work for her. what this means for you is that the demand comes first (which hasn’t happened with your man), then he goes looking for the supply. ive been running a google search on ‘how to tell if your fwb/hookup is into you’ and voraciously trying to find some kind of relevant commentary on my situation 🙁 i noticed in the comments that you have been so generous to assess personal issues, and so i was hoping you could help me out with a current issue im facing- i would appreciate any and all help, thank you! here’s the thing: if he just wanted a one-night stand, then he isn’t looking for a girlfriend and isn’t a good match for you right now. he’d want to show you off, so that his family could see how far he’s come in life. i had a feeling that she wasn’t going to be there any longer or he lost interested. about a month later (april 2011) he told me we should stop hooking up because he was talking to a girl, mary, that he had stopped talking to in the fall for me and didn’t think it was fair. that confused me because when i tried to end it he got so upset. apparently i blew up at him because i wanted to meet him so badly on the day his exams end, but he seemed so nonchalant about it. he considers us friends, nothing more, nothing less and that he wanted us on the same page. when we stepped outside that night he kissed me for no reason, and when i asked he just said ” because i wanted to. i don’t know, i’d probably go for the kiss, but i’m impulsive that way. they said yeah he suppose to be with her (they told me who she was) but he didnt claim her. he may find you attractive, but that doesn’t mean he wants to pursue a relationship.” i tried to pursue the topic further by asking why he cares about my happiness all of a sudden, nothing seemed to stop him from meeting other girls just two months ago. he and everyone is always deceive by my age- they think im in my early 20’s but im over 30. i have to believe that if he wanted a real commitment he would have locked it down by now, but you’ve put so much into this relationship, it really doesn’t make sense to do anything without having a frank talk first. did i mention he referred to us as an “intimate relationship? there’s no harm in flirting and having fun, but i’d be careful not to get attached to this guy. he even told me he was hurt that i was very distant. i think i’m not fully committing a crush here because he is a commitment phobe and always pulls back from me when we have deeper convos – he did this even when we were just friends. we sit next to each other 8 hours a day at work and hang out sometimes on our spare time, whether it be weekends or weekdays. he asked me to go to a concert with him next week that's out of state, said that i should come and there's room in his car for me. i saw him in a different light when he came back. this one night we hooked up, then we went out the next day, and the day after that but it’s not like he asks me out..it may seem like he is being attentive, but really, how hard is it to be attentive in conversation? we just sat and watched tv for a few hours. if he doesn’t say anything about making a plan to see one another, then you can assume it’s not on his mind. it’s just as nice to be called by a cute nickname that was given to you and only you. mean, i spend alot of time with this guy, but now he's not even kissing me anymore. he told me he just wanted to be single, he told me i deserved better. we'd even gone on a few dates/hung out with friends on a few occasions during that time, and he would put his arm around me, kiss my head, and treat me like i was his. i don’t see the point of him bringing all this up, we will never work so i’d rather not know. sorry to break it to you but he’s not into you — he’s using you. you need to know whether he feels the same way. the next day was a weekend,i didnt have any plans so was he and he asked me to come over again but in the morning which it surprised me but hey………i said what the hell so i went for it and things were different. also as he works for me we are together all day (it is only a two person office). and don’t wait forever – at some point he needs to go all in, or you’re just wasting your time. if both of you were ready for a relationship, had sex early and went on to spend time together, as you have, a relationship is just as likely to succeed as if you had waited longer to have sex.. how do i tell if he just wants to kiss or is genuinely interested? nope, he’s just enjoying your company without getting emotionally involved. i met this guy online we being talking for a couple of weeks so this sunday we went on the first date. does he want me to say, actually i really have developed some feelings for you and want to see if we are good together or does he want me to end it. nation, those weeklong-visits-across-national-borders work out like this: he researches and suggests me some possible dates, asks me to think about it and offers to pay for it himself. whether you want to continue being sexual is up to you, but you can definitely take a step back in terms of the frequency of contact, and you might gently explain to him that personal questions about your feelings for your ex, etc. first, let me just say that there is no way you can blow it with a woman by staying out late and letting her stay over. he left the next day to travel for a graduation present his parents gave him so didn’t hear from him for a couple weeks. about two nights later i hung out with her and she ended up taking me back to her place where we made out for a good while during the week i text with her most days joking and flirting, but find myself initiating almost all of the conversations. i told him to tell me the truth, even if it hurts, and it took him awhile to respond back, i’m guessing either he put it to the side because i blew it and he didn’t care or because he was trying to figure out what to say. from there you will either be very reassured, or learn that the relationship is not what you hoped. i mean it was like love at first site with me but i’m really not the type thats comfortable around boys especially if i like them. he has told me of that’s all he wanted he wouldn’t have stuck around for awhole year. only evidence i really have to base this on is the following: 1) she’s never made an attempt to contact me but does respond to text messages reasonably quickly 2) i left her a voicemail yesterday about a concert tonight and have yet to recieve a response. he introduced me to his friends, and i'm always over his house. so we got together, and ultimately it ended in us having sex, really really great sex if i do say so myself! anyways, we were making out for the 2nd time last night and the same thing happened. long story short we had a conversation and he said something that i took the wrong way and pretty much thought he wasn’t interested in me at all. it depends on what the two parties are thinking from the start. it’s been a few weeks, so this particular situation may have resolved itself one way or another, but i do have some general advice for you moving forward. but the next night we arranged to go out again. he’ll always text me and see what i’m doing and seems interested in my life stories. so i met this guy 6 yrs ago in college, wasn’t really attracted to him and didn’t really say much to him at all and then one day it just hit me. when we are in class he will do things to get my attention and i will catch him staring at me out of the corner of his eye. just text me “i can’t wait to hold you”……. finally, i had to go and while he was walking me out, he turned and asked me “where are we? kind of picked back up where we left off at. he’s responded civilly in person but hardly got back to me via other types of communication i. occasionally though he would initiate physical contact with me like touch my arm or back and displayed all the signs of liking me. look, he knows how to reach you, and he knows you want to see him again. i find out now, from his other best friend, jake, that andrew was “in love” with me from the very beginning of our friendship. this emotional stuff about them needing to be loved and spooned and all that is just not cool and it hurts. reserve your affection for someone who’s not keeping you hanging. if he does not, i advise you to cut your losses. but isn’t it best to know sooner and not waste any more of your precious youth on false intimacy lovers. i don’t know whether he used you and wants more, but it seems like he is asking you to make a big change without putting in any effort himself. either way, it’s proof that you shouldn’t be wasting anymore of your time with him. after 2 months, i tried to define the relationship bc i felt it was at that point and i think me having that talk made him feel pressured and he even told me at one point that it wasnt that he didnt like me but that he felt i was further ahead in the relationship progression than him…so after a few months i was very frustrated with him for not wanting to commit bc i didnt understand why and he was frustrated bc he felt like i was pressuring him…so finally i said it would be easier for us to be friends and he told me “i guess we’ll have to try it that way”…so for a month we stopped talking as much or hanging out really…we would still talk and text at least al few times a week but it felt weird. well, right after the friend and i started working together there was some very intense flirting, we even got to the what are you looking for in a life partner conversation (strangely enough we are pretty much exactly what the other is looking for).. wanted to know how i felt about what was happening, to see if i wanted more or was cool with everything.” waiting for him to come to you is not a good strategy, because you are already feeling confused and conflicted. i always thought he was cute so i said maybe with a smiley. im just confused i just wantvto know if he likes me and how i can play this right. i don’t know his reasons because i of course can’t read his mind, but if i’m not mistaken he drove all the way down just to see me because in that weekend he only saw the friend he drove down with, the friend who let him stay at his place, me, and his brother. after two weeks i went to him and again we had a great time together. and he kept saying that a girl was trying to get him to take her to his place but he told me he said no, he had to see “his girl.” i know he was hurt deeply by his divorce, though he speaks of it as if it was a loveless marriage, she pretty much broke the bank. night, he just said hi, but didn’t really pay much attention to me when i showed up to see another one of his friends for a minute that’s just in town for the weekend. it started off by him always texting me, wanting to hang out. he tried to take it further but i said no because i didn’t want to be that type of girl. so if he’s pressuring you to have sex, that’s because sex is the only thing he’s interested in. in the beginning he would tell me that he is like this with all his friends and likes making them feel good. when i was at his house a few nights ago, i asked him what we were, and his response was, “i haven’t really thought about it. he agreed and we started spending nights seperately and texting less. that killed my mood in particular about him, before the past even came back into the picture. it sounds to me like you both talked a good game about keeping it 100% physical, but both have also caught feelings. if he is not interested in a relationship, the sooner you learn that the better. because so many relationships do start with hooking up first (although only 12% of sexual hookups ever progress to a