How often should you see someone you're casually datingif it is, you don't have anything to worry about. said, i really need to pick a nit about your "down to earth" gals. i absolutely think you're right that introspection of a person really wants is incredibly important. know this is tangential, but since we're on the topic and you're the token poly-guy of the dnl comments :p, i had a few questions about polyamory, if you wouldn't mind answering them (i've read a lot about poly the past year or so):1. they want all the benefits of a sexual relationship, without the baggage of being emotionally available to their lover. i think the bigger issue was that i felt taken for granted and like i was ignored when i brought these things up. focusing on the present rather than the future helps keep things about being in the moment. okcupid does have its troubles, but it also feels really refreshing after a stifling relationship has ended! it’s important to establish from the outset that this is a casual arrangement and that neither of you are expecting more out of it. which is why i advice communication, instead of assuming that she's on the same page because she's "down to earth. things have gone a lot differently with the guy i'm seeing now and i'm happy to say i'm getting back as much, if not more, than i put in. just because the relationship is casual doesn’t mean it’s ok to play with somebody’s expectations or treat their emotions like your personal chew toy. there are too many people that just choose to stop responding to text messages to end things., no offense meant to anyone who isn't built for commitment, i don't care, not my life, not my body parts, but i do think it's important to know what kind of person you are before you enter into any relationship, casual or not. casual sex is sort of like that great idea you have for an art project -—you can picture it perfectly in your head, but when you actually sit down to do it, it never looks exactly how you thought it would. the idea of casual sex is great, but the reality of it is often a lot harder than people realize. this doesn’t mean you have to send your special friend an emoji parade of feelings to their phone all day every day, but you also don’t get to just ignore them either.**took me a few situations to get here, but i now have a policy that girlfriend services are part of the total girlfriend package and are not available a la carte. for example, a lot of “date spots” are designed to be as romantic as possible – low lights, soft music, etc. you’re fully dependent on a partner to provide all of your sexual stimulation, you’re absolutely going to start developing feelings for them." then, on our second date he brought over the first book in a trilogy that he wanted me to read. at times, all you want is the reckless rush of a rollercoaster ride that gives you a high and a racing heart, makes you feel dazed and confused, and leaves you back on square one at the end of it all. intercourse is proving to be too difficult for you, you can try taking it off the table for casual hook-ups. it seems like a "best of both worlds" vetting process, and i get the impression they have all kinds of things they're trying to observe without having to use their words and have relationshippy conversations. can be remarkably tricky, given the amount of cultural baggage we often don't realize we're carrying around. maintaining steady contact with someone throughout the day presents an obvious danger to the eggshell status of your whole thing. he was in a big rush to move in together and all this other stuff, yet pretty much every date was netflix and me cooking. there's a huge overlap between "good for dates" and "places you can get a really superior, beautifully presented meal and some delicious wine/well-balanced cocktails. if you feel like you can’t trust yourself to handle those feelings without making bad decisions, it may be time to consider whether or not you’re capable of truly casual sex. was basically told "it's probably not a big deal, don't worry about it" and that was it. which weren't problems, because i wasn't seeking out those things. pretty much always pay my own way, whether i consider a relationship serious or not, so my casual dates don't necessarily differ all that much in terms of expense. what's really annoying is when guys label these dates "easy" and "low maintenance" and "cheap. if it happens, great, but it so often (for many reasons the doc ennumerated so well) ends in tears for all involved despite the bet of intentions. if you feel like saying ‘i love you’ because they make you feel so good, hold that thought. but i think i shouldn't expect nothing and flow where it takes me. or you’d have one confused lover and one frustrated lover in the relationship, and that’s never going to bode well for the relationship, even if it’s only a casual one. it'll keep you from wasting time on women who aren't offering what you want, and can help you avoid that "i'll fuck anything" vibe that's off-putting as hell. honestly, i hope she went if only to push him into the fire for cavalierly mixing cheeseball romantic moves with the pure and unadulterated joy of uncommitted time in each other’s bone zones.. because that's where logic took me and is it was disconcerting. there can be uproarious laughter and merrymaking, but it needs to be devoid of any sort of romantic dimension.” or a carefully negotiated contract stipulating what is and isn’t permissible. the only things this person may reasonably be responsible for are your orgasms and half the price of plan b."you might wonder why it is important to have a healthy relationship with someone you barely know.