Is it wrong to hook up with a drunk girl
Is It Wrong To Hook Up With Drunk Girls? (Is It A Crime?) - YouTube
Dating deutsche in der schweiz,
Is it bad to hook up with a drunk girl
wait for him to treat her like a girlfreind before doing the deed. and if not, whatevs — if you’re truly in a good, strong place, you’ll be beating men off with a stick. they haven’t grasped that porn star and girlfriend are mutually exclusive. i have never countered anything resembling a hook up culture in the post-grad, professional world..this is so utterly ludicrous, so fantastically flat-earth at odds with reality that it’s difficult to know even where to start in responding to it. you’ve gotta figure every single thing written about them is just rumor and gossip.@susan, you first wrote, “many college women have had sex with 20, 30, even 40 different men., a player is a man who uses deceit to get sex from a woman. i was lucky because i learned from other men coming up, but i think a lot guys don’t have that so they just go with their (worst) instincts: burnishing their manhood with stories of their escapades. i refuse to be the white knight in shining armor. like i said, i don’t blame guys, i just find it personally frustrating. subjective claims, especially when self-serving (“it’s not my fault i gave in, i was socialized that way”), require objective evidence before they can be taken seriously.”many of the male commenters on this site talk about how even if a girl hasn’t said anything about how many men she’s slept with, there are signs that make it clear she’s been promiscuous. he tried to withhold the name, but i guarantee that’s been released by now to(other people saw him with her some nights and they’ll tell when probed). popular belief is that a girl can’t take advantage of a guy because she can’t physically force him into performing sexual favors for her. i used to think “facials” were degrading and a strictly guy-fantasy, but girls are requesting them these days so i guess not. because hooking up is pretty easy to do, especially since most people tend to hook up with others that are part of their friends’ circle or on the periphery of their friends circle. it a sign of my old age that i thinl bjs are more intimate than p-in-v sex? might as well go for the girls who are ready for some bed hopping.“either way, the pastures are only “greener” for a select minority of men so if some women can adjust their “standards” and make “better” choices, there most certainly will be men willing to “commit” (monogamous relationship) for a reliable supply of sex. the only thing i can think of is for girls to give more directs iois, so these guys can work up some b*lls to go for it, but i really don’t know.. men aren’t belittled for having sex, they are belittled for not having sex… and little dicks. i started with a really long comment here that became off topic and more about me so i ended up expanding on it and posting it on my blog although i suspect that it’s not showing up as the most recent post yet underneath this comment. without that necessary qualifier what you’ve written is basically wrong., “thankyou for asking me but no, i would not be interested in going out with you” acceptable?@dragnetthis fits perfectly with a recent post by vincent ignatius:@aldonza. this is one thing i wondered about at the time you first said it. on the face of it, though, i’ll agree – brad pitt is the one who was disloyal. that and your soft spot for bad girls who are of course never responsible for their actions.*all names of college students have been changed to protect the anonymity of the sources. am realizing just how mean spirited and dismissive people can be. i’m not sure it matters whether the homely woman puts out or not, they despise her anyway because she has low sex rank. i imagine that a guy like the one in athlone’s story would win the whole thing with his “rimjob” experience. or just that former party girls should get their just desserts? this outright rudeness/ insensitivity/meanness you’re talking about when it comes to interactions between the sexes – i see it rarely. you can’t understand why that’s so, but i will tell you it is so..the same goes for this subject of being unable to say “no” to the request/demand of a man you’re invested in, even if it’s something that you don’t want to do or which makes you feel uncomfortable. the “argument from helplessness” pushes all the blame and all the responsibility onto the “super-villain” cad, while poor nell is utterly powerless before his hypnotic gaze. i’ve lived in three different major to mid-sized cities, and almost everyone i knew or knew of is married or in a ltr. sheesh, why not play the masochistic nice guy cry pillow for them while he’s at it? maybe they don’t want to admit that a man wants more than just friends, because she’s just not interested.” women would benefit from not having sex until they have learnt to say “no”, otherwise they may get pushed into things they really don’t want to do.-6 but we only hookup when i am completely hammered and if nothing else pans out for me during the night. as women we make choices that compromise our pay so that we may get other benefits. it’s a perception, which means that for some women, it’s reality.“some women seem to believe that if they can be as good as a porn star, a guy will fall for them, or at least keep them around indefinitely. you’d be surprised at the things (young) women are willing to do for men they’re attracted to…and i’ve definitely heard girls talk shit about the guys they hook-up with, but i think the difference is that guys don’t care as much—unless he’s impotent or something. when i say nonexistent, i mean it in this way: they do not talk to women, they do not flirt, they do not smile, they do not say hello. their success insulates them with a false sense of security. for women, it’s not reasonable to think that a jerk with a promiscuous past is going to enjoy monogamy – perhaps ever. but i very much think, 99 percent sure, the wives are in on the deal and ok with it. average college student, both male and female, leaves school with a mean of <2 sexual partners. if they work up the courage to talk to a girl, they go and screw it up by being completely oblivious to the signs she’s putting out and by not taking their friends’ (me!@erdosis there anyone other than susan (she’s still more than welcome to try) who can explain to me how women withholding sex, in a system where neither sex is held to any communal standard or constrained by any law, will produce commitment in their partners? girls do not have “a chorus of friends who will cheer if she leaves her partner, no matter how sudden. i was only talking about situations in which a guy is asking a girl to do something she’s not really comfortable with and she already knows the guy and likes him. a few simple rules of common courtesy will lead to less regrets in the morning light and the whole hookup experience will be more positive for everyone involved. would rather go live alone in a mud hut in south america and have to catch my own fish and forage for my own berries braving the many and varied dangers of the rainforest than have a team of football players critique my naked body and my performance in bed amongst themselves. this is probably a combination of opportunity, personality type, and previous partner count. you wrote, “the average college student, both male and female, leaves school with a mean of <2 sexual partners., i know that many young women in college would rather say yes and get it over with than risk a confrontation with possible aggression. i think it is the girl who is fooling herself and not the other way around. i wish someone had told me instead, “sex is something you might want to wait with because of x, y and z. i guess i just enjoy giving advice/responding to posts like this because quite frankly i find women and dealing with them very interesting. it ethical for me to pray for early onset male pattern baldness for him? i agree that men and women are both entitled to the truth about a person’s sexual history before making a commitment, or indeed even having sex once. so, it shouldn’t be too surpising that there are men that wouldn’t consider sleeping with megan fox. i encourage women to take full responsibility for their choices. guy in a group house told her that they had a big whiteboard, and they would all compete for points earned by participating in various sexual practices. you and i are in the minority presuming that they actually have the ability to make their own choices. women who want exciting sex with bad boys otherwise out of their league should have at it. the stuff above is pretty tame actually compared to stuff i heard back when i was bouncing, and from the “player” i work with. i’ve been sitting out the hook up scene and have said no the leering and the hook up offers i have received. i’ve had girls i’ve tried to date flat out say that they have no idea how to respond to me because i try to be decent to them, and they’ve “never dated a guy who is so nice”.:i did not say men should be snared into commitment with a lie. it’s my experience that you get more play if you are tight-lipped. feel like a lot of girls do know how they’re perceived by men when they’re hooking up. i take relationships very seriously as you probably can tell, and i would only divorce as an absolute last resort if my spouse did something truly awful (infidelity, violence, etc.“that’s what she gets for not swallowing like a good little democrat. as long as we’re talking about college students, i can say with great confidence that most of my peers do not have the maturity to behave in their best interests around someone they really like, especially when their judgment is impaired by something like alcohol. no one is held to any standard by anyone else, not even their own parents, for what they do with their bodies and with whom. let’s throw in some nasty genital rashes for good measure. what about the guy who really cares for the girl and never gets her. ignorance is bliss, until they realize they never get the commitment., i had a man who desperately wanted to commit to me, for the wrong reasons. sex is so powerful a force that people without a good deal of ego strength can really be messed up by it.’ve said it before but i do always find it funny when people think of virgins on college campuses as being akin to unicorns.@ chilithe point is that women have the wherewithal to say no if they really, really want to say no. if it seems that men bedding multiple successive women without commitment is “player”-like behavior, that’s because it is, but a “player” true is an outlier; someone who isn’t obeying the held sexual ethics of the time. my husband otoh stood up before god and promised fidelity. isn’t that a pretty much average looking woman without make up yada yada yada?.of course, i cannot tell you with any certainty what’s going on around you where you are now, or where any person of quality x is to be found. do you really want a guy or girl who acts like that? sure some 8s and 9s go the hook up route too but a lot smaller percentage i think. he’d wake up with no recollection of ever inviting her home. and it also applies to girls raised very, very strictly. if it ends badly or you’ve been paired with someone immature or vindictive, all bets are off. it’s a great test of whether he’s worth your energy: if he’s into you, he’ll text you. many college women have had sex with 20, 30, even 40 different men. it’s all about whether a woman is willing to see them. you should do better, and put in the necessary qualifiers so as not to make general statements that are, in general, wrong. but maybe she doesn’t have to when she can use alcohol to her advantage instead, and then the only difference between her and a guy who behaves this way is that she won’t get in trouble for it. i’m doing what i’m supposed to do, which is avoiding the assholes while doing my best to be nice and approachable, and so are many of my girlfriends. sure, telling the entire school how you degraded a girl you hooked up with might be mean. that is not the same as saying they seek men who never commit. it’s not surprising that many frustrated young women wind up dropping panties while drunk, hoping for the best, just to be included, part of the scene, having a normal college experience. let’s throw in some nasty genital rashes for good measure. the generalizations you are making are fairly common among critics of selective higher education, but if you actually came and spent enough time here, you’d lose them quickly. by sharing objective information about biology, research, economics, feminism, sexual psychology, and the experiences of real men and women i aim to arm young men and women with information that may help them avoid some of that. it seems that, beautiful women are only approached by men who are over-compensating for something (e. what exactly do men have to gain out of this supposed promise of “commitment”? i went to a school of 1,000 and in an environment like that, we’d really shoot ourselves in the foot by sharing which girls did what with whom. i will never be roissy or roosh, the type of player with the ability to completely disconnect myself emotionally from girls i hook up with and treat them like sex dolls. i feel empathy for any girl who learns this lesson the first time. young men today have little incentive to commit and to respect the privacy of their female hookups, so they don’t do it. can’t wait to finally get plastic surgery and stop being the ugly girl everyone is embarrassed to be seen with. and when people do manage to find it, they want to keep it and have it last forever. we have some of the stereotypical party dudes and girls here like you’d expect at college, but they aren’t as common at all because few of them actually get in. they respect that guy and they respect that girl by extension. way to avoid is to be a relationship only girl who doesn’t put out quickly. as you put it, we did give women the chance to go out with us, but vanishingly few took us up on it. what a man/men expect out commitment is important to whether he is happy with his relationship. in that way, the toasters got more attention that any other girl. she will hook up next with a teammate of his, perhaps, and will feel special once again that she has attracted a high status varsity athlete. there was a comment on one of the entries here (i can’t recall it) that said something to the effect of “asking women to forgo bad boys/players/alpha males/etc is like asking men to reject physically attractive women”. they come to think they’re above the need for the petty morality of the little people.