relationship), a guy can hook up, have real feelings, and then worry about showing them too early. i asked him if i were to walk away, if he’d care. if he doesn’t respond to your texts and emails, stop sending them! all due respect to your sharing your story, he has repeatedly stated what he does and doesn’t want. i’m not even sure if i want it to happen again (i’m looking for something fun, not serious, after that 2 year relationship. first “date” consisted of me going to his house and he made me soup. yet we’re both unsure as to when we will be seeing each other again until now…when i’ll be coming up for the weekend to see him (my mum wants me to go on a trip with her to the city where he lives…what perfect excuse to see him)for the past three weeks he’s all i could think about, i could barely eat or sleep and i feel really energized. so i decided to take a step back and let her initiate our next interaction. his “girlfriend” is the same girl that he dated in college broke up with every other day and now she lives in europe (we live in the us).” i said i guess i would and he said well, you never know you might find a man, fall in love, get married, and move to somewhere like ______”. over the past year, he has indicated interest in hanging out, just the two of us, and i have always brushed it off with a joke or something. i asked him several times if this is what he wanted and he said yes. he said no problem, “i can give you that and so much more. during those 3 years he was truck with cancer, and i was there for him, and a was there for me, as best as he could. two weeks ago we were at a halloween party and my friends and i invited him to come and hang out with us, which he agreed to. a recent study revealed men place women into marry-or-don’t-marry boxes – ladders, if you will – extremely quickly. he has been a serial monogamist in the past (as i used to be as well so i understand). first is our age difference, even though it is legal, i am 17 and he is 21. hate guys like this, and i hate it that you can’t see how worthless he is, how selfish and manipulative. thanks for answering to my previous mssg, i love reading your messages! there’s something unfortunate (and perhaps unfair) that the person who feels more gets blamed. when i post on facebook he comments things that imply that he think am attractive.” that should lead to a discussion about where each of you sees this going – the conversation about being exclusive is always the best place to start, because it affects your emotional and physical health. he gets drunk and tells me that he can’t be with me and then apologises the next morning profusely begging that he hopes he hasn’t ruined his chances with me. however this exchange program will end in an year and he and i will go our separate ways to half way across the world. and i have to be the one to initiate him coming to hang out recently. i care about him immensely, and i dont want to hurt him. he told me that he understood where i came from, he was trying to keep in touch with me as much as he could, or he was giving me a lot of the free time he barely had. he considers us friends, nothing more, nothing less and that he wanted us on the same page. whenever i talk about guy friends, he always wants to know more, or if they’re gay. he continues to come by my office to have coffe, we talk and we exchange things. after 5-6 dates we have not be “physical” yet, apart from some kissing, as he seems respecful and somewhat conservative. to me makes as much sense like saying: "gee, i really like strawberries, so lets not eat them for another 6 months.. but hes so hot and cold i dont know what to do… also when i see him again in a few months we plan on doing the usual hooking up. we often flirted thru texts and had plans of meeting up just never did because of our schedules being so different. susan, i’d like to ask something regarding this r/s i have with this guy. he always kisses me hello and gives me a kiss and a hug when i leave. i was alarmed (i had no intention of falling for him, both of us had just gotten out of horrible relationships and, as far as i had thought, both of us were looking for an optimal friends-with-benefits situation to supplement our intense university lifestyle) and i so insisted that we have the “talk” when i return. when i tried to ask him the same he skirted around it then said no. there are many guys out there – don’t settle for someone who doesn’t know what he wants and doesn’t treat you respectfully. if he cared he would have been eager to reassure you and clarify that he cares for you. the first month was amazing, but it was clear he was pushing himself to make extra time/stealing time to get to know me. now, to be fair, over time, i have realized that i have sent him some unconscious signals that have apparently led him to believe that i am interested– that’s my fault, because even though i know he’s not right for me, i am still physically attracted to him; but like i said, i have been ignoring him for quite some time now, and he will not give up. but i’ve never brought him around, he’s never brought me around his circle and, while at first i wasn’t sure, now i know and consider him a companion. i'm falling for my hookup and i'm sure if he's falling for me. then next day, he sent me a message saying he fell a sleep and “thank you for the lovely evening, night and morning, i had really nice time. i’m not talking about playing major mind games – i’m talking about not laying all your cards out on the table too soon. (why she came to my room to cuddle i’d be massively confused about). i basically couldn’t sleep that night after he left. then he told a guy in his house he could ask me out, but told me not to go. and he said we were exclusively seeing one another and only sleeping with one another)he wants to be introduced to my friends and hinted to me a few weeks ago “i think its really cool when a girl asks a guy out. communicating what you are feeling now and finding out what he’s thinking is the best way to prevent that – for both of you. i really do like this guy, we have gotten to know each other over the past few weeks, but i need some advice on what to do next. she mentioned other guys that had tried to date her and she wasn’t interested and found them too pushy. he texted me 2 days later and we have been texting ever since. the sooner you can cut yourself loose from any contact at all with him, the sooner you will feel open to meet someone who might be emotionally available." so hey, i would know — just because it's a fling now doesn't mean anything for the future. he asked lots of questions about me, my life, family and education, which he’s never done before. yet, when he meet up at each others house to hook up he cuddles me constantly, tells me things like how his never been so comfortable with any one like this, strokes my hair, hugs me close when we fall asleep together and he doesnt hook up with any one else but me. so i told him if he ever needed to talk, to give me a call or text me and i’m an open ear. a horrible breakup with my boyfriend, i met a guy at a party a few weeks afterwards. fisherexperttom burnseditorvideophoto: pixabay the one big truth men and women need to realize about divorcewe need to change the conversation. we work with all these amazing foreign women who are so much younger than me and they flirt with him all the time, and hes naturally charming, but he always ignores it. i’ve left him alone and he kept coming back and trying to appeal to my emotional side. things might go is irrelevant; right now you are not getting what you want out of the relationship, and in the process you are ceding control of your emotional and romantic life to him and his own fickle emotions. otherwise you’re just stumbling around in the dark, and that almost never ends well. i asked pint blank if clothed outings were out of the question, and he said he’d love to hang out, and that hadn’t been his intent. he volunteered to ride in my car a day early to hang out with me and a couple girls he barely knows. we normally stay at my house, but we sometimes go out to have dinner. also, the last time that i saw him, i told him that i needed to leave at a certain time. forgot to say that when was out on a walk a woman went by he commented about her cheast i said was ah right he was like it is an guy thing did your ex not say stuff about other woman i said no he did not he said probably was too scared to and made privite joke we had about my ex that he started i lauthed abit never mentioned any woman again but none went by really then we walked on also he hardly looks at me or holds my hand unless i hold his first. he stopped and we started talking for a couple hours after which he went back to his dorm. you have the right to be angry, frankly, or at least annoyed that he is stringing you along without an explanation. if a guy likes you he should say so and be prepared to act on it. night i returned we met up, and i asked him what was up. nothing in your story indicates he is interested in a love relationship, nor is he willing to make a relationship with a woman a priority in his life right now. you’ll learn whether that’s the case if you are friendly and he is unresponsive or just polite. i think about him all the time and miss him like crazy. he sqid he wasvhorny cuz hes been having sex lately. he tried to forgive her but it wasn’t working and she decided to leave him for the other guy anyway. i try to just start out liking and then let feeling and time decide where it goes. to some men, getting married is not so much a “commitment” as it is a resignation, a statement that “i’ve had enough variety.” i tried yo get a sense of what he meant, hoping he wasn’t he wasn’t just bring really forward. again i’d like to say before, during, and after the intimate time, we still had a full on conversation catching up and he was still asking me questions and questions still wanting to know more about me. would you like to reach a point where your children know him? i’ve grown useto not hearing from him for several days, and seeing him once a week. he’ll probably make up an excuse to leave and once he’s gone, you’ll probably be left feeling a little empty. jane stokeseditor 19 shares + more content from yourtango:which love language do you speak? im loving and al this other stuff but for some reason when im singal this freind and i always hit it off. so i’m pretty positive i’ll be seeing him and he seems pretty excited though he hasn’t made definite plans yet. meanwhile, if he won’t introduce you to the people who raised him, and won’t even tell you their names, he definitely doesn’t want to date you. if he still wants to come around, and you think you want something more than casual sex, i’d try and schedule time to hang out without sex. two days i didn’t hear from him and so began week 4. he kissed me goodbye a few times deeply before he got out. heitlerexperttom burnseditorvideophoto: pixabay 5 big things to remember about the differences between men and womenit’s about more than just toilet seat preferences. exactly how long are you supposed to hang in there? the only guys who don’t go away when they get signs of rejection are players and guys with totally unattractive oneitis. “well i’d say that went pretty good haha” is what he said. there are only three things that bother in all this: 1) he’s always afraid we’ll walk into someone we work with and they’ll discover our litte thing. idea of what might be going through his head would be great! would be great since you seem to be so good at it and i am so new to this whole “single” thing… it seems like every guy these days wants