**"that'll be dating exclusively but not in a relationship at the second window, please. you may find it easier to stay emotionally detached if you stick with less intimate activities. it can turn into that, sure, but you can’t just bait and switch. if you're a serial monogamist and you're trying to keep things chill with a new person, here's exactly how you do it:Be upfront with your partner and yourself. but now that you’re considering dating again (sort of), let’s figure out how to do so tactfully, shall we? also helps you identify the people who’ve gotten into a casual relationship under false pretenses. dating lightly is just a different kind of romance altogether. if we did do something, he would often look miserable. are also many people who are incapable of wrapping their head around the concept of wanting only to have sex with one person who is also only having sex with you, but not wanting to make it official. the reason, many people are more interested in a casual relationship than they are in something committed or long-term.’s worth noting: the point of having and maintaining strong boundaries isn’t because people are going to try to trick you if you let you guard down. if he'd planned thoughtful, creative things that didn't cost a lot of money, i wouldn't have the same complaints, you know? the former might fuck up by assuming that “casual” means “easily disposable,” while the latter could fuck up by failing to communicate that they really, truly, don’t want anything serious. a lot of the time the choice seems to be between being a "demanding but informed" woman versus "down to earth, chill and completely confused. a longtime casual dating champ, i'd cosign pretty much everything except this bit: "for example, a lot of “date spots” are designed to be as romantic as possible – low lights, soft music, etc. guys can't get tested, and safer sex practices already cover what to do if you've been exposed. you will have to work extremely hard with communicating clearly. you don’t ask about your casual partner’s dates or their other hook ups. having someone to go do things with would be on my list of reasons to want a casual relationship. if you want the casual relationship to work out, be truthful and avoid manipulating your partner. me, those two things aren't actually the same, though sometimes they go together. but they’re either afraid of saying so because they think it will hurt the person’s feelings, or afraid that they’ll get dumped once their intentions become obvious.. that was my immediate thought when i read this: i suspected those guys weren't lying to you about what they wanted so much as they were lying to themselves, and you just got splashed by it. hopefully, you'll find somebody willing to take a chance on you being who you say you are, and things will proceed from there. don't mean to be overly presumptuous, but i think the idea that you're somehow going to completely avoid the traps in this article simply by having read it is overly optimistic.#6 talk about it if one of you crosses the line.
Dating With Tinder - AskMenyou have a preference and others have theirs and that's all there is to it 🙂 . (and not just "open to exploring a poly relationship;" i know a few poly women who regard that as code for "i'll fuck you as long as it's convenient and will bail the moment i get a proper monogamous relationship going," and they're generally not eager to get back on that ride.# are we going to keep this relationship a secret from everyone else? and if i'd had better boundaries back then, we possibly could've maintained the great, casual thing we had going on. just be open and honest, with others and most importantly with yourself 🙂 ."i haven't even been in a monogamous relationship so i have no idea what my patterns of jealousy (or lack there of) are. feel like the best you can do is tell partners you may have been exposed to it — which, given how common it is and how 50% of the sexually active population can't even be tested for it, is a perfectly sensible assumption to make of any new sex partner; and use a condom — which you should already be doing anyway.’s also important to remember that those boundaries include discussions of other partners." i couldn't figure out for the life of me why he would announce this to me, but then wondered if that time we were at the mall and he pointed at a couch, saying how he imagined it as the family movie-watching couch, that it was some kind of way to assess my family-mindedness without you know, actually having to have the conversation and making things sound "serious. so one person might feel pressure to stay celibate until marriage because that's the community he is in but he really