Is it easy to hook up with a drunk girl
some girls just seem to feel like it’s rude or unkind to say no, firmly and decisively. the cities… combined with busing girls in from local colleges. the porn star stuff needs to wait until you are years into a relationship, imho. (it keeps her ltr value up, and his cost down). have absolutely have no experience with good women, nor a decent imagination do you? it does create some other social dynamics(some of which i eluded to in comments on other recent posts), but wildness is not one of them. i’m doing what i’m supposed to do, which is avoiding the assholes while doing my best to be nice and approachable, and so are many of my girlfriends. and besides what i’m suggesting is not even babysitting. sounds nicer, but then if he sees me next month out with another guy he’ll know it’s a lie.: “it is not plausible, much less reasonable, to ask women to see beyond poor and inept delivery. obviously not: most girls’ heads would swell to fill a planet were an alpha to propose to them. i don’t know where you are in the pecking order of your team/frat, but it’s important that you try to modify the kiss and tell dynamic of your club.. and yeah we did keep on banging girls and dropping ltr values like mad… but not as sadistically. response so far has simply been more towards the leave-it-alone variety, whereby i just don’t bother talking to them or trying to date them. i went freelance, subcontracting with my old firm, and i made a lot less money.@athlone,you and i have a different take on what constitutes knighthood. women like the one in this post obviously don’t, but that is not true for all women, or even a majority. also, i’m sure you can appreciate that if we were able to share that forum thread with the woman in question, she would not be happy. they forfeit that scene because they are secure in their looks and figure they’ll do better once they’re out of school and can have access to older guys. it seems that men and women both are in general agreement on this. told me, “do you know how hard it is for an average guy to get access to many women? maybe some women like the attention and don’t want to lose it. think a lot of girls assume that they’re in group 2 when they’re really in group 1. maybe you are not interested in marriage/commitment, but many men are. an attention hungry 21 year old from a broken home gets taken advantage of by the most powerful man in the western world, and those few minutes of her life ruin the rest of it. most of the kids who go here are pretty decent people, conservative and liberal alike, and very polite for the most part. the problem with the guy who is so smooth that every woman wants him, is that while you are together his chances of cheating are exponentially higher than a less flashy guy. however, i urge the men, especially those who are well out of college, to consider that many of the young women writing here are trying to figure this out. all know what happens when a sober-ish guy hooks up with a girl who’s been drinking too much. no of my girlfriends or guy mates talk about their girlfriends or boyfriends sexual prowess or sexual preferences.. not just because of the derogatory ways in which they are talking about these women they have hooked-up with but just the thought that i have most likely been discussed in this exact way to someone else too.”i don’t know how relevant the “men follow your lead” part still is in the present hooking up atmosphere though. women have free access to any kind of relationship with anyone they want, with the onus being completely upon them to make any decision at any stage in time, they will act in a way that immediately satisfies their emotional and physical desires. young men today have little incentive to commit and to respect the privacy of their female hookups, so they don’t do it. but, this brings up the natural question, which you would see plainly if you didn’t insist on closing your eyes to it: why are you invested in the man who makes you do things you don’t want? these girls just liked posing as that deaf girl calling guys and asking them out on the phone. i think girls need to step up and take responsibility for themselves and develop a healthy level of self respect as well. but still, he should have been able to snag some of the lower ranking women in his community for short term relationships and he wasn’t even able to do that. when these women, who are socialized in such a way, are put in a situation <**********with a boy who they really like********and must say no to unwanted sexual advances, many simply do not have the maturity or wherewithal to say no. it’s insane and immediately you know that girl has been black listed.? when in reality so-and-so is fat, pockmarked, knows it, and stays in the library? so he texted you first, you had a nice back and forth, and now it’s the next day. and if they were able to do that, it would solve a lot of the problems, i think, because guys know how to take advantage of the gray, indecisive areas. if you want a shot at being his girlfriend — and we honestly hope you don’t because this guy sounds like a d*ck — you should ignore his texts and move on. thing i must disagree with an above poster on; guys are also damaged by casual sex, even though such behavior is practically “lauded” by society. you might think that being drunk is the best time to text a guy you’re crushing on because you can always claim that the vodka made you do it but pleaaaaase, he’ll still know that you’re totally consumed by thoughts of him and, like we said, that’s not hot. many women as of now won’t and don’t have to worry about labels as they’ll continue to have casual relations with men.. keep on banging, justify it as << giving back to humanity>>10.’ve said it before but i do always find it funny when people think of virgins on college campuses as being akin to unicorns.“at the end of the night, this girl would be stone cold sober while every guy would be blackout drunk. there was a time when i knew everyone’s name and comment history by heart – i guess i should probably admit it’s beyond me now.@dilithiumis it really beyond women’s capabilities to see beyond the surface of inept delivery to the core of other, good qualities beneath? that it’s virtually impossible to find a man who’ll wait and doesn’t just want sex? i work with a bazillion closeted gay men married to women who probably know the deal and are ok with it. people say a girl can't ‘rape’ a guy, but this is pretty darn close. there anyone other than susan (she’s still more than welcome to try) who can explain to me how women withholding sex, in a system where neither sex is held to any communal standard or constrained by any law, will produce commitment in their partners? i’m sure that the vast majority of those women don’t feel sorry for the “nice guys” who are overlooked by the women who flock to douchey players. but because men tend to be more literal, and not read in between the lines, they hear “intelligence is attractive”, know they are smart guy getting no action, and wonder wtf. some girls just seem to feel like it’s rude or unkind to say no, firmly and decisively. whatever their connection is, it’s pretty clear that sex isn’t part of it, and probably hasn’t been for hmmm, how old is chelsea? girls really had a tough time saying no, they could be coerced into all kinds of dumb things like eating bugs or burning their hair. a couple of drinks and biological programing to be sexually impulsive around highly attractive members of the opposite sex can make fools of us all. instead of: when a famous married man old enough to be your father offers you nothing in exchange for prostituting yourself, decline. still think a lot of these percentages end up very skewered because there is this continued perception that “everyone is doing it. important point on (ii) is, it helps a great deal if you do actually, not just nominally, care about the other person’s feelings; but if you don’t then you probably can’t hide that fact. it’s the same reason that successful societies tend to collapse into decadence. i think the guys going into politics know this, and they marry the one they are “supposed to marry” because they want success more than they want to be with the one they’re sexually attracted to. if he’s giving you mixed signals — telling you he adores you and then disappearing, for example — but you’re still into him, ready to meet up whenever he texts, you’re just someone he’s hooking up with and, as long as you continue letting him take advantage of you, you’ll never be someone he’ll take seriously. notice that the question of the ethics of preserving the reputation of the girls you’ve hooked up with has come up. super-alpha with no morals whatsoever, and a low self-esteem girl wanting to please and the result isn’t pretty. the shocked looks i get from people when i state that i’m a 22 year old virgin tells me this and i know other girls have buckled under that kind of pressure because if everyone else is doing it, why shouldn’t they? i am somewhat acquainted with this girl, and she seems to be a pretty decent person overall. men are not approaching me because it’s not worth their time. do i – i recall your post on man-poaching and have no disagreement with it.’s to prevent someone from falsely claiming they got with so-and-so, and so-and-so was nasty, degraded, and did, x, y, and z, and a rimjob etc. when the guy says “well what did you go out with me for if you’re not going to put out” or something to that effect, or the whole world acts as if there is no such thing as stopping after a few kisses. the 5 referred to here probably thinks she’s about to get a commitment – after all, they’ve hooked up a few weekends in a row, and there doesn’t seem to be another girl on the scene…. don’t know if it’s related either, but i bet a lot of the guys would say it is. it blows my mind to see a member the more affluent, socially aware sex adamantly deny a man’s feelings for her when they’re blatantly obvious. my theory is that it’s a way of avoiding being responsible/having to deliver an awkward rejection. she eagerly joins the ranks of these women, having no idea that he is grossed out by her teeth and on the brink of deleting her number – without any intention to communicate the end of whatever it is they are doing.”is it the sex itself that is so tempting, though–or the “badass cred” in front of their friends? in a situation where the two are in proximity, a woman is more likely to have attraction grow as she discovers other, good qualities. what a man/men expect out commitment is important to whether he is happy with his relationship. are probably a lot less discriminating about why their men are turning monogamous because they have a lot less to lose over it. prefer feministe’s position to the sort of nonsense you see on jerry springer where the wronged wife, babymama or gf rationalizes the guy’s behavior (“that bitch stole my man! there anyone other than susan (she’s still more than welcome to try) who can explain to me how women withholding sex, in a system where neither sex is held to any communal standard or constrained by any law, will produce commitment in their partners? it’s not really that hard of a strategy is it? that his daughter’s wedding was celebrated as an american royal wedding and he got to walk her down the aisle and stand in the happy father/husband spot in the pictures says it all. lest you mistake my intent in writing this post, let me make it clear that i don’t really have a problem with bigearn or any of the commenters. sure, it’s almost impossible to verify if a guy is fibbing or not, but most guys (at least in the circles i move in) are really averse to just making shit up wholesale.”, except that he’s probably just doing it to show off about his purported standards and status.@ reformed tomboy“there is a difference in terms of context when it comes to saying no for women. often this jealousy is born of insensitive behavior on the part of the guy, and has nothing whatsoever to do with the other woman. the line at desperate/compulsive “i wouldn’t want people to see me out with this girl” sex. again – i think it’s because the guys who are in those situations are more likely to have actively placed themselves there. particularly as many guys who would find themselves in a sexual situation are likely the alphas who are actively searching for sex. our ex-prez not only had a bit of a loose mom but also a charming, “traveling salesman” sort of father. but she would take one of the guys back to his place and have sex with him. is it really that difficult to avoid such absolute assholes among men? at the same time, i think it’s fair to warn women that highly promiscuous men are 1) unlikely to commit to a relationship and 2) unlikely to make good relationship material. also agree that the clinton marriage was strategic and hillary appears to have adopted a “just keep it discreet” way of dealing with bill (which he clearly ignored). because then they start talking about the girl they do in fact like that they see as out of their reach (i’m assuming because she won’t jump into bed with them straight off the bat) as though she is on a pedestal and asking me for advice. i’m tempted to make it a post so that no reader misses it. roissy’s definition bears a very close resemblance to what many young women mistake for the best men.@susanthe problem is when we start looking at the “how” and “why” when it comes to men having to adapt and “show up” at all…then we’re right back at all those uncomfortable truths that male commenters often have a hard time delivering sans bitterness and/or judgment. i can write post after post about red flags, and most men will give clues to poor character, or at least their unwillingness to commit. for example, the well-used “i’m sure some other girl will be lucky to have you”, in its many variations, is essentially always bad, ie it may look like some sort of compliment but in reality it always comes across as harsh and cruel. if women have free access to any kind of relationship with anyone they want, with the onus being completely upon them to make any decision at any stage in time, they will act in a way that immediately satisfies their emotional and physical desires. does that mean a woman with low sex rank might as well put out?, talking about how we shouldn’t blame the other woman because it’s our partner who was in the relationship and decided to cheat.@annisome girls just seem to feel like it’s rude or unkind to say no, firmly and decisively. when i say nonexistent, i mean it in this way: they do not talk to women, they do not flirt, they do not smile, they do not say hello. in isolation, no it is not, but if accompanied by a, b, c, x, y, z then intelligence is attractive. they won’t stop until girls suddenly shut those types of guys off from sexual gratification and start demanding to be treated differently. however, i think there are very different contexts and as we were talking about the problem women seem to have with saying no that was what i was addressing. he’d gotten there on time and was entitled to his chair. it’s about having the connection first, and waiting to have sex only after both people are in love. he of course thought i wanted to have sex or make out at least and things went from uncomfertable to borderline serious misunderstanding when it was revealed that i didn’t want any of these things. this was morally wrong, but i still fault the former prez more than monica.*, a cornell university graduate, recalls a girl in her sorority who never drank, but no one really noticed because she always had a good time at mixers and other greek life events. adopting this mentality without becoming bitter or angry at women is a really something to be proud of and will serve you well. perhaps i could introduce you to a man — or two, or three, or ten million — who’s just lived through his 1,000th firm and unmistakable rejection from a woman, and you can explain to him just how hard it is for women to say no. they respect the hell out of their wife, i’m sure, but they can’t have it all in one woman except maybe a lucky few. i don’t know if it’s related, but i had a full-length dress on and my hair was put up. all i can chalk it up to is that guys must think it’s easier to attempt to play the hookup scene rather than try for a relationship.