nothing but a hook up buddy. he told me he hasn’t been able to feel this way ever since his official breakup with his ex a year ago as well. he bought me flowers because he felt bad for the miscommunication. he is announcing to the world that you are friends, not two people entering a romantic or committed relationship. if by wanting to be with you, he means a full-blown relationship, you might agree to discuss it with him first and see if you both want the same thing. that you enjoy the sex, and that it is meaningful to you. (also if anyone else would like to comment, i would love to hear your thoughts):i’m a university sophomore studying far away from my hometown – a few months ago, i had an assignment, and my partner was a friend of a friend who happens to be in my program- we hit it off really well and we ended up hooking up the first night we met each other (incidentally out of character for both of us – that very night we had a talk suggesting that this was just to be a one night stand and that it was a one time deal). i realized then that i don’t want to be that girl who gives years to a guy who decides late that she isn’t the right girl for him and leaves her and finds someone else. i said yes i can’t do that and he got a little shocked and asked why not. however, since the sex has been amazing, and because of the signs i’ll list below, i’m now on the fence about him. i had met her once or twice before (very briefly) through a mutual friend a few years back. after that, we still texted often; maybe i was paranoid but i got mad if he didn’t not text me everyday. i took this that he was testing me to see if i’d respond or if i gave up on him. he looks into my eyes, moves my hair from my face and sometimes even just strokes my hair with his hand. he says i would be his girlfriend if these thing were different. he doesn’t even live where i live (for now) and i don’t know how far i want it to go. i think that in view of the way things have developed, he could not expect me not to want to be exclusive and, as he said, “it comes with the territory.. ok, i understand what you’re saying, susan, thank you for your help:) i usually am direct with people, but find it extremely difficult to be direct with him; partly because of my attraction to him, but also partly because he’s very sensitive and gets his feelings hurt easily.
i urge women to wait for someone who will make his interest and intent clear. susan and everyone,i have been reading this page for a while to help myself and finally decided to write. isn’t it supposed to be a process or am i just fooling myself into believing something might still happen with this guy? i have seen him for the longest time, and when i look at him i mess up on the music i’m supposed to be playing (if that’s any indication of my physical attraction towards him). however, the bottom line is that it doesn’t do you any good if he is determined to remain unattached. men can’t take advantage of your good nature if you demonstrate self-respect by refusing to stick around when someone treats you poorly. meanwhile, if a man cuddles you, is actually there when you wake up in the morning, and goes as far as to make you breakfast, he’s interested in something serious. he gave me a rather vague and useless answer which i cant even remember. he got serious and said he wasn’t like him, and continued to ask if he could kiss me. yes, we kissed passionately (no necking)…and yes he asked if i wanted to spend the night to which i politely declined, after which we had breakfast…. he stopped me, introduced us, fixed us breakfast and told me he would like to see me “bond” with her if i was going to be “hanging around”. both times we’ve hooked up, i spent the night and he wrapped his arm around me all night and throughout the morning. ps yo u should sleep over some time 🙂 i would love to spend an entire night with you but anyways good night. this guy just wants the ego reinforcement of knowing you like him because he saw you as a challenge. as the years went on he had his gf who for some reason unknown to me hated me from the beginning. don’t “hookup” (meaning casual sex), unless i know i’m in a committed, exclusive situation with the other party. i have asked him before if he has done this with any of his other sex buddies and he says that he has, but yet when we went over to his friends house they said it was nice to see him with a girl for a change. i don’t buy that crap and i have had enough of men using me for my kind and generous nature. i want is to keep it casual,that was the agreement from the start and we made it clear,over and over again.. just about a month and a half ago my now ex boyfriend of 4 years left me for someone else.: ps i’ve eaten so much chocolate over the last few days…. we haven’t had the talk but seem rather to make faint inplications of interest and intent; i’m not sure what either of us wants! his last disappearing act resulted in his apology (which came about on his own), it wasn’t to be take personally and i deserve to know so since we are an intimate relationship and it’s something he does every now and then. your current situation isn’t making you miserable, and you can enjoy the relationship for what it is, then i’d see where it leads. well, one thing led to another and we ended up having sex. my husband and i got back together a couple of times, only to come apart again because a. there are definitely signs in your description of attraction and possibly attachment on his part. he’d offer to give me lifts and ‘rescue’ me from unwanted attention if i was out. he got jealous mad and told me he wanted to beat the guy up (just figurately, of course! the probably here is that after that night i feel like i’m getting feelings for him. personally, i think the next move or phone call should be his. we broke things off, he remained very friendly and i was also. i know and feel that we had both developed feelings for each other. we had unexpected chemistry and i felt really into him. it’s not often that a good relationship can come out of so much drama and miscommunication in the past. so either he feels that way, which would be okay i’d guess cuz it sounds like you feel the same, or else he’s trying to tell you he loves you but is using the word heaps to protect himself. it took me 4 months of him running me down until i made up my mind to let him know i liked him. i may or may not be cubbs when i come back. the whole, ‘i love you “heaps” ‘ thing is interesting to me. we became friends and hang out with the same circle of friends often. far as your points go:He did look me in the eyes, kiss my face, very attentive, held my hand during and after sex, and in the ride back in the car. the sex problem between my husband and i never found resolution. i had asked him why doesn’t he put a dating ad on for the cities he travels in, and he says he doesn’t go to them often enough to want to have a gf there…. i still don’t know what he is doing though, all these mixed signals are really confusing me and actually beiginning to annoy me. remember, men can compartmentalize b/w hooking up and love. he even brought up to me in front of his friends something like, “if we were living together, would you do this ______”. i am sure that i am not the only who felt this i am sure he did too. i think he jerked off since he was gone for like 10 minutes. it feels like she thinks she is out of my league. yes i do get jealous from comments on his facebook wall, obviously never express any of it. i met this guy that came into my work, and we talked for a while, went back to his house, he cooked dinner, and we just talked the whole night, the night ended with a kiss and nothing else. so i keep my options open and kick myself in the head hahaha. does he or she wait weeks to accept your friend request or doesn't follow you back? we went shopping, had lunch, the whole nine yards and i paid for nothing. it is like he wants to feel in love instantly. you can't do this forever, because people will get sick of you not being around, but it's a good way to gauge if he or she is into you. also, he has cooked for me several times whenever i come over. in general, if he is asking to see you and wanting to spend time together, you can assume that he likes you, especially if he is not trying for sex. i know you dread it, but believe me, it is the only way forward. if you don’t, then it sounds like the relationship would probably end. may do all this hooking up and stuff, which is fine, but if they dont care about a girl, they are really making it harder on us and make us feel worse by playing with our emotions. or perhaps he really does want to see how things go, or might even be determined to keep things casual. these signs refer to that early period, where you don’t want to be calling him out, but you want a sense of how it’s going. instead, he’ll spend his time charming you with meaningless conversations that don’t tell you anything “real” about him. sometimes it seems as if were heading towards a relationship then other times it seems as if we are what we are. the reason he had was a good one (major crisis between the ex and the teenager and he negotiating or whatnot; so the teen is back living with him). he might secretly be longing to be intimate with everyone else. watch how he communicates, how often, and whether he wants to spend time with you. and apparently he 'endured' lots of friendly male banter once the others realized he had a fancy for me…. well now its my second year in college and we reconnected over the summer and have been texting and flirting. j/k, just send some xxx’s my way; those can stay up here a lot longer than your fingers, haha!@darleneof course it could be something more, and there’s a good way to find out. to me, we were growing apart a month or two before i broke up with him, so i’m already pretty much over the relationship. i need to spend the night alone” and walked me back to my own place, though texting me on and off to make sure i was okay. out of the blue he tells me last week that he misses me and wants to come to be with me. the end of january, he became very pushy and questioned me whether i liked him at all or wanted to date him. we only knew each other by computer and phone/texting for a week before we did this! why i feel like he’s into me:-he always lights up and smiles when he sees me come in at work.