doesn't want to, where someone else might feel pressure to sleep with as many girls as possible and not care about them even though he wants to wait for marriage because that's the community he's in. i just know from personal experience and from witnessing others that the people who fought against what they really wanted are the ones who most hurt themselves and others. are here: home / dating / how to maintain a casual relationshipcommitment isn’t for everyone. reason that casual dating is so hard for many people is because, well, isn’t the whole point of first, second, or third dates that they’re casual? fundamentally, you have to figure out how to treat her with consideration and respect without sliding into "romance! it seems really really hard for straight men to find partners even relative to other poly people, and the scarcity that implies scares me a bit because i'm pretty picky about personality. and when you get your answer, you get to make a decision too. absolutely, and there is no harm talking about what you want and having a clear picture. if i'd try to clarify, he'd verbally insist he wanted casual dating, while his behavior was committed and romantic. my name is beca and up until relatively recently, i was a serial monogamist.# if one of us falls in love with someone else, can we end things abruptly? but after a couple of months i was still only seeing him every other thursday or sunday and i wanted more, so i went over to tell him that i didn't like the ambiguity and we should just stop with the dating. [read: 6 signs to recognize a girl who wants to hook up and 12 ways to hook up with her]. is where a good sense of personal boundaries really becomes crucial., yeah, i've heard this before, and the uncertainty of it all is kinda scary to think about. if you’re in a casual relationship with someone who tries to cling to you or trap you by pretending to fall in love with you each time you want to get away, you’re probably dating a selfish person who just wants your attention all the time, even if they don’t care about you! and i could see myself happily agreeing that yes, that comfy couch *does* look like a good family movie-watching couch. we're all perfectly normal in all our wonderful unique absurd ways 😉 . which is to say, an ongoing but uncommitted relationship wherein the parties involved actively choose a lower-stakes relationship. it's so exhausting and frustrating, i've given up on casual relationships altogether. what's important is that you be true to yourself, stay safe, and have fun. and for people who do really want kids, there aren't a whole lot public models of poly families (and i should really ask that kinky couple who make lifestyle furniture/large "toys" how they navigate their somewhat open kinky life with having a family…). the problem is if you want the strong emotional component that usually results in a connection that usually results in a desire for commitment. "throw me in some pop tarts when your waffles are done", not so much. in my opinion it can progress to something better afterwards."discussing personal issues and lending a listening ear is something you even do with one-night stands". my advice to anyone iis have fun, be honset, be safe and live your life how you want too 🙂. in the past, if i've liked someone enough to have sex with them, i've tended to get attached, and ended up falling in love and in relationship with them — whether i actually thought they were right for me or not. i'm sorry, because i'm sure you want to protest right now, but i stand by this assessment: if you are only dating one person for long enough, no attempts to keep things light and easy, no matter how earnest, will effectively prevent that person from turning into a monogamous paramour. yeah, women (particularly bi women) are going to get more opportunities than the average straight guy. thing i think it's important to note is that some people just aren't built for casual relationships. i think it's the best way if 2 people don't know each other very well. yeah, my poly-leanings have just reinforced my feelings that i really need to get to a place of mental health before i date. the tricky bit comes from boundary maintenance — from discovering that you're paying lip service to the notion that you're in a secondary relationship, but treating it as though it were a primary with all the commitment and obligation that entails. casual relationships by their nature are short-lived and ephemeral… but that doesn’t mean that ending them needs to be about heartbreak and bad feelings. even little things like buying flowers or celebrating special occasions can reframe the interaction from “two people enjoying each other’s company without expectations” to “two people dating. plus with her work schedule and going back to school, she would be a lot busy for a relationship but a friendship should build that for the future, if she wants and i play my cards right. okay, maybe it is for some of us, but we can totally do it. once in a blue moon we'd go to a sit-down restaurant that served alcohol, but it felt like pulling teeth to make it happen. important implication that doc doesn't explicitly hit: you need to