Single rothenburg ob der tauber,
Is it ok to hook up with a drunk girl cohabitation is not even on the table for much of my readership, they’re in dorms! it’s a lot of effort and who knows when the girl will even be ready to sleep with them. it’s pretty much second nature in fact–especially in big cities like where i live. happy hookup requires a few key ingredients, starting with clear consent and mutual agreement to engage in sexual acts. the reasons why an individual man might want to commit to you are important.“can anyone explain why in the world a man would ever “commit” (modern definition) to a modern girl, who can leave or even cheat on him at any time without a single consequence? i don’t expect you that you convince them that they should hold a door, but i would have expected you to nudge them towards not to slamming it so often. and i realize that guys do this and girls need to know it. because to me, it seems that the latter is pretty much in the same boat with dark game – misleading someone intentionally, and in a way that is probably detrimental to their well-being, in order to get what you want in the smp. would he ever hook up with the girl when he’s sober? she will see his ineptitude as a proxy for his belief that he doesn’t deserve her. when men know that investing emotionally in a girl and courting her with at least some future promise of commitment is the only way to gain sexual access, they’ll start treating girls with more respect(look back into history prior to the sexual revolution and you’ll find copious evidence for this). an attention hungry 21 year old from a broken home gets taken advantage of by the most powerful man in the western world, and those few minutes of her life ruin the rest of it. as the point of this blog is to help girls make better decisions, then i understand the focus on women’s inability to say no.@esau, in relation to women rejecting men…i just wanted to post a quick clarifying comment, even though it’s kind of late. but bitching at women about who we’re attracted to will change exactly nothing. in my view, that is the ideal place for a girl to potentially meet a “decent” guy type who just isn’t after getting laid right away, and it provides a forum where a guy can potentially engage in conversation without getting shot down right away. i would imagine you’d want a straight, fairly honest rejection instead of a platitude that insults your intelligence. i was going to make an excuse because i don’t like to confrontation or being thought of as a bitch, but i am not at all attracted to this person. way, the pastures are only “greener” for a select minority of men so if some women can adjust their “standards” and make “better” choices, there most certainly will be men willing to “commit” (monogamous relationship) for a reliable supply of sex. that’s a really good point – the value of the sex to the subject of this post is low to begin with, seeing as how it’s devoid of emotional connection, and she doesn’t even know how she’s being discussed. men’s standards for hooking up are extremely low, as they will readily admit.’ll hear a guy complain about a girl using him for his bank account but not his body. if being a pricks and offering zero emotional investment continues to get guys laid, then they’ll continue to do it. bill clinton’s marriage was not ml’s responsibility, and his infidelities were well known. do you mean that it’s okay for women to simply refuse to answer that question, or that it’s okay to give a false answer when asked? agree, though i think there are varying degrees of responsibility. so much of what you hear from women—and other guys, unfortunately—on topics like these amounts to having good, decent, likely beta guys assume some responsibility for cleaning up the fallout that emanates from the poor decisionmaking of the women around them. does that mean a woman with low sex rank might as well put out? as a public service, let me re-acquaint you with reality as it stands on planet earth:. i make these posts because i’m sure most of you have been in similar situations and i like to hear what others have to say. exactly do men have to gain out of this supposed promise of “commitment”? do you buy the one with the best commercials and smoothest sales guy like your emotional side says you should buy? so, by november every year, you basically had three choices: 1) restrict yourself exclusively to a girlfriend; 2) travel a half hour to the nearest university town; 3) buy a big bottle of jurgens lotion. but that’s clearly the case with men as well, for instance the guy who’s a doormat wrt to his really hot girlfriend because he wants to make her happy and doesn’t want to lose her. or just that former party girls should get their just desserts? this is the first step toward establishing your value as man independent of the women around you and avoids the pitfalls that some guys (well, a few) fall into when learning game: that increased success with women leads to an increased need of the validation that they can bring.“many women are naturally more attracted to bad boy player alphas and are tempted by the sex with them that they can’t easily say no. in my opinion, women who are average or slightly above average are more successful with men. women like to think that men have it easy, or at least that certain men have it easy; but remember that even pua’s and successful womanizers are still playing against long odds. in denice ann evans’ documentary spitting game she interviews several guys who “rave” about these girls. i was only talking about situations where a girl is already getting to know a guy, dating him, hanging out with him, etc..here’s a good working definition: you’ve treated someone cruelly and/or harshly if (i) they come away feeling very bad, and (ii) you could have delivered the same information in a way that didn’t cause that. for women, it’s not reasonable to think that a jerk with a promiscuous past is going to enjoy monogamy – perhaps ever. i think any guy who has had a harem will tell you flat out that it takes a lot of time and energy, and doesn’t leave a lot leftover for snarking at people online. i recently went on a date with a woman who informed me that during her annual physical she was informed that she had cervical cancer cells in her body, although they had not yet formed a tumor. is it really beyond men’s capabilities to see beyond the surface of physical beauty to the core of other, good qualities beneath? i didn’t wear makeup, didn’t go out shopping or keep up with fashions, and never had tattoos or piercings. the message here is that women need to understand that when they’re hooking up with a guy for kicks, they can’t expect respect, and won’t get it. there anything in the “code” that says you don’t tell that kind of story when it didn’t really happen? but when alcohol gets involved, the lines that constitute clear consent become increasingly blurred as the night wears on and inhibitions wear off. in sex/dating/whatever will treat you with the same respect they “feel like” you give yourself. — i’m heartened that you’re asking this question, and so am chagrined that i might not have much useful to advise (on the other hand, if i did then i’d probably try to charge for it). you're in a relationship, married, dating a cast of characters or just looking around, from time to time you may come up against the drunk hookup. i can honestly say that i wouldn’t have done some things that i have with guys if i had at the time known how to assertively communicate that i didn’t want to do those things. i don’t have to simply take it as given.@brendan – i agree, it does seem to vary based on location, but i still think a lot of these percentages end up very skewered because there is this continued perception that “everyone is doing it. yeah, i think it’s pretty degrading although i’m not a woman so i don’t have much say here. it is truly a venus/mars situation, and women have a lot to learn about life on mars. recent story i heard was about another female athlete on campus and the hookups she had with one of my teammates. they haven’t grasped that porn star and girlfriend are mutually exclusive. when you decide to operate outside of the confines of a relationship, you forfeit many of the more stabilizing qualities they provide. all advice i ever got was “use a condom” and that pushed me into doing it way too early simply because no-one had explained me why i should wait. my generation went to grade school during a time when we were bombarded with campaigns to be inclusive, stop bullying, appreciate multiculturalism, etc. i know, because i’ve been in similar situations as yours. for long-term mating, they prefer sexual inexperience, and seek reassurance that a woman will be satisfied with monogamy. unless she does something completely out of left field(like randomly cheat on him with like 4 or 5 guys one night and embarrass him socially), they will always uphold that respect, even after the relationship ends. some of the “field reports” i’ve read strain credulity based on the looks of the guy writing, in cases where his pic was available. your intimate details(how your naked body looks, how you perform in bed, weird habits you have, grooming details, etc, etc) will be made public, and many guys you don’t even know or like will be fully aware of them. i highlight examples like this because women need to understand how they’re really seen by the men they’re hooking up with. i think it’s worth looking at it from both sides though. obviously not: most girls’ heads would swell to fill a planet were an alpha to propose to them. the more you behave like a strong, independent woman with a full life — one who doesn’t lose herself over a guy she barely knows — the more desirable you’ll be. if you were doing all those things today, you would definitely have a girlfriend, as long as you were targeting the right girl. i’m curious to know if it still works this way in some places – where girls shut down once they get a rep. when she first got with the president she wasn’t fat. of course though they don’t disrespect their significant others who they are officially dating but to all the girls they have hooked up with and had sexual relations with outside of this they are just plain ruthless. they have many of the traits that are attractive/turn women on.” right away it sort of sets the two of you up as equals, in that you’re not acting superior and not using your leverage to preserve a pleasant self-image.’s interesting that you mention the sp feminists – there’s a certain irony in their insisting that women aren’t built to want emotion with sex, even though they’re living it.@grerpthat his daughter’s wedding was celebrated as an american royal wedding and he got to walk her down the aisle and stand in the happy father/husband spot in the pictures says it all. but most of the bashing i hear from girls is that their guy wasn’t a good lover and they didn’t orgasm—but when you’re just hooking up with a girl you don’t care about most guys don’t give a damn whether or not she came. hitt is a southern journalist and he pointed out that the kind of woman bill clinton was attracted to wore a lot of lipstick and “trumpeted her sexuality” a bit like bill’s mother. the woman is indeed probably quite happy with the arrangement, and she will be until he “deletes her number” which he is on the verge of doing.’m in such a situation right now with a co-worker who keeps calling me “sweetie” and “dear”. guess it just shows how little respect is shown in amongst the hooking-up scene – for girls and guys. think women are mroe likely to end up in those situations without realizing what they’re doing because they a) want to be people pleasers and b) want to fit in and c) think it’s expected and d) think it’s the way to get a boyfriend. a four-part series, we’ll explore different facets of the drunken hookup double standard, seeking to expose some preconceived notions that aren’t lining up with what’s really happening in sexual encounters between men and women. little brother goes back on the market, i’d like to nominate a couple of young women to be next in line for courtship. story involved a senior frat brother on my team and an older girl on campus who i don’t know. you don’t have to put up with that shit. when i see them with their families on parent weekends and other events, i see a lot of cohesiveness. this is how guys talk among themselves, and women need to understand it. there may be other ways in which guys have trouble saying no, but i think when it comes to sex, i think it’s decidedly more rare for the woman to be the one pushing for more than the guy is willing to give. if i’m considering a relationship with some girl, and she gave a rimjob to some dude on the football team during a hookup, that’s a piece of information i want to be privy to. they would never sit at a lunch table and gossip about what their girlfriend did with them in bed last night after the party, or talk openly about her flaws/imperfections or anything like that. guys just want to hook up with a girl to brag about it. is a subset of the player 3 category, maybe another category onto itself, and again i’m familiar with this due to my time bouncing and associating with those guys. just could not understand what he was doing with me, since it was obvious to me he would have preferred other women, women that were culturally and ethnically closer to him, but appearantly “his own women” didn’t want him, despite him being quite good looking. but the vibe i’m getting from the replies to esau and some blanket statements from the female posters above makes it seems as if this is a problem that is somehow unique to rougher on women, and that’s just not true. by colleges, girls know how attractive they are and if they are a 5 they ought be suspicious of the captian of the hockey team’s advances. i also know of one couple where the wife kicked the husband out of the house, although he was the sole provider – and took up with the gardener – a woman. and serial cheaters are very good at preying on the young and stupid, getting hopes up and even lying as to their marital status to get what they want.” i’m not sure why that is, and it goes from simple things, like declining an offer to hang out when it’s finals time all the way to hooking up with a guy. there are many reasons a man would be interested in one, for example he’s seen it work well for his parents, or he’s tried the short term thing and doesn’t like it. either (a) there’s been some sort of generational/plate tectonic change, so that young men today aren’t willing/able to put in the same work in approaching women that we did back then, or (b) nice guys are actually approaching you all the time, but you simply deem them unacceptably unattractive immediately — as happened to me and my friends twenty years ago — and don’t register the fact that they even tried. i often think most women who are “conquests” of “player” types must be absolutely clueless about how they get discussed with “his boyz” later. i don’t know what you do for a living, but you have a very creative sensibility. in late in the game here but…being a girl who has been privy to a lot of guy talk i can vouch for the fact that guys will gossip as much as girls about who they’ve slept with and who is willing to do what.’m going to stress again for anyone reading this exchange that the idea that this is the fault of some small cabal of men is a massive misdirection on the part of women who want absolutely no responsibilities on their shoulders at all. it’s hard to tell if they are saying “it’s manipulative” in order to manipulate and they would really tell their sisters to wait and tell the guy to cool his jets or get lost, with confidence. for short-term mating, they prefer women with a high sex drive and a high degree of sexual experience. when men know that investing emotionally in a girl and courting her with at least some future promise of commitment is the only way to gain sexual access, they’ll start treating girls with more respect(look back into history prior to the sexual revolution and you’ll find copious evidence for this).) but in reality, if he didn’t feel a connection to her before, he is more likely to view her as not in the relationship zone. is a type 1 player (you can tell from the nickname), but is becoming uncomfortable with his behavior. and incredulous that it’s in a college girl’s repertoire.: some girls just seem to feel like it’s rude or unkind to say no, firmly and decisively …. you need to commit only to a man who thinks you are “the prize”.’m not insecure but i do get some self-satisfaction out of trying to work new girls, but then again who doesn’t?“is it really beyond women’s capabilities to see beyond the surface of inept delivery to the core of other, good qualities beneath? in addition, recent research shows that both women and men disrespect men who are highly promiscuous. must be a combination of immaturity, alcohol and the lure of an attractive man who has the confidence to approach you. reasons for why a man wants to commit (my definition) are not important to me as long as he is ready to do so. “regular girls” have no trouble at all being disagreeable to unattractive men, so your statement is only true with regard to men that are attractive and/or in whom the girl is invested. is a mentality that everyone, everywhere – short of the super ugly or the super religious – are having sex. women really are inclined to be people pleasers – it’s in our nature, and it’s strongly reinforced in the culture.