“i met this guy a month ago and he has become my fwb. anyways, before i left i asked him when he was going to move back here and he said he wasn’t sure, indefinitely. he doesn’t want that he’s a manipulative bastard and you should cut him out of your life entirely. i want to believe he’ll text me back, but something says that he probably won’t. at first in a group but for over a month now it’s almost always just me and him. with that being said, i can personally identify myself in all subject areas 1-10…pretty much to the last detail even though its a general opinion it is very accurate and i can tell that you are extremely knowledgable in relationships.’s natural for you two to have some steamy conversations, especially when you’re in the honeymoon stage and can’t keep your hands off of each other. you’re smart to go down about 5 years if you can – those women are so fed up with players and guys keeping their options open, they’ll jump at a chance to be with an older guy if they’re looking for a relationship. and suddenly he emailed me on fb and told le to text him. i don’t see any evidence at all he was just going after a one-night stand. my friend encouraged me to email him just making simple conversation and he responded back pretty much telling me he noticed me and wanted to hang out. part of me feels he’s still very much in love with his ex. you need to decide what the risks and payoffs are and whether you can live with them. i asked somebody was he dating someone to be curious because he shouldn’t be that close to me like he is. i was sure that we would go on to do larger things if you know what i mean.,i’m going to go in a bit different direction from susan, from the man’s perspective. you fought he kept the date with the other woman! so with all of this being said here’s my problem… i did not have any intention of getting into a serious relationship having just come out of one but the heart wants what it wants and unfortunately my heart is telling me it wants him! a guy really wants to be in a relationship with you, he’ll do these things, yes. is he just using her while he flirts with someone else? and what i like that most is that he remembers everything i tell him about me. i told him if it counted or anything i had spent all day thinking of ways to bond with his daughter and he told me that that meant alot. if you are ok with just being friends, and you don’t want to risk that, you can continue to wait or just figure he’s never going to make a move. we texted the next day a good bit, and he admitted that he’s horny, which i accept and know – he’s a man! he started to show some real affection and then one night we went out and came back home really drunk and ended up having a 3 some with his roommate like he proposed. i really do like him and he appears to like me but i dont want to push him away by making him think i am wanting more or moving to fast does it appear he is devloping feelings or am i simply over reacting or mis reading the situation? when he touches me, genuinely i know that he loves me, perhaps he isn’t ready for what that means, and what it can bring down on both of us. i don’t want to create problems where there are none, or end things out of fear if there’s real potential. in the start it was supposed to be casual but as time went on the texting,calling and time we spend together has become a lot more frequent…like multiple times a week seeing eachother and texting everyday(but he hardly will ever text me first)now this has progressed over the last year. if he reaches out to say hi, see what you're up to, or just check in about anything other than sex. and have been 2-3 timesa a week for the past 3 years. the thursday before that weekend he came to my job and i took my break and sat with him and we discussed what our situation was. but we do seem to be getting on quite well and he pops in to see me during the week and is lovely. his mom is really special to him, so it surprised me. he makes allusions to us being together (well, hanging out) in the future, but still it’s unclear. men don’t consider wife material until they’ve got the radar screen on. i am not one who believes there are many “mixed signals” between the genders. we have been seeing each other for the month and he hasnt really said anything about being bf/gf and my friends keep asking me about it. it didn’t work out and as soon as he found out he asked if he could come see me…. may be too early to ask him if you’re “the one” but if you’re having sex it is certainly not too early to ask, “how do you see me? on some of these occassions, after having drinks, we’ve gone just the 2 of us to a different place (a coffee store, a restaurant, a bar, etc. i found out she was single and sent her a message on facebook, so i guess you could say this was basically the first time we had ever really spoke to each other. he’s my fb friend and although he seems alpha, there’s a sensitive side to him and his party photos aren’t littered with women hovering all around him. if you want to know the answer, you’re going to have to ask the question. tell him how you feel and ask if he feels the same way and can see it working out. i just can’t decide whether in his head he regards me as a seriously potential mate, minus the marriage and kids, neither one of us see these variables in our future. don’t get me wrong we talk about everything and anything, he does tell me things like he had a lot of love for me and cares about me, i just got sick and he was calling and texting every five mins. im really sorry for the mixed messages, and i dont want to hurt you. it’s something you’ll just have to wait out, that’s the price of freedom, the same freedom that gives us the chance to choose our own partners. but several other friends’ comments have made me wonder if we are actually meant to be together, due simply to the fact that we’ve carried on for so long. are 24, you do not have the time to waste on a complete dead end like this. in fact, he hides it from everyone other than us. american men often confuse the heck out of me, but i can't see myself taking intercontinental flights just so i have a lovely relationship with a suitable man. during the first few months, from what i know, he met up with different girls but since new years, it has only been me. he was happy at the moment he had a conflict at school could attend at that moment. he tried to take it further but i said no because i didn’t want to be that type of girl. have quietly hinted that im seeing other guys in addition to him (lately not so much) and hes loudly indicated that im the only girl in his life (by joking that im ‘enough’ to deal with) – i am aware that his best friend knows about ‘us’ (the first time i met him he winked at my guy) some other points of interest: he has slept over almost every single time, and prefers it when i sleep over when i go to his place. he flirted with me on and off ans showed minor signs he liked me but i never caught cause really i didnt expect someone as popular as he was to like someone like me who was low key. he’s not into doing social things with you at his side, he’s probably not looking at an ltr. i took it wrong because i had just gotten out of a long distance relationship and probably wasn’t ready to open up then. so i texted her about a party i knew about the next night and she agreed right away to go excitedly.” the simplest conclusion is that he’s operating on a different “love plane” than you are. there’s nothing wrong with being the one to bring it up – it’s on your mind and you would like to clarify it and be able to chill out about it. here’s why: if he doesn’t want a relationship, he will say so and you will be free to end it and find someone more compatible. am perfectly happy to be slow, but that sense of standstill at times (or is it still stand? he seems to be comfortable, does not even make plans ahead of time as his weekend is pretty much free and i select which day/time is good for me. kind of talked off and on since then because we were both busy with end of school/finals and such and somehow we got to talking and agreed we would take it a step further and hook up. some things, behaviour or words are simply not okay to do or to say. the following monday he was distant and not talking to me. im pretty shy (and have also not dated much or had a bf before, but am a sophomore in college) so i found this to be a relief. we never even looked at each other in this type of way until after i was separated.. how do i tell if he just wants to kiss or is genuinely interested? meanwhile, if he’s vague about where he’s going, or won’t even answer your texts when you try to get ahold of him, then he doesn’t think of you as a girlfriend. this shocks me since we just had the conversation we did and we get in a fight about it. i encourage you to lay it out for him and see where his head is. when we do fool around he is very attentive to my needs. it makes zero sense to even consider a move like that unless the two of you are in love and want to make your relationship a top priority. i am a manager and just before the break-up my ex convinced me to hire his friend. he fits the description of interest and he also seems to seek reassurance about how he looks etc (kept asking about things).– asked me to sleep with my head on his chest, made sure i was comfortable and was staring at me on his chest sleeping (i woke up suddenly to make sure my big head didn’t make his arm fall asleep and he couldn’t close his eyes fast enough! but if you're already connected on social media, post on his or her wall or comment on a picture. he said of course he would, that he wants this still. it up & ask these 14 deep questions early in a relationship. he made it clear that he still was just not ready. it still feels like some kinda test as i said before in my preivous posts. if you’re wondering, either he’s not into it, or he’s playing mind games. we were both tipsy and yet sparks flew and we hit it off immediately, we basically just flirted like crazy until our friends had to pry us away from each other because it was closing time. seem very good susan at dishing out the cold hard truth which is great and a good dose of common sense is always helpful. because of his work, he’ll be leaving in some months far and for very very long. but it also is clear that he's not ready for another relationship. but at the same time, i have this feeling like he checks up on me too via my blog and social network site. on the other hand, he may be falling for you and wanting more. now he has not brought up anything about not gettin serious since that last text but i’m just assuming it’s because we have a mutual understanding and he doesnt feel the need to reiterate. if you act like something to be “tamed,” he will be bored once he tames you. they can enjoy a woman, feel fond of her, feel strongly attracted to her, and still not want a commitment of any kind. i brought up the “talk” again and this time he went on the defensive, and that night he basically said “though im over my ex, its hard for me to move on to a new relationship right now and im not sure what i want just yet. but come the end of the night she said she just wanted to sleep in her own bed tonight. susan,was wondering if perhaps you could help straighten out my thoughts. we dont talk much but when we do its just simple stuff. i’ve seen many couples in similar circumstances find out a few months in that they had a very different understanding. i finally asked him when he was leaving the country and he told me next week he was going and it crushed me. i became so confused but still didn’t do anything or talk to him about things (i am very passive when it comes to relationships)i don’t know. my blowing him off and my calling him out (in a nice way) to the fact that he wanted to “spend the night”…he’s kept in touch vis sms ever since. i miss him a lot and i want to tell him that but don’t know how, so now i don’t know when am i going to see him because he didn’t mention anything. for a month-plus of dating, that’s not a bad outcome (better to find out now than six months of hooking up later). he asked if i wanted to go to his room and i told him that i didn’t want to sleep with him, and he said that was fine and we could just cuddle. came back after graduating, about 2 years since my relationship ended, when i finally healed. if he wants to take this to the next level, though, he will. am concerned that you just went through a divorce, have said within the last month that you are not emotionally ready for a relationship, and now have fallen for him. he held me really close then asked if he could kiss me. think this is a case of both us us exhibiting the principle of least interest and it’s driving me insane. he introduced me to his best friend and the three of us hungout for a bit. so i acted like i didnt fancy him like everyone else which i think is why he showed me some