be reasonably secure about yourself and what you're bringing to the table for a casual relationship to work. so what about exclusivity and long term commitment makes you uncomfortable? we nevertheless managed to regularly get together for girls' nights at decent restaurants, coffee houses, and bars; thrift/discount shopping excursions; potluck-with-upscale-cocktail game nights, hikes, or even go on a road trip., the emotional leeway and doing cute stuff together is something i do.'d say the biggest difference in the dates is that i'd be unlikely to include friends in our plans or to suggest anything that needed a lot of advance planning (a concert next month in another city, or something similar). you can go into it with the best of intentions or the most progressive of beliefs, but you can’t always prevent feelings from cropping up. if you run into a woman who says "no," johnny's suggestion is the best of the bunch. i really want to keep it light a d casual but don want it to end. are both spineless reasons to not say that you want to be and remain casual. so when you’re casually dating someone, don’t treat her like a booty call that just happens to come over during the day and go out with you sometimes. we laid down some rules and kept an open flow of communication. put, casual relationships are an outlet to satiate sexual and emotional desires without the rules and boundaries of a regular romantic relationship.'t exclude clearly citing your terms of the relationship to her, but does exclude her actually second-guessing what you're saying because of hoping for something else. but when you’re in a casual relationship with someone, there is presumably a sense of feeling and affection. i admit that i have no idea what i'll really want and what will actually be doable given my future life circumstances, but i figure i might as well talk about the theory of this stuff, you know? you could nip that stuff in the bud, or make sure to occasionally reiterate where you stand with them, since "down-to-earth" women can get confused by mixed messages just as easily as any other kind do. not an inherently bad thing, but decidedly not a result you want if your goal is to keep to a no-strings relationship. you don’t have any control on them or the relationships you get into., a lot of people, both men and women, want a monogamous casual relationship. you can touch her butt when vin and michelle are getting all handsy on those honda civics to see if she wants to skip the show for indulging in night ways, but if she wants to finish the whole movie, cool your jets! because of the lower levels of investment, they tend to be short-lived and generally easier to walk away from than a more standard relationship. this is an affair, not a deposition and she’s not obligated to disclose anything about sexual activities that don’t involve you… just as you’re not obligated to share more than you feel comfortable with.
don’t fall for manipulation, and don’t manipulate your casual buddy. was in a casual relationship with a friend of mine and we just kept it simple and we really didn’t have any labels. i've felt guilty for developing real feelings for someone who was supposed to just be a friend-with-benefits, and felt betrayed when someone i agreed to be casual with wanted more, but the fact is that we can't always decide how we feel about someone. assume they’re seeing someone else – especially if you are – and remember: condoms, condoms, regular sti screening and also: condoms.(forgive how pedantic i'm being, i know you know all this. now, my guy and my friend are great friends and i think my friends lady is totally kick ass., my long-term fwb was/is a lot more generous than the last guy i dated.) just be honest about what you're looking for, and emphasize that no, you're not just trying to score some ass — you really feel like this could be the right choice for you. it's not the absence of jealousy that tells you whether or not you can do this; that's ideal, and it may be where you eventually wind up, but there's just too much cultural conditioning telling you that your partner having sex with other people is the worst betrayal imaginable for that to be a realistic goal right out of the gate."unfortunately, there's not a lot you can do to accurately anticipate how you're going to respond to that situation until you're actually in that situation, responding to it. worst case scenario: you cool on your attraction to them, in the meantime they fall hard—for both you and your favorite cafe. it was way too strong, way too fast, and ultimately contributed to me making sure we didn't schedule a second one. communication is traditionally regarded as super important in any kind of relationship, no matter how serious it is.? outside of poly communities, that's kind of a tough ask, though another type of person who might be up for it is a woman who enjoys intense relationships but has a set end date on any relationship you have with her because she's moving or going back to school or whatnot in a few months. it's not saying that what we want isn't what we really wanted at the time, it's that when we get it and maybe it turns out we didn't really want it after