8 Ways To Get Downgraded From Potential Girlfriend To Hookup
,You asked how women can avoid men like the hockey player when they often hide their true asshole-ness from girls with whom they are trying to score. so many random people demeans the physical act of making love in an intimate relationship, basically cheapening it to not much more than “just another penis or vagina.@sasha it’s not a madonna/whore complex… that implies that women are viewed as sexual or relationship worthy… essentially one or the other. “i didn’t like my last job” generates different what’s than “i have always wanted to work for a startup” similarly when it comes to “commitment”, the why of “i’ve tried the short term thing and didn’t like it”, will consist of very different what’s than for “i cherish what my parents have. let me specifically address this statement here: “it will save lots of women from heartache. of the most commonly held positions i find on the web is that women lack free will. is this true of the “player” types but not of the nice guys, and the nice guys aren’t getting a look in with women who want to reserve sex for a long-term relationship? i usually end it then and there if i feel like it’s not going anywhere. i don’t even know how to advise women to guard against such a man – with his skill, and absence of conscience or empathy, he will play a woman hard before she even knows what hit her. if the guy leaves for greener pastures then the girl knows he wasn’t in love with her, which is okay. the fact that they don’t say no to alpha assholes even though it could be hazardous for them not to is meaningful in that context.@dalrocki think the thing which irks me the most about the sexual revolution is how many people want to freely switch between standards of morality depending on what currently suits them best at the time.”i still don’t believe waiting to weed out the ones who can take me or leave me, is “manipulative. women are experts, grand masters, black belts in saying “no”, with thousands of hours of flight training under their belts (no pun intended). but also similar when it comes to committed relationships – as we all become very tight lipped with the intimate details when we are dating a guy seriously or official with him. they get perplexed, confused and in most cases turned off, and very soon after i’ll hear another story involving them and a hookup with some guy who could care less about them as human beings but is content to just get his rocks off. these days, alphas can just tell it like it is, and it’s often just incredible. way to avoid is to be a relationship only girl who doesn’t put out quickly. my goal is to suggest effective strategies in a variety of challenging situations. the whole purpose of this blog is to aid young women in making choices that lead to a man committing to them. women should understand this, as it affects the size of their potential pool of mates. rejection is the very air we breathe, it is the sea in which we swim. it’s hard to render posts readable because everything turns into a block. she is quite critical of feminism, but it was a guy explaining his view of the power that men have to select women with low sexual experience. it isn’t just the hypocrisy of it, but the damage it does to all parties involved. as a male, i don’t see much that’s wrong with the male complaining about his “5. you should know about the it's on us week of action.” i strongly believe that it’s best for men and women to save the act of sex for when love and genuine connection and commitment exist. hell, i even know a loner physics major who doesn’t shower who has a girlfriend.@dalrocki’m not saying that “oh well, this is how it is for women so men should be nicer.’m totally with you on the ridiculous standards dudes online are holding. point is that the inability to say no to attractive people isn’t unique to women.’s just been a huge change in the last few years with fellow women saying to wait is “manipulative. it isn’t just the hypocrisy of it, but the damage it does to all parties involved. it is not plausible, much less reasonable, to ask women to see beyond poor and inept delivery. people who have no emotional investment in you beyond getting their rocks off won’t care about your feelings, your right to privacy, your social standing and your sensitivity. it’s not bad, or good, that men view sexual partners this way. sort of the like the honor system when it comes to not cheating in b-school or at university. eventually, he’ll be so into you that he’ll initiate the conversation. when studies control for these facts, it has been established that women actually make 101 percent of what men do.-i will also say that i will not white-knight or play nice guy for these kind of women. we all have a choice about that, and writing “women have a hard time saying no”, in its many variations, is an utter failure to recognize reality for which you should all hang your heads in shame. less girls at our parties and a harder time getting laid. there are very few mainstream american women who make it to the age of 21 having had only 1 sexual partner. he was very lovely to her face you know saying all the right things, introduced us all to her, had her arm around her etc (i was even under the impression that they were boyfriend and girlfriend) – although as soon as she left he started with the all the charming disrespectful facts about her. that’s why i said it’s terrible luck to be targeted by one of these guys – there’s very little one can do to defend oneself.” later on they’ll re-iterate that they know i’m not that type of girl in the sober light of day. laughing my ass off at the idea of raising a passel of little 5s. and no, i haven’t reclaimed the word “bitch” and given it a new post-modern, empowering meaning and therefore i would not like to be viewed as one. there’s a decent chance he’ll come to his senses and chase you or, at the very least, he’ll move on to his next hookup so you can meet a decent guy. but when a girl enters into that agreement, she opens herself up to public ridicule amongst many of her hookup’s friends, and that information will spread quickly. how anyone can type the contrary without having their very keyboard burst into flames is beyond me. fact of the matter, human nature being what it is, most people simply are not motivated to try and rise to the challenge of improving their life. i’ve written about social proof numerous times, and men seek it as well. i was in college there was a cute girl on a sports team who was deaf and had a speech impediment. (note, you don’t have any moral obligation, i don’t think, to accept pain following an interaction that was purely initiated by someone else; but, it can still be the right thing to do. we can act horrified by players, but they’re getting considerable positive reinforcement from the women they play. as a male, i don’t see much that’s wrong with the male complaining about his “5. i’m here to help, here’s a start: prioritize honesty and decency over charm, popularity and social proof. and yet it doesn’t stop their daughters from ending up miserable filthy cumrags. they really mean is something like a vague understanding between the man and the girl that their ‘relationship’ is monogamous, and perhaps cohabitation. i think what they’re really saying is, “i know i could never have her, but it doesn’t matter because i don’t want her anyway.” no, what i’m saying, on the contrary, is that women have a problem saying “no” to situations/people that they would avoid normally and it needs to be remedied. think both want the family life and are genuinely happy with that aspect.?“i think one part of the problem is that a lot of girls i see simply don’t know how to say “no. he went on and on about it, saying “yeah , i met her, we hooked up a few times, i called her and she was available so whatever” etc, etc. men also find it difficult to say no to hot women, while have no problems completely shutting down the cigstaches of the world. you yourself said, “incentives drive behavior”, yet it is not only women that offer incentives, it is also the guys you rack with and play along side. be honest, your description goes beyond anything i would have expected, which just makes it all the more important. women seem to believe that if they can be as good as a porn star, a guy will fall for them, or at least keep them around indefinitely. as i understand it if a tumor were to grow she would have to have her cervix removed and wouldn’t be able to have children..solipsism at its very zenith; take a look around, as the view doesn’t get any better than this. tired of happiness passing me by and pity comments from friends and family. it’s terribly lonely not even being kissed, hugged, or acknowledged as female. many women are just not able to say, “it doesn’t matter what this awesome guy thinks about me when i refuse to hook up with him tonight. but the girls who want relationships are looking for guys like what you were in college. often times, these stories involve girls they’ve recently hooked up with. i don’t know what you do for a living, but you have a very creative sensibility. with perhaps a few gifted exceptions, men eat, drink and sleep rejection. it’s not anyone’s job (save campus police), but most of us have done plenty of it. call it the romantic in me or something, but i think this kind of connection transcends sex or physical contact. i realize that many girls may unfairly reject guys with perfectly good intentions when they’re asked out on a date or asked to hang out. used to think “facials” were degrading and a strictly guy-fantasy, but girls are requesting them these days so i guess not. often guys get hypercritical of a woman’s looks, even if she’s probably out of their league. right now, i just want to make one point without distractions: the “good guys don’t show up” canard is wrong, and i don’t want to keep hearing it. cases like the one given by heather, the girl gets away with this kind of sexual behavior. if you really were flirting and talking and smiling and saying hello, any girl at my school now would love to be with you. btw i think men do this too, especially in fwb situations. and (ii) does it result in the other person still preserving some self-respect? many complain about the reductionist nature of the alpha/beta divide here- this only perpetuates it. fact, despite my being an evangelical christian and social conservative, i find myself cheering on the players. most students i knew were busy with organizations or homework. personally why a man is prepared for monogamy and caring about the reasons men should foster a monogamous attitude in the current culture are two different things. we may still see them happily reunited with the staff at 1600. so this requires the girl in this environment to not ljbf the guy right away, and at some point send some clear signals that maybe more is possible., i’ve had leadership positions in a couple of clubs – yearbook and a cultural affinity group – and i’ve participated in other clubs as well. for my daughter however i’ll point out that plenty of other women are capable of looking past poor initial delivery to find high quality guys.@athlonethey won’t stop until girls suddenly shut those types of guys off from sexual gratification and start demanding to be treated differently. but you raise a good question about locker room talk – there must be some exaggerating that goes on – it’s endemic to storytelling. it is not plausible, much less reasonable, to ask women to see beyond poor and inept delivery. i don’t even know how to advise women to guard against such a man – with his skill, and absence of conscience or empathy, he will play a woman hard before she even knows what hit her. for what things my husband gains: i love him, i want to and try to make him happy, give him daily backrubs, cook for him, make his breakfast, pack his lunch, clean the place, do the laundry, help bring home the paycheck, manage the bills, play video games with him, support him emotionally, listen to his venting about stress and life, talk with him about silly things and serious things, and of course give him lots of fun in the bedroom. all you accomplish is showing him that you’re obsessing about him and that makes you way less attractive, turning you into a hookup option instead of someone he sees as a girlfriend. if you’re already in certain situations and you’ve started to feel some sort of connection and you’re desperate for that male validation you will likely have a harder time saying no., that’s basically what i see happens around me in stable middle class enclaves, which may not be entirely representative of all of modern market dynamics, but it certainly happens with enough frequency to dispel total cynicism. well i think most of the girls doing most of the hooking up and 7s (pretty) 6’s (cute) and 5s (plain; kinda cute), who can basically only get solid alphas or lesser alphas by hooking up with them. men basically have four reasons we do it… three of them good and one bad. it’s an attempt to rationalize why these men aren’t on your radars, and it’d make perfect sense if it wasn’t completely false 😉. many women fail to realize is that being “chosen” by a guy for the purpose of hooking up says little about her worth, or her attractiveness relative to her peers, even in his eyes. we’re not saying he’s not being insensitive — he is — but, at this point, the only healthy/appropriate reaction is to ignore him and continue acting like the hot, single woman you are.”it’s something i never thought about before until i had a quite good looking and charming boyfriend who hinted this at me. for every dollar is not an average, it is an aggregate. they are popular without being truly cool, and sexy without being truly appealing. of: when a famous married man old enough to be your father offers you nothing in exchange for prostituting yourself, decline. i don’t know if it’s related, but i had a full-length dress on and my hair was put up. and in order to find it, you sometimes have to swallow your pride, put yourself out there, and take some scary risks. i do urge you to be more than a journalist about the situation though i. to me commitment means marriage (that is, a boyfriend-girlfriend type relationship that is likely to end in marriage). if you continue not exercising restraint, you’ll just make it impossible for him to miss you and feel appreciation for you. i need to see objective evidence that it’s true before i believe it. i’m not saying she shouldn’t be anger with a. however, as you say, a guy who is treating you like a girlfriend, clearly and unashamedly demonstrating his continued interest, is probably a good bet. time you feel bitter about the current environment, remember that there are plenty of girls who feel the same way.@reformed tomboy, i merely stated that, "there are very few mainstream american women who make it to the age of 21 having had only 1 sexual partner. trick is to be in the girlfreind zone and not the pump and dump zone. it’s the same principle with the “intelligence is attractive” meme.