interest from the start. advice would be greatly appreciated, as this is my first time being in a situation like this. it might not be big love yet, but it could get there. now it's just getting up the guts to talk to him about it…., the guy i was talking to only wanted a hook-up. he texts me and we talk for hours about his job and his life we talk about my figure skating ( i figure skate) and all kinds of things it will get sexual for a few texts then we are back to talking about each others lives. he also spent his birthday with me instead of going out w friends.” he hates such talks, in any case, mentioned that he is quite perplexed and confused, because he did not expect things to progress the way they have. first i thought he was a player and it was a one-time thing, but now he’s showing some of your signs. we’ve making plans for the fourth of july with your family… we’re not having sex like rabbits anymore so…. do i leave him alone and see if he comes to me?” now, many men are not like this…in fact most (in my estimation) betas seek monogamy with a woman they can bond strongly with. i played it very cool until a week after i became very upset. there is no one else and he does not want anyone else we are exclusive and i said if i met another guy (relationship type) i would stop what we have together, this is when he started to get wierd and was like “no you don’t have to do that we can still see each other, i’d be fine about it”. i see six questions here that i have not yet answered.” i ended the conversation and didn’t text him back. i don’t think he drove down for another reason because his brother ended up going to visit his family for the holidays a few days after that so i took it that the main reason he came down was for me. should take the risk and tell him i want more…instead of dropping hints…. he responded a little later writing back excitedly that i wrote him and he wanted to see how i was doing and all that. bring it up next time you see him, and say that you don’t want to be demanding or a nag but you’d like to talk to him on the phone (make it sound like something you’d enjoy rather than a demand on his time). and in any event, women “growing on” men usually happens when it’s a friend – not someone a man is having flingy sex with. perhaps he can let you know, even if he can’t commit right now, whether this is something that you should plan your career around, even temporarily. he tells me that sex isn’t the only reason he likes me, and thinks i’m a good person. the first day i met him there, he kept staring at me in an infatuated way, which was weird i thought., i’ve been reading through all these stories hoping to find one similar to my current dilemma. made plans to spend the entire day with me saturday and we did, nothing fancy, went to lunch and did a little shopping. if he’s 45, i assume his kids are a bit older. susan,so i met a guy a couple months ago and we had been talking regularly for about a month. i'm sorry, but nothing good whatsoever can come of that.’s this guy transferred over to our school in like the beggining of the year in 2010. it is after then that he kissed me and i met his family…so i take he was positive about it. i met this guy a couple of days ago at a club and we danced all night and then he came back to my flat with me and some friends and watched a movie. i really don’t know if he feels anything for me. so the next night he invited me out for drinks with him and his broher which i also know and he was so affectionate and treated me with so much respect. however everyone close to them claims they are just friends. his response: that i like you as a person and love spending time with you but i am not in love with you. unless he has specifically stated that he wants something different this time, i think you can assume he’s recycling the old deal. once you part ways with your new prospective partner the real work begins. afterward he made sure i was ok and if i wanted to go to bed. regarding your list – if by “falling for” you mean falling in love, i think that might be a bit soon in my case. shortly after he left work and i never seen or heard from again. susan,i met this guy about a month ago, we meet on a dating website.: yeah kinda haha, come hang out if ur not busy:). he makes his devotion clear guys are actually, really, really good at telling you what they want. and i forget to say that he also designated tuesdays as our movie night…. we met in person after two weeks of exchanging messages. i don’t know why things went wrong between you, but is this someone you respect and want to be in a relationship with? even if he’s been burnt, when a man likes you, he likes you, no? i also don’t want to be too availablee too soon and be hanging out all the time right away. in other words i haven’t met a guy that really piqued my interest until……before new year of 2012 where i was introduced by my close friends to this amazing (and hot) guy (he’s 34, a bit of an alpha i think but has been known to be in ltrs) during a party in a bar. it hurt, i felt used and thought he was going to avoid me.?First, i think you need to ask him point blank if he still feels the same way he did at the beginning, or if his feelings about a relationship have changed. lets comments slip, and it goes a little like this: me: “hey remember that movie avatar we went to and loved? then decided, hey, this isn’t so bad- why not. that i hadn’t even thought about any of that and i’m just going with the flow. he always kisses and hugs me goodbye and often comes to my house straight from work. we asked him once about where it was going and if we had a good chance and he said yes. my facial expressions can be easily read and he could tell right away if i liked or didn’t like something and he right away changed it up and made it better. women don’t want it to be too easy – any whiff of eager or supplicating and our attraction nosedives. it used to just be sex but look at the past 6 months to a year the sex has changed. he really is a wonderful person, and i would love to be in a relationship with him.: kara is, but later i think, my other two roomies are not. the first week, we just stayed up all night talking online, and when we finally hung out again, we had sex. from what i learned recently, hes 31 and has only been in one 5 month relationship, the rest were all flings and “friends with benefits. i just said no and asked why he ignored me. i moved away and changed my nuimbers and deleted his so i couldnt contact him and he couldnt contact me. it seems to me its going further than just fb relationship. all of my friends keep trying to get to be at the same place at the same time like at parties or on the vacation that we are all planning this summer and it makes me wonder if they know something i dont. i was afraid he wouldnt want to talk to me. but i played it dumb and kept telling him no, he was drunk. guess is that he is enjoying your company and wanting to spend time with you but might balk if pressed for a commitment. for you for vocalizing your feelings, something many people can’t or won’t do because they are too afraid to face the action that might have to follow from the discussion. but we continued to sleep together, and i guess i can't blame him because i okayed it. most of all, i want to be able to assume that i'm going to see him and hear from him regularly without feeling like i'm totally mentally unhinged. i don’t know how much hurt i can keep taking from him in hopes that we’ll be something more in the future.) we make small talk on facebook when we’re both online; somestimes i start it, sometimes he does. i saw him manday day as we both had afternoon off work, it was lovely we chatted, laughed etc.’s all in the early stages and i want to play my cards right… so i intend to not sleep with him until i know he’s not seeing anybody else or we have a dtr talk.: yeah, im in my friends room haha, leaving soon, come in 10ish min? he’s also invited me to places and offer to pay for me. he seemed then, and every other time we hung out, was that he truly wanted to get to know me. you have feelings for him, so any time you spend in a dead end relationship is bad for you. he has told me that he isn’t ready for a relationship..as such, hope you can help me with my little problem. if a guy knows that the is not committed and can pull back at any time, or have sex with someone else, he may thoroughly enjoy your company in all the ways you describe. i knew that if it continued i’d develop feelings and he said that was okay because feelings always get involved especially since we’ve known each other so long. i replied next morning (yesterday) concluding with “you should come here with your x friends for food and wine” etc and again no contact since. i realized that day that i’ve never met anyone just so similar to me. i assured him he had done nothing wrong and that i liked him and he said he knew and he was sorry (! always makes little comments about how he wants to take me to some restaurant or place he likes or how we are spending more time together. he has only been in a few relationships before me and he’s still a virgin. all the other guys between now and then are not going to work out. the first time we hung out we just took a walk and talked. i waited a couple days she didn’t text, so i texted her asking how she was doing and by the end of the convo we determined that after her midterm on thursday we would go out and have fun.@csi was in an relationship which was not working i meet another guy online talked for about a week or two before meet seem to get along ok was alot of physical chemistry between us and could make me lauth seemed nice meet a few times ended up having sex with him he know i had boyfriend explained situation to him that we was pretty much over for years and that we was like friends and that i was going to end iti think he’s just after sex. serious relationships can and do start with hooking up, if both parties were open to a relationship from the start. you are concerned about things that you should be concerned about, and that is good, because you are unlikely to spend much time with a man who cannot deliver what you want. we meet on colleagues’ birthdays and similar occassions and sometimes we go for drinks after work with some friends. over a year has gone by and he finally sends me an email, but he didn’t say anything, just sent me a link he wanted me to see about his experiences there. here’s how it started: when i started my job back in march of 2009 (i’m a housekeeper) there was a young gentleman who was working the front desk at the hotel.! but seriously, this highlights how men and women view marriage in radically different ways. apologies, i just found your comment here – sometimes they slip through the cracks. shows of affection or sex do not mean he wants to get “committed. some men will go through all the motions of a relationship because it’s enjoyable, but then state that there is no formal commitment. he expressed to my father that he had always had a thing for me and i just so happened to be interested in him as well. it shows that he’s only interested in his own happiness, regardless of how it makes you feel. he’s good-looking and charming so i thought why not. he then said that he was a loser and going nowhere with his life and that i deserve someone better than him. some of his friends were casually talking and they included me in their conversation right away.’m 32 years old, attractive, and pretty much balanced and complete in my life and with myself… i am aware of who i am (flaws and strengths) and where i’m headed in the future. would advise you to take a deep breath, there’s a good chance he’s going through all the same anxieties, wondering if he came on too strong with cuddling-style behavior, etc. if not, how can i keep him interested in me? one day he went through my phone ( we were not even dating yet ) and he saw some texts from a guy that i was also interested in but i had stopped talking to. fwb has also asked me to bring my dog over, since we’re both dog lovers.