all it's okay for us to say "never mind. drawing your boundaries very firmly and verbally confirming them would help get the communication across, even if your behavior did tend to lean a little romantic. But instead of diving headlong into a committed monogamous partnership—or one of those polyamorous ones that’s really more about booty-calling whoever’s around—you’re going to date casually. but unless you’ve already established that talking about other sex partners is fair game, then it’s simply none of your business. have a straight-up conversation early on to let the other person know you're not game for things to grow into something more extreme. so he was getting all the bennies of a girlfriend without having to call me, make time for me, or be in a committed relationship. honestly, there is something a thousand percent more serious about walking hand-in-hand with another human in daylight than boning them in a private setting after bar-hopping. yes, it is easier if you fit that community's norms, but most of us don't (regardless of the community), and as you say need to truly explore what fulfills them or not. there was default exclusivity and vague talk of moving in together someday but no serious conversations. honesty, communication and rules are key for maintaining a casual sex relationship. sometimes there doesn't seem room for a guy in his early 20s who wants secondaries, yes, but is also wanting a primary, and who is still exploring himself (even if i don't start dating for years, and i may well not, i'll still fit that description). i was recently made aware of some sort of deranged lunatic who invited his booty call over to sit by a fire late at night and only then proceed to bang. this in turn, raises the suggestion that you’re seeing them as a long-term prospect." (the opposite of "down to earth" being flighty, unrealistic, impractical-aka, not the nicest set of traits. all my poly friends work harder at the commitment part of their relationships, making sure to nurture all their relationships in their own unique ways. if you feel controlled or dominated, walk away before you get your heart broken. if you’ve too recently been in a relationship that lasted long and ended amicably enough that you still go fishing with your ex’s brother—or keep forgetting that farting audibly in front of a date is unacceptable—this is probably a good way to test the water and get back out there."that'll be dating exclusively but not in a relationship at the second window, please. things will still get messy, hearts will still be broken (possibly even yours) and you might discover that what you thought you wanted you don't at all., i consider the tipping point from 'casual' to 'committed' relationship when at least three lawyers get involved. a lot of the poly advice i see basically says you have to develop a poly social network, and almost make the poly community itself a hobby, if you want to actually practice polyamory. then again, i mostly go for down-to-earth gals, who don't read too much into anything, so i should be alright. a girl reading into behavior that is socially coded as romantic or committed is not some evil man-poacher, clicking her talons together in anticipation of tricking a guy into being facebook official…. a few basic rules could go a long way in making the relationship work for both of you. difference is how well suited the person is with my life style…. we just need to be aware of that and make sure we change our behaviours along with them. again: not a bad thing, but presumably not what one is looking for if you’re trying to maintain a casual relationship. didn't seem to understand how i could possibly not like that…. don't think that means not holding them accountable for doing it once it's pointed out to them that they are in fact doing it, intentionally or not, imo. don’t say things that can confuse them like “i can’t imagine not having you in my life, but i do want you to meet other people and fall in love with someone else…”.’s easier to get into one and get out of one, and it also gives a person the chance to experience the lusty side of what the world has to offer, without being tied down by the rules of society or a serious relationship. so i'd like to be able to have multiple sexual relationships, perhaps even at the same time, where i could get intimate and emotional with my partners but at the same time have there be no expectation of becoming long term partners (unless we both feel that way after some time). you're fearful that they could leave you and end this at any moment … well, yeah. make time to take of your body and lavish attention on yourself. as a general rule of thumb, casual relationships are more relaxed; there’s usually less emotional investment and less involvement. Keep these 10 casual relationship rules in mind if you don't want to ruin it anytime soon! then again, i mostly go for down-to-earth gals, who don't read too much into anything, so i should be alright. dude, you do realize what a problematic characterization that is? see what you mean, but it seems like such a fine line to walk, with either side being a bad situation, no?. not sure how it's possible to parse