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The Drunken Hookup Double Standard | Her Campus”that’s fine, but the men that women will turn down are still the type who know how little value any individual girl has to him. let’s see, i am single, haven’t gone out on dates, have lived without male attention. if he is willing to be seen with her at the cafeteria, football game, movies with his buddies as an pre-arranged date then he is views her as more than a conquest to humiliate. i can’t guarantee what’s happening among young people today, but i am certain that “good guys don’t show up” was categorically wrong — let me make that categorically wrong — when i was that age. sure, they are phrased in rough guy humor, but most of them boils down to “if you’re both ok with it, go ahead”, with the implication that if he’s driving the girls to tears he should back off. wish someone had told me instead, “sex is something you might want to wait with because of x, y and z. and it’s also why very few happy couplings originate in bars – for obvious reasons, the men who avoid commitment excel in those settings. women would benefit from not having sex until they have learnt to say “no”, otherwise they may get pushed into things they really don’t want to do. i don’t expect you that you convince them that they should hold a door, but i would have expected you to nudge them towards not to slamming it so often. i haven’t even morally judged men who have lots of sex with different women”and why not?’m not saying it makes sense, but that’s the prevailing attitude where i come from. they get to college after probably having had few to no girlfriend in high school, and basically non-existant interaction with the opposite sex. can speak from experience that being in a committed relationships with guys who love you is very much protective against rumors and degredations of this kind. i especially appreciate your taking the time to share it with us when i know you are incredibly busy with football. this is expected of girls, and just as boys are penalized for rough and tumble behavior in school, girls are penalized if they are not nurturing and inclusive as children. the only men i had trouble rejecting were the ones who professed to me that they were in love with me and would be devastated if i rejected them… so i often did not. that’s how i’ve approached dating so far in my life, and i’ve learned through many approaches and failures that this is not the approach girls today respond to. i suggest they switch to a better brand of tinfoil in their hats. she’s a 5 the solution is to find a male 5 that she gets on well with and live happily ever after and raise a whole mess of little 5’s together. it annoys the bejeezus out of me yet i’m refraining from telling him as much because i don’t want to be perceived as a “bitch”. you’re doing it again, making a general statement about the way girls and women feel and act, which is in general not true. basically, as soon as a freshman girl had hooked up with anything more than 2 guys, there were stories out about her and, feeling chastened, she’d close down. are very few mainstream american women who make it to the age of 21 having had only 1 sexual partner. her performance in bed is definitely solid but i think i need to just delete her number. as i also confirmed at a recent wedding, little has changed about the hookup culture. i have very beta guy friends who did exactly all that you said and have had girlfriends. sure, both parties may know it’s a part of the game, but it torpedoes the idea that all good men need to do is step up and talk/ask women out more. the vast majority of people, being “in love” is a very rare thing. they know they can’t marry the type they are attracted to…a gennifer flowers or a rielle hunter, and make it in politics. winding up in the crosshairs of such a guy is terrible luck – it’s almost like having a hurricane sweep through your life. as you say, she’s idolizing him, and he’s not doing the same thing with her. course, that’s easy for me to say, never having had either that sexual history or a partner demanding that information. i’m just saying if a baby drops a rattle, then you pick it up rather than step over it… or worse… on it.“plenty of women can attest to how much pressure there is on regular girls to be agreeable and noncontroversial”. when that girl’s name finally finishes making the rounds, she will be blacklisted as nothing more than a last resort beer-goggle piece of tail. who withhold sex for some time in a relationship (okay, i admit i’m not one of them): is it really hard these days to find a man who’s willing to wait for you? is he thinking or seeing clearly when he’s drunk? don’t really see a problem with anything the guy who asked the question did either. spend plenty of time around the sons and daughters of the people who pretty much run this country(despite not actually being one of them myself).“i’ve seen threads where guys say they wouldn’t even consider having sex with megan fox..Actually, i wouldn’t be surprised if it’s the other way around..so, ladies, get it straight: being rejected is the norm for male life, and rejecting is the norm for women’s behavior. they’d fill in the squares with the name of the girl. anytime after that makes him feel lucky to be with you. i can’t prove it either way, but certainly (b) is at least as credible as (a) from where i sit. many alpha types are openly disinterested in the girls who flirt with them the most.”and jt, you might want to take your job grievances up a bit higher than the masses of women doing clerical and mundane jobs. they come to think they’re above the need for the petty morality of the little people. as i’ve posted in the past (years ago) my one real relationship was a complete disaster and i ended up heartbroken and after that hurt finally went away i guess i’m just a lot wiser and somewhat jaded when it comes to females. i was about to add in response to seeds of life that some of us actually make it past 21 with no sexual partners. that’s definitely not the whole story, and you know it. however, if he asked two years in, and i knew or suspected that he would find my number alarming enough to end the relationship, i think i would refuse to give an exact number, though i would admit to having had casual sex in college. there are guys that enjoy/get off on the power trip of seeing just how far they take a girl in terms of sexual degradation. and besides isn’t it a lot more fun to get a “dime” to secretly toss your salad, than brag about some “nickel” you turned out. what’s the definition of “commitment” to a modern girl (incl. again and again and again……this is proof positive that nobody should ever try to even hook up with people who frequently participate in the bar and party scene or even any scene lending itself easy to alcohol (which is the most frequent venue of origin of such sexual activities). girls need to decide which one they want to be and act accordingly, because men follow your lead. is it really beyond women’s capabilities to see beyond the surface of inept delivery to the core of other, good qualities beneath?, a man, as you described, who thinks any individual woman has very little value to him should not be in a relationship and would not want to be in a relationship to begin with. but it’s telling to me that big brother doesn’t know if she has or she hasn’t. but pretending to be an overly nice girl who doesn’t have any opinions or preferences is a surefire way to kill chemistry.” or “if you think i’m sweet, i’m doing something wrong. so, you make up some lame excuse to reach out, craft a text that you (naively) think doesn’t reveal the fact that you’ve been thinking about him every waking second, and hit send. i’m really enjoying blogging because it gives me the creative outlet. writing or advising them to do the contrary is a waste of time. guys are not going to think that hooking up is the way to get a girlfriend. but the blanket statements on this forum (ie, “women really are inclined to be people pleasers – it’s in our nature, and it’s strongly reinforced in the culture. if this woman, or any other woman, wants to avoid this fate then the answer is simple: don’t lie down with an asshole in the first place. did a bit of researching on cervical cancer and discovered that the vast majority, if not all, of the instances of cervical cancer are caused by human papillomavirus (hpv), which is an std that a lot of sexually active people don’t know much about. given the realities of the male drive, it is pretty much inevitable that large majority of their advances will be rejected by women, and there’s nothing bad or evil about that fact in itself.” further, all his buddies who were with him know it too. if you want to be his girlfriend and not just a girl he hooks up with, continue focusing on your life, behaving like a girl who respects herself, being cool and doing you. however as a guy i actually have been legitimately oblivious at times because i admittedly suck at picking up on subtle hints. when i say “prioritize” i mean exactly that, put first things first. it’s in our best interests to be selective, which means rejecting nearly all requests for sex that we’ll receive in our lifetimes. the second hoop is to find a man who has expectations of monogomy that mesh well with mine.“women would benefit from not having sex until they have learnt to say “no”, otherwise they may get pushed into things they really don’t want to do. can’t guarantee what’s happening among young people today, but i am certain that “good guys don’t show up” was categorically wrong — let me make that categorically wrong — when i was that age. i’m pretty sure he just asked her to drive home her humiliation…and he knew what a fucking incredible, barely believable story it would be. let’s see, i am single, haven’t gone out on dates, have lived without male attention. if you think women are the ones with all the options, i think you might be underestimating the number of women who are not at all interested in casual sex. my about page: 12% of women say that it is sometimes easier to have sex with a guy they don’t know than to make conversation. went to a private university that was an ivy league wanna-be, where the kids were self-conscious about not getting into a real ivy, but the school was still ranked in the top 15. i’m not a fan of the term, cause it’s an amanda marcotte favorite (and thus without a female compliment) but it seems accurate in this case. a woman only has sex to offer of course the guy is gonna leave as she “withholds” her best asset. i prefer to date them traditionally, i like to treat them like people, and if they have a father/older relative around i’ll probably ask for their permission to do the courting. all of these women knew better, but weren’t thinking with their heads. without outright stating that she’s too ugly for a relationship that’s about as clear as he can be. funnily enough, i never crushed too hard on those varsity blues-type athletes. the last option will probably be difficult without settling for a woman a few points below him in smv. see, little brother is the real deal: a good kid. saying all this i know personally with my group of girlfriends we can be rather ruthless and share intimate details about guys we’ve hooked up with in rather derogatory ways too. for example, if a girl blows off a guy’s advance with a transparently lame excuse, ie “no, i have to wash my hair that night”, you might not consider this “cruel and harsh” but i certainly would. if you both understand this is drunken weekend happy time and you’re not involved…. gist of it was, many men who are going into politics know there is a kind of woman they are “supposed to marry” in order to make it in politics. because i haven’t been in a committed relationship where i trusted the guy enough to give up the big v-card. combine super-alpha with no morals whatsoever, and a low self-esteem girl wanting to please and the result isn’t pretty. if texting a guy who’s not texting you is a 7 on a 1-10 scale of sh*t you shouldn’t do, drunk texting is a 9., lately i have been hooking up with this girl whose probably like a 5. are very few mainstream american women who make it to the age of 21 having had only 1 sexual partner. the trick is to be in the girlfreind zone and not the pump and dump zone. it is not flattering to simply be recognized for your vagina. honestly, these stories give me some new found respect for the girls who avoid hooking up. and i are in the minority presuming that [women] actually have the ability to make their own choices. poaching, or luring, someone – that is, setting out to seduce them is quite different than being a target of seduction by a person with a lot more authority, e. that’s hard for college women for the reason that making that choice often means sitting it out without much male attention for four years. as you put it, we did give women the chance to go out with us, but vanishingly few took us up on it. so, for whatever strategy you might come up with for a better way to reject someone, you can test it with these two questions: (i) does it involve me taking on at least some blame/pain/discomfort? i haven’t had a gf in years but i like to think that i consistently hook up with 7s or so on a pretty regular basis. the male kicks in with anti-slut defense – well after sexual attraction has already been established. deuce: “actually, i wouldn’t be surprised if it’s the other way around. why aren’t they talking to me and giving me the option of going out with them? being a doormat is not interesting and it’ll probably make him see you as just a body and not someone he wants to have a relationship with. there was no obnoxious behavior that the deaf girl did that made it a revenge thing or anything.“i’m not going to cushion their falls or be “the nice guy” who chastises the dudes they sleep with. my opinion, athlone, the mentality you adopt here is important—probably even more than learning how to game women. if you believe it is, then you’re equating that information with, say, std test results. ivy-league elites tend to be ultra socially liberal, and to not bother instilling their children with even basic character or moral awareness. this is one reason i don’t argue with the definition of alpha on my blog. women are just not able to say, “it doesn’t matter what this awesome guy thinks about me when i refuse to hook up with him tonight. you will be a piece of ass, good only for hanging out with in frat basements and only worth paying attention to when the party is over and he is horny. her denial that hookup culture exists, her refusal to acknowledge what sluthood does to women, her belief that the sexual double standard should be eradicated via indoctrination all had me shaking my head.@kenny powersi think a lot of girls assume that they’re in group 2 when they’re really in group 1. and whatever they do in private i don’t know and it’s not my business. of times a young woman is given a choice to either go farther than she wants to with a guy or to lose the guy’s attention. it’s more like looking at a car accident – we acknowledge the tragedy, have a hard time looking away, and see if we can learn something from these women making incredibly poor choices.