i realize that im sending him very mixed signals too but its bc im s cared he doesnt feel the same way. when we used to hang out 4 years ago, it would basically always be to “have relations” but we used to talk on the phone a lot too. i don't have anymore my center of gravity wrapped around the action or non-action of a man, but still, can't get a clear sense of this one here. so if he doesn’t go down on you or take part in any type of foreplay at all, it’s a massive red flag. , he was there too and we by chance we able to talk and he hugged me when he saw me and kept purposely running into me. in fact, i encourage you to wait until you’re with a guy who you like a lot, and who has said he likes you too. it may signal a desire for something more, or it may be his idea of heaven just as it is. but he continued to text and call and ask if we can have dinner, i kept saying no. my friends think im crazy and delusional that if we were meant to be together then we would be by now., until i hear back from you, i’m not doing anything.) should i just flat-out ask him, or do i have to get my head on straight first?” i said i guess i would and he said well, you never know you might find a man, fall in love, get married, and move to somewhere like ______”. i just worry sometimes, but i know most of his friends’ aren’t the type of guys. apparently she didn’t take him back because of his upset facebook posts and the fact that we started hanging out again. i was scared that he would use me but already falling for him. moved back home and we started to sleep together occasionally but he was still my best friend. his teenage kid sometimes lives with him, sometimes w/ the ex. untill now, i messaged him to see how he’s doing., should i ask him next time i see him in person or is it ok if i just ask him over the phone? that night he finally kissed me and it just felt so wonderful. it was hurtful they way he did that because by then i already had these feelings for him. i’m just not sure if i fit in his schedule “literally. should i just ask him what is it that he wants from me? hard to say whether it’s too late with this girl or not. in other words: when a guy is into you, you’ll know it… you’ll feel it at an instinctual level. a guy who sees you as just a hookup will make you wonder wtf his deal is. also, there’s a period early on where both parties are getting to know each other, and shouldn’t necessarily be held accountable for their intentions regarding a relationship. if he found out that you have developed feelings for him, and he cut off the sex, that would be a blessing, because it would prevent further heartbreak for you. he always asks me question after question after question about me, almost like i don’t even get a chance to answer his questions because he keeps asking more! he would sometimes talk about his frustration with his backa nd forth ex, which i really couldn’t care less about. i don’t ask him if he’s dating anyone else or how he spends his time (i really don’t want to know). he came over to me the next night after that happened and it looked so bad.: k see u in a bitwe hung out and it was once again back to normal, talked, cuddled, kissed, then he had to leave bc he had to run early in the morning (he does track)nothing sat, nothing sun. i know he was drunk, so he was being silly probably. but all that time he was more than obviously staring at me in a way that suggested he found me attractive. in any case, you should ask him why he is calling you a friend at the same time he is seeking sex. i want to tell him he has nothing to worry about but last time i did he ran away and i thought i scared him off or lost him. he is very attentive when i have life problems, and he listens and tries to help me come up with solutions. she has never said anything about not wanting attachment, and if her friend hadn’t told me that i would think we were heading straight for a relationship.” lay your cards on the table, and see what happens. and he hides his feelings well, so instead of just waiting to talk to him in person i spoke before i thought and sent him an email telling him that i just didn’t want to just hook up everytime i saw him, i wanted to know what was on his mind. i have dated the same guy my entire high school career. if you really do want nsa, the right thing to do is bump back on his behaviors and tell him they are inappropriate for an nsa “relationship. another analogy…my tomato plant seedlings are buried under soil. theres this guy i met who lives on my floor at school, and he is in a few of my classes. if you want to know how he feels about you, that’s the way to find out. i sort of thought he would either go all in, in which case, i would and could include him in my life plans and find a way of staying in the country and we could work on being together, or all out, in which case i could do whatever i please and know i am free. met this guy in around january at an exhibition when he came with a friend of mine and as soon as i saw him i was attracted to him, and the more, as i talked to him. on the other hand, if he likes you and is feeling a bit shy or awkward, then your talking to him gives him an opportunity to respond positively and make that clear. anyway, we mutually decided to meet up for a few beers and just chat/get to know one another. he has been super friendly sense and when i got us food and made sure it was spicy he said “that’s my girl. don’t focus on the sex, focus on the friendship or attachment. i showed hesitency just because the situation to me is weird but whatever. we did exchange some rather racey texts the day after we hooked up. if she was looking for a hookup, and you acted like a potential bf, that would explain her diminished interest. i am too much of a chicken to tell him flat-out to stop chasing me, because he is rather sensitive to criticism. and then still have absolutely no desire to become an exclusive couple., when i had shown him the apprehensions of me coming to his apartment , he got angry saying that its wrong of me doubting him. that seems disrespectful to me, unless he’s made it clear he doesn’t mind. he ended up cooking my fajitas and made me a homemade cake which he pointed out he had never done before for anyone. i thought we should probably get onto the same page about this. i figure i have nothing to lose, i was newly single at this point, so i ask him if he wants to hang out and catch up. and today understands what went wrong, but if i get too close to him, although he says that he wants to work on our marriage, he gets angry and lashes out at me. we texted sporadically for a while and i invited him to a paintball session a bunch if friends were going to but he works all weekend (two fulltime jobs) so he couldn’t make it but offered to hang out after and we could “fool around. i’ve known this guy for years through a band that i am friends with that he joined. like i said i feel like his actions are telling me different than his words. online dating is great, but there is a lot of rejection involved.. i dont know why i am telling u to i really dont know’ i didnt reply and he kept messaging me saying please reply and then he called me but i told him i dont want to argue and fight and to please talk about any thing else but not why he keeps encouraging me to hook up. when were alone he shows affection also and we can just hang out without “hooking up”. but he really, really does not seem to have any faith in relationships right now…understandable since the last girl is still so fresh in his mind and was such a horrible person. now i knw he dsnt hav a qwerty keyboard and i knw i dnt annoy him cuz im chill but i like him. most guys just hook up and move on or i guess the term ‘hit it and quit it’. don’t let them tell you you’re a ho. back to my birthday, on my birthday i had sex with her for a good hour and a half pretty much sober had one or two shots earlier in the eve and i wasn’t able to finish without my friend “pamela handerson” ;). i’m so confused but really feel that there is something there between us. last night he came over to my place and the same thing happened, but we ended up hooking up. i can stroke it, run my fingers through it, bury my face in it, feel its light feathery touch on my penis, etc… but as much as i love hair, i don’t have to love the girl attached to the hair in order to love playing with the hair. is either immature or unkind, but either way he is not relationship material, at least not now, and not for you. him kept saying he is coming to me but always something came up and could not make it.. i mean i like him, but sometimes i feel like he sends such mixed signals and i feel strung along, waiting for him to do something. yet i wonder if he does this to every girl he hooks up with. is never too soon to ask a man what he’s looking for – you ask when you need to know. he will not fall in love if he has already decided not to. i don’t know what i should do/ how i should act when i see him. i am scared of putting so much energy into this awesome but temporarily insecure guy.. should i feel guilty for hooking up last night, i have never talked about exclusiveness with this girl, but do i owe her an explanation/ should i tell her? i’m confused again… do you think that means he is not as into me as i am to him. to the world of middle-aged husbands served with divorce papers from their bored wives. he adds you on social media it used to be that if a guy liked you he would trumpet it from the rooftops or write you on ode or some other nonsense. i’ve heard that means a guy wants the company of a girl but at the same time wants his distance. right before the end of the 1st quarter when we were gonna be off for 3 weeks, we decided to end the friends with benefits thing. i really wanted to and i guess i couldn’t be tough about it anymore! this comment box is not long enough for me to explain everything that went wrong in my marriage, and everything that i put up with to make sure that our kids his and mine got off to college. he told me one day to tell him how i feel so i told him and his response was: “just because i enjoy my freedom doesn’t mean i don’t want someone in my life.’s talking oneself into the rationality of the arrangement (neither of us have time for a relationship, don’t want to get tied down, what about my career, etc etc), the rational setting of boundaries (you don’t have to call the next day, sleeping over is optional, yada yada yada), the repeating of “there’s no place like home” (“it’s only sex, i’m not having any feelings for him/her,”) the admission that they’d love to have a real relationship, endless questions about what this or that semi-romantic gesture means (holding hands during sex, making breakfast, calling for no reason), barely repressed frustration at the tantalizing could-be’s. he plans for us both three months ahead, cooks for me all the time, tells me things he never told to anyone before, is eager to cover all the bills up and prioritizes me in bed always, suggested to meet my child. when i say i've seen how he looks at me i mean i see longing, like he wants to get closer but something is holding him back. i have always known men to do what they say. so the girl didnt like