down-to-earth as mind readers." i'm saying "lack of drama doesn't necessarily mean solid communication is happening," really. i think it's a basic problem of people assuming that a casual relationship is all the good things about a serious relationship without any of the work or commitment, when the reality is that if you give a bit less you need to ask a bit less as well. it offered a bit of breathing space, which, especially for people who tend to move directly from one relationship to another, can be a much-needed, incredibly valuable recovery period. time you try to end the relationship or drift away from your casual partner, does your partner try to get closer to you even if they were the one who was drifting away in the first place? in a genderflipped version, i've totally had people i was dating casually try to win me over with gifts and thoughtful gestures. Here's how to keep things casual and happy for everyone involved. the few things you do have complete control over are when your partner oversteps the boundaries, talks about love, or tries to control you or the people you meet. but most of us come from a background where what’s considered acceptable “dating” behavior has a heavy tilt towards romance and monogamy. and maybe they shouldn't jump to that last conclusion, but humans being humans do jump to conclusions."i see what you mean, but it seems like such a fine line to walk, with either side being a bad situation, no? except those romantic areas aren't designed to be a prelude for steamy, bed-rocking, don’t-come-knocking sex later on. reading up on the subject has led me to conclude that not even condoms can prevent spreading the infection (especially through oral sex). more personal intimacy tends to imply greater interest in emotional commitment. casual relationships are supposed to be light, fun affairs, not a cause for bitterness and and rancor."yet pretty much every date was netflix and me cooking". (no, scarlett johannson is not just moments away from coming to her senses and dating you.
i left a video game at someone's house but that was more of "this is cool, you should play it" that i'd do with any friend. if you don’t think it’s working out, talk to your casual buddy about it. i generally keep a toothbrush, a contact lens case, and a change of underwear in one of my side pockets as a matter of course (it's made my life much more pleasant when working late, traveling, or hooking up), but i'm also that person who drags the same big tote around everywhere. the biggest difference is that if she mentions she'd like to introduce you to her boyfriend, that's actually a good sign. it’s important that if you want a casual relationship and your partner doesn’t that you don’t passively accept a change of parameters because you’re conflict averse and don’t want to risk a break-up by defending your boundaries. if i wave at someone by shaking my middle finger at them, it's really on me to understand why they're upset and don't understand that i was just trying to say hi. and i think we can feel all kinds of pressure depending on our social group. this is a dick move that i’ve seen far too many people pull and a violation of the other person’s trust. think a lot of the problem comes from only being shown two options when we're young (well, at least when i was young): either you're omfg just using her for sex (you dick), or you're treating her right which entails all the boyfriend-y stuff described here. this reminds me of my 3rd theory, which is that these guys want a casual relationship, while at the same time they enjoy having a filler girlfriend. type of social interaction can cue way too much stress, and introducing that kind of social stress into a casual relationship defeats the purpose of keeping things non-serious. this is still how you feel when you're ready to start looking for a relationship, i'd definitely advocate explicitly looking for a poly one.: how to maintain a casual relationship | kinkementary 100% free dating | free online dating | 100% free dating site & free online | free online dating: chat with singles nearby! it reduces the chance of sending mixed messages – especially by accident – and thus reducing the potential for heartbreak and hurt feelings. i know you can't be painting the town red every night but seriously, if you're sweatin' a trip to taco bell, maybe you really are too poor to date. possible that they were trying to be casual but just didn't know how to go about it. being poly doesn't mean just getting the good stuff without the work. is a reason why one person will think a person is a great person, and another will find them to be an asshole… different people have different social need and different perspectives. the offending party manages to prolong the affair by saying things like, “let’s see where it goes,” when they have no intention of seeing it actually go anywhere beyond where it is. the clearer everybody is on where they stand, the less chance there is for confusion, hurt and resentment. you can use this information the next time you find yourself in that situation. a girl they're dating can't call them on their behavior because hey, they said at the beginning