Girls Kissing Girls | Psychology Today most young girls today don’t seem to want respect, and when they get it they don’t know what to do with it. because having casual sex does not have that much of a stigma anymore and girls are told it’s okay to follow your hormones because there are supposedly no consequences to doing so. maybe i’ll quit fighting it and join the crowd. i have a bevy of objective evidence to support my case; if you have any to support yours, let’s hear it. indeed, the women who comment here deserve credit for earnestly trying to understand their own behavior as well as the behavior of the guys around them. if you don’t want to take it on, don’t. know with near complete certainty that had i approached the girl in the rimjob story respectfully i would have gotten shot down(or she would have run off to go down on the guy soon after i dropped her off from our date). i can’t tell you for sure what other girls are thinking. it’s one thing to spout off on the internet, but it’s another to tell it to an entire locker room., i was actually thinking of marcotte when writing this post. neither of these facts were or could be hidden from her. i am lucky that i found it with my husband. being with him for a while i realized he had some “issues” that would turn some women off. it is also obvious that bigearn has not mastered sexual inertia yet. do however think that it can be a harder problem for women – largely in that women are more likely to regret those split second decisions more so than a man will. it really should not be hard for people who share similar interests and hobbies to meet. dalrock’s latest post is pure brilliance, don’t miss it., the basic character values and morality are present in spades here. illegitimacy, for example, is damn near unheard of in most of their backgrounds, and when they leave they seem more apt to marry and begin that same cycle again than others are. again, i think it just speaks to the fact that the average woman basically has no conception whatsoever of the dating/sex reality of the 0-75% percentile of guys. if i’m considering a relationship with some girl, and she gave a rimjob to some dude on the football team during a hookup, that’s a piece of information i want to be privy to. i will agree for both sexes though that when committed, mutually respectful relationships are involved the talk for dirty, intimate secrets are slim to none. 🙂it occurs to me that the sp feminists who love you so much, susan, and the guy commenters here and elsewhere who firmly believe that, since guys would (apparently) be happy knowing that someone out there would be willing to have casual sex with them means that women, by definition, have it better, sort of make the same argument:guys value and aren’t (apparently) damaged by casual sex. sooner or later he’ll tire of banging hos and will seek out a nice girl.. if she’s a 5 then i bet 90% of us would hit itbigearn responds:eh, i clearly said this one wasn’t hot and i bang 7s or so, not claiming to be tagging supermodels here. with rare exceptions, they don’t need to, and they’d rather commit once they feel assured that the sex is going to be really good. it’s safer for me to just ignore girls i like(and most of the others to) than to actually try and court them. you definitely don’t want to be yelling at him, and i don’t think any of this is grounds to get him fired. think it’s two separate sorts of male disgust at work here. since trying to “reform” myself from the hook-up scene i’ve ended up at many parties with my guy acquaintances / male friends and the stories they have shared with me have blown my mind with disgust. until you can admit that, and address it, the rest is just a distraction. you are in masculine, competitive atmosphere so you need to be careful about how you get your point across. you may have trouble understanding this as a man but i’m sure plenty of women can attest to how much pressure there is on regular girls to be agreeable and noncontroversial and this can have some fairly terrible consequences, not just where men are concerned but in myriad other ways as well. i don’t give a pass to women who sleep with married men, happily married or not. one guy described how his frat had a special name for girls who had had sex with at least three brothers: toasters.“i think women are more likely to end up in those situations without realizing what they’re doing because they a) want to be people pleasers and b) want to fit in and c) think it’s expected and d) think it’s the way to get a boyfriend. i’ve done some rather outlandish things in relationships, but the guys all still respected me because they knew that i’m “not that kind of girl” — that is, i wouldn’t do anything without love. if he is scoring 7’s regularly, he should be asking why he is so often without options, save his tall, skinny safety net. they might enjoy screwing girls who quickly hook up with them and they will do so often just to get their jollies off. i can’t say that there was an over socializing of this in my life, however, the message is loud and clear now that a woman with well-articulated opinions, preferences and boundaries is a “bitch”. sociologists believe that this event actually had a profound effect on that generation, and have dubbed it the lewinsky effect. to be honest, i know of very little drama among married couples in my own social circle. true, having companionship from a pretty lady boosts the man’s pride, as it should. there’s now no chance that this woman will lure a guy into a relationship, which benefits women who are not performing such acts. it seems to have more to do with class, background and upbringing.’m not proud of this but i think it goes to show that females can be just as nasty as males when it comes to showing disrespect for “slutty” behaviour.@esauwhat is bad and evil, imo, is not recognizing reality for what it is, and instead indulging in ludicrous, self-serving fantasies about how accommodating, un-hurtful and eager to please women are. for him to treat her like a girlfreind before doing the deed. so if you’re out with a bunch of people, including the guy you just hooked up with, and he’s not really paying attention to you, don’t freak out on him — he’s not your boyfriend and you have no basis for complaining. — i think this post, and the comments, demonstrate really well why even though it’s true that most women can find someone to have sex with (unlike some percentage of men out there) it’s really not the great thing many guys seem to imagine it would be. 75% of new genital herpes infections on college campuses were transmitted via oral sex. cheating is grounds for ending the relationship, regardless of who does it. he talked about how he hooked up with her(the way he described her was nothing more than how one would describe some sort of sex toy, just a tool really). the woman who scowls and turns her head when you look at her, the woman who refuses to smile back, the woman crosses her arms and looks bored when you open your mouth to talk to her — and, if you get over all those hurdles, the vast majority of the time a man’s reward is simply to hear that, no, the woman is not interested in hanging out later, or any time this century. i’m going to add a point that i think girls can be just as ruthless with the way we disrespect guys we’ve hooked-up with casually too.. girls should be realistic about who they can land and date below their station if they can’t find a suitable guy rather than get used by the alphas. while i don’t believe anything is wrong with having sex per se, this could be one argument for women delaying sexual activity until later in life. guys you like and may want to date later will know to, and if they find out you gave their buddy a hasty rimjob it will color their perception of you. can anyone explain why in the world a man would ever “commit” (modern definition) to a modern girl, who can leave or even cheat on him at any time without a single consequence? then there is the kind of woman they are sexually attracted to, who wouldn’t be a good political wife. however, i do not condone pretending your number is 7 when it’s 37, and i would not do it myself, or recommend that any woman actively misrepresent her history. i know you’ve done some babysitting before, and i know you have been baby sat. i’ll agree with the former, but am not sure what strategy you’re recommending to address it, other than “start being attracted to different men. you’re right that a lot of people really like complaining but don’t do much about it. if you arent trying to marry the girl and she knows that then who gives a fuck? you tend to define it as a problem for women, and one that they can solve. when these women, who are socialized in such a way, are put in a situation with a boy who they really like and must say no to unwanted sexual advances, many simply do not have the maturity or wherewithal to say no. it’s about informing women about what created hookup culture, how to cope with it strategically, and how to potentially succeed against the odds..no matter how you slice it, it always comes back to the same inconvenient fact: if you, a woman, have choice (as most women do) and picked a bad man when better men were available (as they certainly are), then whatever bad behavior you’re suffering is largely self-inflicted.@susan, “it means that by and large, there is a sexual double standard that is biologically driven. but to reframe the argument, if my son got busted for using drugs, i’d be angry and disappointed in him and i’d also be angry and disappointed at the drug dealer who made the drugs so easily available (and very likely at the society that says out of one side of its mouth that drugs are no big deal and out of the other repudiates them and puts people in prison for years for dealing or using them). if she’d stayed like that, sure lots of conservative values people would be down on her but she’d also have a considerable chorus of “you go girl” supporters. i think any guy who has had a harem will tell you flat out that it takes a lot of time and energy, and doesn’t leave a lot leftover for snarking at people online. it sounds like a win-win situation to me; he leaves, and the woman who wants a relationship gets it from a man who also wants the relationship. intrasexual female competition prevails, though, and women do use it to justify excusing rejection by men. i also said that if a man couldn’t live with that, let the chips fall where they may.@athol: yeah, and this is at an ivy where girls are relatively more reserved and the partying is much more restrained. they’d heard it before i could hit the power button. from what i see from my teammates, only their closest friends(4 or 5 members of their “clique” who talk regularly and often) will know anything, and those guys won’t spread it around much either. at times, though, the girls are just objects of ridicule and disgust. story regarding this girl, btw, was told to the entire football team assembled in the meeting room. i also said that if a man couldn’t live with that, let the chips fall where they may.. if we think of hypergamy as an evolved strategy to choose the best possible mate, then certainly some women can override that impulse to adopt a strategy more suitable to mating in the 21st c. say women are not attracted to monogamous men, but why do i know so many women who are monogamous and who are with monogamous men? i guess it doesn’t include keeping secrets, but at least women are held accountable for real behaviors, not made up ones. just changed its rape laws so 'no' actually means no. i’m in an ltr so i didn’t bite, but you can see how modern interactions can set up some extremely high expectations. i can guarantee that the woman referenced in this post probably thinks things are going great with this guy. you might think this a contrived example, but i believe that most rejections by women have this same essential element: even if it’s couched in nominally soft or neutral language — in many cases, overly polite language is effectively even more insulting and offensive — the message gets across that she has no more regard for him than a bug. further claim that “players” (i’m assuming you mean largely game practitioners) are getting sex via deceit is hilarious – is this the same susan walsh who thought a man should be snared into commitment by lying about your partner count? i’ve seen threads where guys say they wouldn’t even consider having sex with megan fox. remember, my exact claim is not that women aren’t socialized to be nice; it’s that said socialization doesn’t go very far, since it doesn’t result in women being nice to unattractive men. in many schools, a girl with a reputation for hooking up winds up being torn between any negative attention she may get from some guys and other girls, and the positive sexual validation she receives from guys who will happily target a promiscuous girl. i might make an analogy, it is not unlike buying a new car. i would not have said that i had slept with 36 men. it’s up to the listeners to figure it out. hell, most girls have a chorus of friends who’ll cheer if she leaves her partner, no matter how sudden. it’s other women saying it’s “manipulative” to hold out for a commitment. these men would fit the extreme player iii profile – sociopathic. i said repeately – and no doubt others on here said the same thing throughout this blog’s history – you’d do better to simply meet people who share common “high level” interests, hobbies, and activities. i call it “boys club” as when the boys get together they are just that “the boys”. in fact, whose to say that a guy doesn’t make the whole thing up, with little regard for the girl’s reputation? of course she can entrap something higher than a 5 early on with a pregnancy or something.″i actually didn’t make a value judgment about his question – i simply presented it as a real look at how men think about their sexual partners. the odd time i’ve ended up making out with a guy while drunk i stop early on and make a point of laying out the boundaries and none of those guys have pushed for more and in fact they’ve always said something to the extent of “i know – you’re not that type of girl., i think it takes a pretty strong will to tell a guy you really like that although you’re fine with doing x, you will not do y. it’s mixed company, we’re all civil most of the time, and there’s no need for snide commentary. but if a sober girl hooks up with a drunk guy, then what? i don’t even know how to advise women to guard against such a man – with his skill, and absence of conscience or empathy, he will play a woman hard before she even knows what hit her. trying to commit and be respectful continues to get guys rejected, then most will start avoiding it. many girls simply can’t or won’t do it. the bad school system, quotas, discrimination against masculine work styles, and the emphasis on “agreeing with the current system” make it hard for men to get ahead. rejection is the very air we breathe, it is the sea in which we swim. another way to think is in terms of standing; is there a way to reject someone that still leaves them with some standing and self-respect? it was normal to tell the guy “i have to be in a relationship. that’s their decision, and while i was frustrated and somewhat saddened(especially when i was younger), i’ve come to accept it. i’ve had two “boyfriends” – one in high school and one in first year university. think susan’s mission is to help guide a certain subset of women to make better dating/mating/hookup/sexual choices for themselves irrespective of the overall smp.@jt, i do agree that men were hit the hardest by this depression (let’s just call a spade by a spade) and lack of jobs, and i see this in my daily life and the lives of my female coworkers who are married to out-of-work construction guys, tech guys, etc..in situations like dumping or rejecting someone, i think it’s useful to imagine there being a certain, fixed, irreducible amount of hurt/pain to be delivered; the question is, are you going to force it all onto the other person, or accept some on yourself? what’s the definition of “commitment” to a modern girl (incl. so, if you’re coming up with all sorts of reasons why you should reach out to him, stop. they think the sex will lead to him having strong feelings for her(because it will for her. thing about college is there are a shit ton of activities and clubs. little brother is a campus alpha, football star, tall, good-looking, friendly and outgoing. if, to quote thomas jefferson, they neither pick your pocket nor break your leg, then what’s the problem?