me she picked cause i guess she was threatend by me but there was no need cause i had made up my mind to let him go. background info: he holds a partnership in multiple businesses that require him to work odd hours. this pain is really killing me and i dont know what should i do. we emailed back and forth just once every while, while he was traveling just to see how he was doing and then all of a sudden i didn’t hear from him anymore. well, i’ve been seeing this guy for about 6 weeks, and i’m getting mixed signals (probably giving them too! fast forward 3 years later and i heard that he has settled down with a new girlfriend and about a month ago i get a message from his sister who now works where i do and she said ‘by the way my brother says hello to you! it’s like he can’t keep his hands off of me, and it’s so confusing. i went out of town on sunday, otherwise i think he probably would have tried to see me again. i would suggest moving forward with your own life, but remain friendly and keep the lines of communication open. you are comfortable how you are, if it ain’t broke don’t fix it, don’t let your friends talk you into ruining it by taking it somewhere you don’t want to go. if it’s a relationship, then continuing fwb is a bad idea. i know that’s not all of them, but it’s a lot. i have an odd schedule (usually work weekends) so we kinda work around my work schedule. initially, it was one of those things where there were no expectations, casual, go with the flow kind of thing. he has told me that no other girl has come over to his place and he’s not the type to lie (there was a toothbrush at his place and i said i didn’t know who has used it). sounds like a classic case of a guy who’s been burned bigtime, and may want to date a woman but a full-blown integrated relationship is going to be a long-range project for him. so i don’t think he is seeing anyone else. so if he ever did cheat i would never be able to find out. it was going on like this for a while, and i was able to let this happen without feeling anything for him, but then i started getting feelings for another friend of mine. some people should not be parents, and i’m pretty sure he’s one of them. he said he really wanted to see me and that he thought about me everyday. this week, during one of our text convos, he casually bring up first when i’ll be “coming up” to his city… and i say this long weekend! we hooked up and then i kicked him out of my house after. if he really had respected me and had feelings for me wouldn’t that question not make sense? he always compliments me and will drop anything to do what i ask. texted here and there, if he texted first…it was usually sexual. next day via sms he was messaging about how he had such an amazing time and how much fun we had. he may or may not be telling the truth but i feel it doesn’t correlate with how we were all these years. i have three weeks of winter holiday in which i wont see him, and im not sure how to approach the new year with him. i thought he was a great guy, funny and nice. i dont know if i should let my feelings come forward or if i should cut back on our communications so that my feelings do not get involved and i dont get hurt. i met with no response, so why’d he ask me then? about two weeks ago he said that we should stop having sex (we hooked up twice) because he doesn’t want it to complicate things with us living so close (we both own our houses) and that if we dated it could be the best thing in the world or the worst.’m alarmed that you told this guy you would always be there “regardless of his mistakes. your friends may have a point if you two are holding back on going to full partner status due to anxiety, personal hangup, etc, but in my experience people who are “meant to be together” want to integrate their lives and bring each other into their social circles. so since he lives in another city far from mine, after i came back home i invited him to come for a visit as he did. clearly you need to know the whole story, and you’re in the unfortunate position of having to ask him for more details, which feels like pressuring him, or waiting and wondering until he makes another move. he says “no relationship” then walk away and don’t look back. is it worth sticking around and seeing where things go or are they not ever going to go anywhere? did asked him one time if he was shy when it came to making the first move and he said yes. i’d say let it go for now, but stay alert to red flags or any signs of disinterest, attraction to other people, etc. that is something way out of character for me, but it just sorta happened. but plenty of people in relationships did start out with sex and got to know each other afterwards. used to text me maybe once a day… we wouldn’t text all day either it was just about classes or about something relevant at the moment (no “hey”.) some of the things he did raised a red flad and i didn’t want to deal with it any longer so i actually told him that if we weren’t going to have a relationship, i wanted us to stop being intimate. it sounds like he had a great vacation fling for a few weeks, but feels no sense of obligation or wish to be in any kind of regular, ongoing contact., there is something very strange about a guy who does not like sex. we go to dinner and movies and other special things that only we like to do. so on friday i take her out to dinner and then we meet up with our friends and the whole night we are affectionately kissing and feeling each other and at one point she started rubbing my dick through my pants. i can’t help but now get a sinking feeling she’s over it for some reason. is there any possibility this could be more, or am i just naive? but when she wasn’t there, we’d sleep in and he offered that i stay there while he went to work and just “lock up before i left”. before thanksgiving time however, he stopped texting as much and would respond bluntly to anything i say like a simple “mkay,”so we hung out in his room and kissed friday, then saturday i initiated texting 5:00pm. couldn’t explain it but just something about him somehow got me attracted to him. i separated from my husband 6months ago and am a mother of two little girls. he won’t give me straight answers, which if he was a normal guy i would know what that meant but he is not normal! so andrew and i talked every single day all day via text, sometimes on facebook chat, and he would call me every few days and every time he went out drinking. i give you a lot of credit for asking him directly what was happening – i wish he had been more forthcoming with details.@perplexed and frustratedone of the reasons he gave me was” you are very time consuming and are enough, my meeting up with other girls would not make you happy., i am in college and its my second year here different program this time. i think it’s probably perfect, because i can continue to date (and so can he) to find the right one. he does not want to cross a line into a new involvement right now. what he said and did was misleading, because later on when he said he didn’t want a relationship, in which i agreed, but i felt ambiguous and wanted to just see what happens without labels, so pressure was put on what we were doing. i feel like she already knows everything about me – exposing myself like that on a first date is very unlike me. reminds me… every time we’re at a party, the whole night his eyes are on me, and they oddly appear as if they’re smiling.. and then we hung out for a the rest of the night and i slept over with him (no sex, but we hooked up) (i had gotten locked out of my dorm and he said i could sleep with him). when it didnt work out he told me he’d like to “hang out” again, when the next weekend comes around.… what if a hook up becomes very regular, displays quite a bit of affection in public (around people we had discussed should not be aware of said “hooking up”), allows you to be alone in his house while hes at an appointment, buys you coffee, makes you breakfast, provides you with a new toothbrush and insists you spend a majority of the day with him while going out of his way to be affectionate? i have been in a 3 year relationship that was amazing, but then i came for an exchange program in a different country.:i want to hear your thoughts tho, its not just about meand no answer. the past two months, he comes rushing in once per month, only to ignore me for the next 4 weeks, and as soon as he feels my distance, he comes rushing back, only to ignore me again for the next 4 weeks. at the end of the work day, i asked him if there was something wrong and he seemed really embarassed. if he wants to make the commitment, that this is something real and serious, and that you are going to be in each other’s lives, you will embark on a whole new relationship that should include a lot more than being in bed together. but we spent almost everyday in the 4mths tgt under my hse void deck.,i am having a major issue right now that is completely stressing me out in a time that i don’t need stress. normal everyday conversation consists of me sharing while he says nothing. after my friend left, he has gone back to how he was before the friend visit. yet i’m feeling unsure about things, about what i want, and what he wants. he was cute and dorky, but i am too and there is so many things that we have in common. so i didnt hear from him over the whole summer saw him a few times around the neighborhoods but that was it. he said he cares for me, loves spending time with me and once he kisses and embraces me, he does feel things but just not the “marry me” things. don’t take the flirtation as indication that he likes you, unless there are specific actions that back it up. if he is not willing to give it, you walk. it’s none of their damn business and it bothers me they suggest i “owe” it to her or something. i know he has dated girls but from what i understand, they were all long distance relationships. susan,i met a guy from another city sometimes in may. i haven’t really heard from him after that and it’s been about 3 months now. those are the signals that point me in the “more-than-friends thinking” direction. work, his age, his indifference and the intensity of what i feel for him, and what a does not feel for me is soul consuming. certainly if the owner found out, you could easily be fired. and it looks like he isn’t keeping up anymore with his online journal and almost like he’s disappeared. i have learned to sometimes just let things sort themselves out: i. i think im going to need a shot before i do that hahathank you sooooo much for taking the time to read and respond to my messages! in fact, i think it’s very odd when people get really close and are spending a lot of time together and don’t talk about what they’re doing, or try to define it in some way. i also wonder what he wanted to say drunk, but didn’t say. its like he helped me free myself from one tyrant, only to capture me in his invisible, but no less painful and restrictive cage. but we were hanging out too much, too soon, multiple times a week. i want to stay with you” he likes stroking my head and he looks into my eyes in an intense way, infact i’ve caught him looking at me quite alot and so i keep saying ”why are you looking at me? out of curiosity, i asked if he was looking for a relationship, and he said maybe, but he wasn’t willing to rush into things and wanted to see what direction things took. we chatted some more, then he said he had to leave and would text me. and i’ve even have a very close, well-trusted and well-seasoned guy friend tell me that a man will not pursue a woman for more than a few short months if he is not genuinely