How Guys Really Feel About the Girls They Hook Up With * Hooking i think susan’s mission with this blog is not to change the overall sociosexual marketplace. think about it – we don’t hear guys seriously saying, “she took advantage of me!, talking about how we shouldn’t blame the other woman because it’s our partner who was in the relationship and decided to cheat.” i’m not sure why that is, and it goes from simple things, like declining an offer to hang out when it’s finals time all the way to hooking up with a guy. least that’s what i’ve gathered in my years through conversations with friends. and yet it doesn’t stop their daughters from ending up miserable filthy cumrags. i can guarantee this girl would be stunned and devastated to learn how she is really viewed. of those women choose to be with players, so why should we feel sorry for them? in fact, who’s to say that a guy doesn’t make the whole thing up, with little regard for the girl’s reputation? construction has been flooded by cheap labor from immigrants as well, and you can thank the corporations who want to cut costs and make more profit at the expense of the workers. so girls drink a lot to overcome their natural inhibitions and boys drink a lot to work up the courage and voila!:my set of flat mates in particular last year (flat of 5 girls and 1 boy) had a wall of shame for a few months of photographs of all the conquests that left the house over that period. a man isn’t an inanimate article that you can just pick up and walk away with. because it’s highly judgmental, and so sets you up as the all-knowing judge of what’s best for everyone, including yourself, the guy, and this imagined other girl; and in setting yourself up as the superior judge you’re claiming a great deal of standing, and so naturally reducing the other person’s standing. for really hot looking girls, 8’s on up, who the player i type may actually contemplate having a committed relationship with, without really doing so, but it cuts the odds a lot. think the thing which irks me the most about the sexual revolution is how many people want to freely switch between standards of morality depending on what currently suits them best at the time. there’s a lot of babysitting going on at college. it took them a long time of courtship before they even got to touch or kiss me. many women want a boyfriend in order to fit in/have higher status/at least avoid total zero status. if you then agree with me that women can’t be trusted to guard what’s between their legs of their own volition, then we have no further points of contention. jack hitt had an essay on it back in the day. perhaps, but if you admit that you’re not willing to give up cocaine for vegetables then at least you know where you stand. i’m not saying that’s a good thing – it needs to change. will they simply ignore you if they think you’re not available for immediate sex since they can always get it elsewhere? hitt is a southern journalist and he pointed out that the kind of woman bill clinton was attracted to wore a lot of lipstick and “trumpeted her sexuality” a bit like bill’s mother., it’s only the peanut gallery that’s really screaming about how ugly a 5 is.” i’d be interested to hear your view of a more accurate, less cognitively challenged portrayal. this was such a huge change in how “waiting” is looked at today. it is quite immaterial, which is why you should not have raised it in the first place. a man is willing to tolerate lower quality women if he lacks the status or means to secure higher quality mates, but don’t expect him to be bouncing off the walls in joy at the prospect. my husband’s family is very liberal, and he is more leftist than i am, but he definitely did not sleep around and has often denounced casual sex. it’s the same reason that successful societies tend to collapse into decadence. too much casual sex damages a man’s ability to really pair bond emotionally with a woman, just the same as it damages a woman’s ability to pair bond with a man. 31, 2010 257 commentsit’s been expressed by numerous women here, most recently by sara, the writer of the letter in yesterday’s post, that sitting out the casual sex scene in college means getting very little male attention. if they work up the courage to talk to a girl, they go and screw it up by being completely oblivious to the signs she’s putting out and by not taking their friends’ (me! it really is like a foreign language, so you have to cut the guys some slack on this. i have friends with similar stories from law – they made partner before having a child, then realized it would be physically impossible to maintain that career. but i also don’t give a flying fuck what other people think, whereas a lot of girls will bow to the peer pressure. now, i’m not saying that reality should be, or even could be any different. over time i have learnt to say “no” better but at times it is still challenging. you’re better off waiting until the next time you see him — maybe you’ll end up having a cool conversation with him that sparks his interest and finally leads him to be the first to reach out. often this jealousy is born of insensitive behavior on the part of the guy, and has nothing whatsoever to do with the other woman.“you have absolutely have no experience with good women”no, i haven’t@chilliwhat you’ve said is all well and fine, but caring personally why a man is prepared for monogamy and caring about the reasons men should foster a monogamous attitude in the current culture are two different things. i’ve seen this play out with male friends of girls i’ve dated. not to the same degree, but both genders are expected to be polite, kind and respectful to everyone.’s what she gets for not swallowing like a good little democrat. why aren’t they talking to me and giving me the option of going out with them? party in particular i was with a few of these guys and a girl came up to talk to one of them expressing that she enjoyed the other night and was like eluding that they should meet up later tonight.”if this were a pie chart, b (wanting to fit in) would be at least 60 percent in my opinion. i don’t give a pass to women who sleep with married men, happily married or not. when you’re with a man with whom you have an emotional connection and that you’ve been making out with on your couch for the past half hour it’s pretty damn difficult to say “i’d rather not go further today. is not alone; her feelings are typical of many young women in college who want a relationship, not a random hookup. just a thought on those super-handsome men with plain jane wives. and while it might be tempting to exercise sober sexual power over a guy who’s under the influence, it’s not right for some of the same reasons it wouldn’t be right if roles were reversed. it’s about having the connection first, and waiting to have sex only after both people are in love. i mean i just listen to them talk i have never given my opinion that i think they are acting like pigs – i don’t like using the term but it’s like they are suffering from the whole madonna whore syndrome. but let’s remember that bill clinton was 1) married and 2) president of the united states and therefore pretty high profile. either way, i support holding everyone, regardless of sex, responsible for their own choices. if you try and get this type of information out of a guy regarding his girlfriend, he’ll get mad at you and you will lose social cred amongst him and his friends.’s why i said it’s terrible luck to be targeted by one of these guys – there’s very little one can do to defend oneself. if the guy leaves for greener pastures then the girl knows he wasn’t in love with her, which is okay. grew up with three brothers, and what they pounded into me growing up was, “there are girls men play with, and there are girls men take seriously. guys respect these girls more because of increased emotional investment. i thought gay guys marrying straight women was done and over with since being gay is more socially acceptable now. this is obviously not true for everyone, but it applies to the vast majority. pitt should be the one she is the most angry with because he stepped outside of their marriage. it’s exactly because many women are naturally more attracted to bad boy player alphas and are tempted by the sex with them that they can’t easily say no. of these questions and others surrounding the topic at hand, sherman says, “drunk sex is never a good idea. that’s because this post and thread give some pretty alarming examples of women being so eager to please, and having so little self-respect, that they don’t even know they’re being jeered at in the town square. i am fine with it, but it is hard to choose that road when all of your friends are dating and crushing on boys, and it does get lonely. women actively seek men with a history sans commitment, because it implies he has success with other women. we may still see them happily reunited with the staff at 1600. they still wouldn’t respect them any more, and they’d still be helping them to ruin themselves for ltrs with guys in their own league. sure wouldn’t call the other woman’s actions good or even morally neutral, but i prefer feministe’s position to the sort of nonsense you see on jerry springer where the wronged wife, babymama or gf rationalizes the guy’s behavior (“that bitch stole my man! and incredulous that it’s in a college girl’s repertoire. men are having a tough time due to globalization and outsourcing of almost all manufacturing, technology and traditionally masculine jobs. put another way, the best he could do before entering politics and gaining any power is hillary., you should write a post about some of the stds that are becoming more common as a result of promiscuous sex. you address that piece – the responsibility that every person has for his or her own happiness, then i’m afraid you’re bound to keep hearing the same things from women. goes without saying, i would think, that turning down a request for sex is difficult only when the woman is tempted. we did an entire article about drunk-texting that you should read now. said, and this can only be accomplished if the guy knows right up front, either through your reputation or direct communication, that you are a girlfriend, not a hookup (the female equivalent of dad vs. and so she drifts further and further away from reality. but do the listeners call bullshit or believe everything that’s said even when stories are made up? it’s the reverse double standard, and it’s very real. some of it is intelligence(less likely to make impulsive decisions), sometimes its even just social awkwardness(lots of really smart kids = some uniquely weird interactions).’ll hear a guy complain about a girl using him for his bank account but not his body. survey shows that many people leave spring break with some serious regrets. what is bad and evil, imo, is not recognizing reality for what it is, and instead indulging in ludicrous, self-serving fantasies about how accommodating, un-hurtful and eager to please women are. did not say men should be snared into commitment with a lie. you’re ok with that, then go ahead and keep hooking up..78 for every dollar is not an average, it is an aggregate. there are many reasons a man would be interested in one, for example he’s seen it work well for his parents, or he’s tried the short term thing and doesn’t like it…. these days i shake my head at finding out that my twentysomething nephews manage to get girlfriends just by texting, because when i was single, courtship was the norm. more amazing you are, the harder it is to find love. i was actually young and stupid enough to sit through the date and give serious answers to those questions..i’ll go into more detail about what happened, gynonormativity, what should or should not reasonably count as “poor delivery”. i’m not going to cushion their falls or be “the nice guy” who chastises the dudes they sleep with.”that’s the first thing i thought—what guy would actually want that from a girl? at a minimum, anyway, it might be a refreshing change of pace for him. don’t say that honesty would be nice but only if charm is already present; take honesty without charm first over the reverse. my set of flat mates in particular last year (flat of 5 girls and 1 boy) had a wall of shame for a few months of photographs of all the conquests that left the house over that period.) however, in a situation where the two are meeting for the first and possibly only time, then it’s unlikely a woman will see past inept delivery because she has no knowledge of his other qualities. maybe this is the “madonna” image, but it was entirely my own personality to begin with, and people can tell it’s not fake. i think with all the focus on the physical act of sex, people forget about the heart and soul of love, that it is not just about the “hottest” partner or the one with the highest “objective” sexual market value, but about something deeper and more magical.” he would probably treat an actual wife/girlfreind very well. my job is a bit difficult to describe, but project manager is probably the closest. joy sherman, co-author of the happy hook-up: a single girl’s guide to casual sex, says, “a girl should never assume a guy has consented to having sex unless he specifically says he wants it—even if that guy is sporting an erection, an erection is not a sexual green light. have written about this topic, though it focuses more on herpes:I think as we get older, most (but not all) guys stop this kind of thinking, because most eventually realize how counterproductive it is. a drunken state of mind, can a guy provide consent? their success insulates them with a false sense of security. i don’t think it would be a good idea for me to date this girl anymore. plenty of people fall in love without having sex first. the reasons for why a man wants to commit (my definition) are not important to me as long as he is ready to do so. he’s treated her like crap, won’t be seen in public with her and only contacts her for sex when he’s drunk. i’d rather be the respected wife who was not the one he was sexually attracted to, and be realistic about it. i’m still fairly swamped with family drama, but hopefully can get some more posts in on a regular basis. for a guy they do not like or even find unattractive there is generally no difficulty in rejecting, being disagreeable, very assertive, or even flat out cruel with some. “because i’m sick of partying” , “because it fits in with my religious beliefs”, because it will bring out the best in me”, ” because i’m lonely”,” because i have a lot to offer”. joy sherman, co-author of the happy hook-up: a single girl’s guide to casual sex. average college student, both male and female, leaves school with a mean of <2 sexual partners. for short-term mating, they prefer women with a high sex drive and a high degree of sexual experience. intrasexual female competition prevails, though, and women do use it to justify excusing rejection by men. if you raise your daughter 1) to be extremely afraid of authority, anger, or disapproval, and 2) that any male in the entire world has authority over any female anywhere in the entire world, 3) that her entire identity and all chance for approval, acceptance, or success lies in “snagging” a man, and 4) that she has no right to decide anything for herself, an unintended consequence is you are raising a pushover with no authority in her “no. as for hillary standing by bill, i do believe their marriage is strictly strategic – whatever their connection is, it’s pretty clear that sex isn’t part of it, and probably hasn’t been for hmmm, how old is chelsea? we both knew relatively quickly that we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together and become a family, but we waited and were in a committed relationship for a year before the legal marriage.