interested. he picked me up and walked me back to my room. he text me after he t to ask if i was ok and i said well, yes but you did upset me. he would want to cuddle and get mad when i snuck out in the morning without saying goodbye. i’ve been pretty receptive i think, and he initiates contact most of the time. i told him i had feelings for him and might not be able to do this much longer or they’ll turn for the worst. i’m not sure if i was used for a ride or if he actually likes me and really wants me to move up there or what. does most of the signs in here, gives me nicknames, can spend time with me without having sex with me and when we do have sex he does focus on me and texts me practically everyday even when he is on a lads only holiday. the research shows is that early sex is not a barrier to a relationship if both parties went into it interested in a relationship. we haven’t really gone on many dates, but we hook up and sleep together on the regular now. now that you have hooked up, he will either back off or continue his interest. there are no exceptions: if he’s into you, he’ll text you. i really like him a lot, just he seems close to perfect in my opinion..Lisa, i can only go on the information you’re giving me, but it sounds like his changing his mind about commitment is unlikely. spent all day with him and her and then ate with my family. i am rather confused about the whole thing since i have the feeling he desires me sexually only. he finally brought up his family to me for the first time the last time i saw him, which he has never done that before (i loves his family dearly and are very close).” it’s the male version of “settling,” “i’m done landing these hot babes so i’m going to keep you. he mocks me and i do the same with him very often. now not even a full week after we are both back on campus we were cuddling and watching a movie he tells me how he likes me as a “really good friend” i dont like the “just friends” thing… but he keeps saying “we’ll see” about me and him later on…(i am a bigger girl and im a bit clingy he wants me to give him space and lose weight. not only that he said he’s done with the other girl but i don’t know i guess i’m confused there is a lot i really can’t put on here too long of a story but any help would be great or advice. what about a guy who is continually after you, even though you’ve ignored him, given him the cold shoulder, and even acted very obviously negative towards his advances? he's always genuinely interested in what i have to say, what my plans are for the day, week, whatever, who i'm talking to, if any boys are pursuing me, etc. but i refused, he was sad, but respected my decision. he sounds very confident, so if he is interested he will pursue. i realized later that day that he was asking “what are we? i remember most of the conversation we had but there are parts that i don’t and that’s what’s killing me. after that he would continuously text me and call me up every day just to say hi… what is going on here? what really got me was how he reacted when he saw me., he was too young to immature to want anything else. there’ll be some cuddling, some pillow talk, maybe you’ll get coffee together or even breakfast. don’t think it’s all an act, but it depends on what he wants. the circumstances, im hoping he’d decided what he wants and weighed out the options before even trying to get involved with me again./susan,i find helen’s comment to encapsulate all of a typical woman’s (and a lot of men’s) thoughts about fwb at the same time. or he has a fear of commitment/doesn’t want to get hurt? we went to three different bars, my place, went out to a restaurant for late night food, and then she spent the night. for future reference, i think that if you have something casual with someone, stop and then pick up again at some future point, you should assume that it is still casual. more than that the truth is i’m overly analytical, like i’m the type to obsess over something and dissect it completely — like i literally cannot “go with the flow” — more than that i cant bring myself to ask him what is going on with him bc everytime the conversation moves that way he just avoids the question or manages to work around it. that leaves you with taking a “wait and see” approach, or giving him more time. so that kind of leads me to believe that he’s interested in the “hook-up” more than anything. if he met someone tomorrow he wanted to see or have sex with, he would end it with you in a heartbeat, no? when i walked into one of my classes i glanced around and noticed several guys and a few of the girls that i would spend the rest of the year with. if you were the one to break the engagement, this is truly cruel on your part. he moved back to his parents house, just 8 hrs away from where i live and a few days later on new years eve/day, he spent hours just texting me and focusing on me while at a party when most people would be having fun and just partying the night away.. i really like him a lot, but not planning to contact him until he does, which is painful. you describe sounds like a full-blown relationship to me, not fwb. felt like i had soo many questions and decided to send him an email basically telling him that what i wrote before wasn’t what i meant and what i meant was that i enjoyed our friendship before and i realize that i can’t do the in between because i can’t handle it and i have feelings.( we are neighbors btw) so i normally see this guy almost every other day and not on the weekends. he held me and kept asking if i was ok and if i wanted to go to bed. otherwise, i’d have told him a long time ago. i'm not sure of your age here – i'm guessing still in high school. curious and feel the same way as he does, but he doesn’t seem to care. pictures of beyonce she seriously wants removed from the internet. but shortly after we started spending time together, things started shifting gear.: haha i guess we are both not good at the texting thing but im glad we are both on the same page on the last bit 🙂. months after that, i wanted to apologize to him, whether he would care or not, just wanted to get it out of my system to move on so first i wrote to him asking him how he was doing and he responded that he was doing well and all that, so i then sent an apology for what had happend before and he never responded back, so i figured either he didn’t care or i hurt him, not really sure. the past year 2009/2010 school year there was this guy me and him got together in october, dating and cuddling and sex. at the last minute, he decided he was starting to feel better and really wanted to see me. haven’t been to his apartment and he hasn’t been to mine either, we always met at a mall and go from there. this guy’s behavior isn’t unusual for a college guy, but it’s not the behavior of a guy who’s officially dating either. so now with the year almost at an end and him being a senior i dont know what to do. if he leaves you, then he was never in for the relationship at the first place. we both made it clear that we only wanted a physical relationship because of both of our busy lifestyles (both being single parents) and because of the possibility of a conflict of interest because he knows my ex. this is unfair to you if you would rather move forward! i was still pretty sure he would have just wanted sex. if you stop seeing this man, i would think very carefully before entering another arrangement like this one. you give hints that say no, but something about your manner or body language says yes! about a week later i find out that my fathers best friends son is also newly single (2 months) after an on and off 7 year relationship. i would’ve thought that the cold-shoulder and just plain ignoring him would be enough, but he does not give up his pursuit. he can’t tell me he sees me in the future but he also doesn’t deny it. he would never admit to me that mary was his girlfriend, even though everyone said she was. long story short, the marriage went downhill, and 3 years into the marrige and 75 added pounds on my 5′ 2 body a man 11 years my junior befriends me at work. we are about the same age and both from latino backgrounds.“i truly like him, but i act a bit untamed at times”. if he refuses to be seen with you in public, he wants to stay single. little things such as taking time to get to know my friends and such prove this. then he wanted to shower which was just fun, playing around, no sex. guys like to cuddle and be affectionate with girls, even when they have no desire for a girlfriend. i met him almost a year ago and he liked me right from the start, but unfortunately i was still not over another guy. when they accuse him of hooking up with another girl he explains to me that thats not what happened, that he didnt do that. if he doesn’t agree or tells you that he is unready/unsure if he wants to be in a relationship, you might just have to let it go. he has clearly expended considerable time, energy and resources on you, so i can’t imagine you are truly getting played. talked to him yesterday (monday), he told he wanted to see me and that he would call me, he knows that today and tomorrow i was off but i didn’t heard a from him today 🙁 do you think he lost interest or he is just busy…? i feel trapped in the middle of this emotional storm, and many times just crawl into bed feeling so defeated. but this really helped me know where i stand and if the girl i am talking with right now is taking me seriously. wonder if you ever wanted no strings attached, that saying that was just a negotiating technique or a defense mechanism to keep yourself for getting too attached too early.” him: “no, that must have been with your other boyfriend. he hides stuff on his social networking site because he’s afraid i’ll see something. on the other hand, he may just be genuinely busy, and will actually text me when he has time.,he told me that he cant seeing anyone else so i shouldnt either because he doesnt want to have std`s which was a lame excuse,i mean come on,there are condoms,so its obviously am seeing this like a relationship or am being paranoid with everything? other thing is that im battling lots of self esteem issues. that, i suppose, everyone has to gauge or find themselves what that means to them. i explained to him that anthony had advised me that he wasn’t looking for a relationship at this time and he was shocked and also proud that he seems to be changing and he then said to me well my brother is a great catch don’t let him go. is the first time i date a man of this rare breed: an entrepreneur, a workaholic, and the frustrated artist in one package. in today's modern world, many relationships start much more casually than they did in the past. he asked me to stay over and we cuddled the rest of the night and even into the morning. we both have very busy work schedules and kids etc so find it hard to make time to meet up so when we do we just want to rip each others clothes off. to me it seems that he is pushing me away, but just far enough to just reel me back in. he invited me over all the time to stay with him. we ended up hooking up the night before i left for europe (july 2011). say you want love and partnership from this man, but it seems to me that he’s made it pretty clear he’s not offering either. he was really respectful and went in for a kiss, which i rejected. i know he’s has a past of getting around with alot of other girls, but he doesn’t treat me like one of them. for inconveniencing the other person by withdrawing access to easy sex. there is only one way to know, and that is to bring it up. he still doesn’t talk to me as much as before (neither do i).