The DOs and DON'Ts of Drunk Sex | Glamour it kind of sucks(my life is eat, football, eat, football, eat, football, then sleep, in that order, then repeat the next day), but being back in the locker room has given me some serious insight into this particular topic: male views on casual hookups vs. isn’t a matter of just deserts, but more an inability to act surprised when the totally predictable occurs. herecoachingebooksadvertisecontactcarthow guys really feel about the girls they hook up withsusan walsh •.) trying to look “nice” and inoffensive in a rejection can really be a way of using your leverage to preserve a positive image for yourself, which is cruel because your self-image comes at the other person’s expense. that’s the truth, sad as it is, because everytime guys see her they will remember that story. i don’t know how this would be accomplished but i assume it would have something to do with changing how american girls are socialized.’d be much more of a story if as a whole, young girls all of a sudden were getting back to being chaste and waiting for love, rather than taking off their clothes and participating in wanton lustful behavior.@chili – i think you hit the nail on the head there in your reply to esau.: “ivy-league elites tend to be ultra socially liberal, and to not bother instilling their children with even basic character or moral awareness..hope this is helpful; at least, it’s worth the price. i haven’t even morally judged men who have lots of sex with different women, but remain honest with them. woman marries player, maybe starts as an affair with a married man, and then is shocked when he is unfaithful? no one would have sympathy for a man who decided he was being “used”, and rightly so: people do not accidentally fall in bed with each other. if you want to be the girl that guys want to date and not the one they just hook up with, focus on living a great life — maintain strong friendships, be passionate about something, eat healthy, stay active, have fun, and enforce some standards for how men need to behave in order to be with you. a group of other girls would call guys on the phone and pretend to be her, asking guys out with a fake speech impediment that sounded like the deaf girl. very few men would consider a woman with 1 partner before marriage to be promiscuous. many of these women feel as though they got burned by players, but it seems as though many of these women get played over and over again, so it seems as though they are the ones to blame for their own poor choices? for my daughter however i’ll point out that plenty of other women are capable of looking past poor initial delivery to find high quality guys. being “heartless” has nothing to do with it, because there’s no moral expectation being transgressed here; it’s a schizophrenic consequence of the liberalized market. ok, this is a problem with wordpress, at least this theme. i would argue that most women are more aware of how unlikely their sex partners are going to be to committing than you appear to think, and that those who aren’t – those who are truly naive – are not going to think rationally when presented with the gina tingle. it’s also slightly amusing that i began this whole exchange by disputing susan’s claims that amounted to some gang of men being “mindless, heartless sex machines”, but whatev. if it’s a guy she likes and he keeps trying after she said “no” the fist (second, third etc time) then saying a final and firm “no” to him at this point is already difficult. or do you do your homework and think it through, checking out some models which don’t get the most add time in case you might find a diamond in the rough? yeah, she was stupid, but stupid in a way that most girls get to forget about. i will never be quite as cynical as roissy, nor will i ever vengefully turn to asshole game to either “get back” at girls or to just get my rocks off by “giving them what they ask for”, etc, etc. but they seem to not care or maybe they feel like not being part of the hookup scene isn’t a choice. he grew up with a cocktail of sexuality and manipulativeness. i’m really talking about threads where guys say “she’s too skinny, i wouldn’t hit that,” etc. then, consider yourself lucky if he doesn’t haul off and slap you hard across the face — only fair, in a sense, since propagating this pernicious, dehumanizing tripe practically amounts to an act of violence in itself. it’s not like i asked you to run into a burning building. i’ve seen attractive girls be very friendly with unattractive boys and vice versa. it unethical to hide one’s exact number from a prospective spouse? the woman discussed by bigearn has learned (or so she believes) that she can succeed in bedding a college hockey player who has a history of hooking up with attractive women. plenty of people fall in love without having sex first. (there is a lot of research on this btw – how proximity leads to sexual attraction. with perhaps a few gifted exceptions, men eat, drink and sleep rejection. we all have a choice about that, and writing “women have a hard time saying no”, in its many variations, is an utter failure to recognize reality for which you should all hang your heads in shame. i think my original post about how girls have trouble saying no got taken out of context and some of the other posters have offered some clarification i agree with. there is a difference in terms of context when it comes to saying no for women. if, however, she keeps on doing the same thing, or has done this before, then it’s caveat emptor..there’s a profound clue for you in what you wrote: ” i don’t like to confrontation or being thought of as a bitch”. for long-term mating, they prefer sexual inexperience, and seek reassurance that a woman will be satisfied with monogamy. either way, i support holding everyone, regardless of sex, responsible for their own choices. most less selective private universities surpass them as well, even in smaller cities like amherst, albany or providence. it basically shows the guy that he and his feelings count for zero, and she feels she doesn’t even owe him the respect of telling the truth. it’s a fair bet that the woman in question believes this guy she’s been having sex with has real feelings for her, or at least she hopes he does.) restrict yourself exclusively to a girlfriend; 2) travel a half hour to the nearest university town; 3) buy a big bottle of jurgens lotion..i’ve read a number of things on this blog that show just how disconnected from reality women can be (though, to be fair, i will credit female hus commenters as being noticeably less delusional than other communities, such as modern-day feminists). but finding love shouldn’t require you to compromise your self-respect or do things that are likely to turn you into the-guy-of-your-dreams’ hookup when you were actually trying to be his girlfriend. an instant, that girl took herself out of ltr territory. what the girls mean is they get extra pressure by bad boys, and they don’t know what to do.-yr relationship) and part of the reason is because i was lowkey about it. i think one part of the problem is that a lot of girls i see simply don’t know how to say “no. this whole post started with discussion of some man’s behavior, degrading a woman he’d been with to his friends, that i would certainly describe as “asshole-ish” (perhaps “assholic”? at this point, it may not even matter to them that the next morning he may be texting his buddies details about their sexual exploits or destroying her reputation. but going out on a date with a person you find unattractive is not a requisite for being a nice person. in the exception to the rule the husband was a pretty homely guy with a fairly pretty but somewhat of a ball-busting harpy wife. i wouldn’t want people to see me out with this girl, shes tall,skinny, decent body but her face is kind of a disaster. you don’t seem to be giving women very much credit here, it seems to me.. most students on campus are grown, but i’ve thankfully had car keys taken out of my hand, rescued some random drunk girl from alcohol poisoning and broke up a fight so that one of my crew wouldn’t get his ass kicked. it’s a waste of time to belabor the observation that women reject men’s sexual advances most of the time. does that mean a woman with low sex rank might as well put out? i have a few good guy mates who have talked to me and my set of girlfriends about their sexual conquests in ways that make me cringe.” it sounds like you have had a bad experience with one or more women. i refuse to be the white knight in shining armor. if it was important to him, i would think he’d have asked early on. so you might want to re-visit how realistic, or restrictive, you’re being in your judgement here. first, he was older and had it all over her in terms of sophistication. the teammate will also find her unattractive, but he knows he won’t catch too much shit for hooking up with her, since his buddy has already stooped this low. you’ve already mentioned that you’d rather lie to avoid pain; but, by the criteria mentioned above this directly suggests that being honest is a good approach, if you want to be compassionate, just from the fact that it would make you uncomfortable. girls don’t have to degrade themselves like the girl in that story did. but i had a very easy time saying no to casual hook ups, alcohol, cigarettes and partying. i find that kind of thing disgusting and i have no stake in it whatsoever. she said:guys i feel no attraction to creepily hitting on me constantly simply trying to sleep with me that night, i don’t think i will meet a truly nice guy at a bar or a party…at this point, i think i will be waiting until after graduation to really meet the guys i even want to date at all. i also offered this statement as a confession, knowing it would be unpopular, and speaking only for myself. women are generally quite picky, and not without good reason; and even if they weren’t, there simply wouldn’t be enough hours in the day to say yes to all advances. if you find that either (1) you can’t detect assholes in advance, or (2) you can’t resist assholes, then you’ve identified the main problem as being in yourself, not in the men of the world. those guys that would want to say no if they were in that situation, likely won’t end up in that type of situation in the first place because they aren’t getting the same kind of attention from women.@soxit’s up to men to understand that they’re not on women’s radars and make the necessary adjustments. sooner or later he’ll tire of banging hos and will seek out a nice girl. so really, it isn’t intelligence that is attractive, it is a, b, c, etc and then intelligence is the just the icing on the cake. commitment to a modern girl means a relationship that is sexually exclusive – being boyfriend and girlfriend. she was drunk on it, so she is definitely somewhat culpable. they don’t skimp on some of the typical family values either.’s how guys really feel about the girls they hook up with:from: bigearnhow bad is this, hookup wise? but if she is good looking, entertaining, fun to be around, and not a time/money pit then it is not as big a problem as you think.’s when he settled for me: the average looking “cute” girl with not a lot of experience and no high demands. it’s not pretty, but it’s an interesting peek behind closed doors. now the whole world is saying “it’s manipulative” to stop after a few kisses.’ve tried hooking up and my awkward failure let me know it wasn’t for me. if i were single and to have “drinks with her sometime” as she proposed, i would have been not happy with “just kissing”. had an unpleasant situation with a guy at my internship this summer who seemed to think that because i disagreed with him on a completely irrelevant issue, and had the courage to tell him so, i was a bitch. as one of the other commenters once put it, women must own the problem before being able to do anything about it. that is, most guys will not make a relationship “official” without being sexual first. think that it’s common for people to project their own experiences and preferences into these discussions. i’m asking because i’m in that position right now where i am going to have to do it. women are indeed the gatekeepers and that’s the point of the post – don’t give it up for alpha asshats. the next is never having sex with someone with whom he doesn’t intend to revisit. if you really want to give girls greater leverage in the dating marketplace, tell them to work on getting hotter looking. and that is, after all, when most hookups are happening. indeed, in yesterday’s post, sara was upset that joe had told everyone she’d given him a bj when it wasn’t true. the heart of the matter is you have to be careful in selecting the people with whom you will be the most vulnerable and open. a few things:1) these guys would be screwing these women over even if they didn’t make fun of them about it after. but does it do any good to not hook up, if stories can be told that you did anyway…and believed? however, regarding the rim job and others saying they’ve heard crazy things… could it be that the guys telling these stories are exaggerating just a little bit? then when she’s hitting the wall at 35 she’s trying to find a 4 or a 3 to settle with. esau, you should put your writing talent to becoming the next chuck palahniuk., compare this to my knowledge regarding girls who are officially involved romantically (read: dating) some of my teammates. don’t know your background, but you don’t seem to be a participant in american hookup culture.@athlone:@athol: yeah, and this is at an ivy where girls are relatively more reserved and the partying is much more restrained. what kind of contact is it when you lick someone’s genitals? are all over the map about this and the religion they profess (or at least the denomination they profess) doesn’t seem to determine whether they wait or believe waiting is “manipulative. it didn’t take 30 minutes before her friend’s flirting referenced sex and first dates. i was settled for once and it was a nightmare. lots of flashy, attractive, well-dressed, charming people who really know how to light up a party or have a good time, but nothing interesting about their souls:*no obvious and blatant personality or fashion imperfections. don’t be the girl whose entire life revolves around whatever guy she’s into, dropping everything for him the second he wants to hang out. nevertheless your “boys” need to understand that “fighting outside of your weight class” so to speak, is a definite no no. yeah, she was stupid, but stupid in a way that most girls get to forget about. the women on this thread are specifically discussing saying no to someone they’re already acquainted with. writing or advising them to do the contrary is a waste of time. i agree with you, too, that she paid a very high price for that youthful indiscretion. they would certainly never openly announce their girlfriend’s most intimate experiences to an assembled group of 100+ horny male teenagers.@esausince i’m here to help, here’s a start: prioritize honesty and decency over charm, popularity and social proof. it’s wrong, and i don’t want to keep hearing it. so back to the point, some guys who’ve probably experienced very harsh rejection are hearing this “well we just give in to what the guys want”, know it doesn’t square with their reality at all, but don’t realize it is only the 10-20% of men women find super attractive that they have a hard time saying no to.
- What does it mean when you re dating someone