this was casual! casual dating, to me, involves sometimes leaving the house and sometimes eating a nice meal together if that is something we're both into. you’ve just gotten out of a relationship and the last thing you want is to jump on that particular horse again. you find your partner too dominant or controlling, chances are, you’re falling in love with them and agreeing to anything they say only because you can’t bear the thought of losing them or staying away from them. it’s very easy to feel intensely attracted to someone you’re having sex with and spending time often. is not one person on the planet who doesn't have things that bother them. that is about the same level you want to maintain with your date. you don't have to understand or participate in such a relationship. non-monogamy, on the other hand, only refers to sexual non-exclusivity, not the level of emotional commitment. it doesn’t work for everyone, and it’s perfectly ok to acknowledge that you’re one of those people." because i tried to bring up my needs in a polite tone of conversation instead of fighting, screaming, and crying, they didn't take them seriously? key is to know your own heart and mind, and to let no one else pressure you to do anything you don't want to do. they wanted so badly to fit a certain mould of person that they made themselves miserable doing it. ask your casual partner these questions once you establish that a casual relationship is what both of you are looking for. i needed to do all that dating before i was ready to be part of a relationship. you may think these questions are just awkward and not very important, but within a month or two, you’d wish you had the answers to these questions already!'m a person who wants deep connection with anyone in my life (i'm not really the type to have "buddies"). sounds like casual sex hasn’t been working out for you in the way that you would like it to. so if a guy was hinting around using it as some sort of esoteric biological clock indicator, there would probably be some crossed signals there., you're not going to be surviving the zombie apocalypse, that's for sure! i know myself well enough to know that there's no way i'd be able to have a romantic/sexual relationship with someone and keep it at a strictly casual level. you may not realize this until you’re ready to step out of the relationship. similarly, do not suggest, hint or even vaguely insinuate that you might be up for something more in hopes of getting a casual commitment now. yeah, there are definitely times when some guys want all the girlfriend services* without having to provide the boyfriend services*. i find it so interesting how many people who were the poster people for non-conventional lifestyles a few years ago are joyfully jumping into the conventional social norm. really dig into your subconscious and ask yourself what you're after. men will do this all the time as well – they enter into a no-strings-attached affair with the intention of trying to wear the woman down until she agrees to a committed relationship. well put, doc, but i'd add that wanting a committed relationship out of something that started as casual isn't necessarily malicious or 'pushing'. try to avoid making plans beyond the level of “hey, i’ve got tickets to see los lonely boys at stubbs on friday, want to go? i tried really hard to carefully and thoughtfully express my needs and feelings, and i just felt like i was talking to a brick wall. unfortunately, there's not a lot you can do to accurately anticipate how you're going to respond to that situation until you're actually in that situation, responding to it. they’re designed to inspire feelings of love and affection. but whether you end up as friends or something more, careful relationship maintenance can keep things light, happy and enjoyable for everybody. agree with torv – i think most guys may want something casual but have no idea how to go about it so they do a bunch of romantic shit and send a ton of mixed signals. "down to earth" and "chill" are often set opposite to "high-maintenance" and "prone to drama" (omg, so many ok cupid profiles of dudes looking for "a down to earth girl, i hate drama! just because there are no strings attached doesn’t mean that it’s a free-for-all. i guess i'm wondering, if i don't think that's what i want to do anymore, are there any ways to protect myself and my feelings when i'm trying out casual sex and dating more than one person at once? also, if you start showing up with someone to events like these, the people in your life are going to start associating the two of you as a couple, and sometimes other people defining your relationship can have a significant impact on actually defining it. was i only such a catch because i was kind of pretty, faithful, and wasn't pressuring them for a ring and kids? it's more like a little flask of whiskey or box of bon bons tucked away in your bag – a little something extra to make life a little nicer. relationship events like observing anniversaries, calling her your girlfriend (or her calling you her boyfriend), giving her space at your home for her things and the like should similarly be avoided. she's usually just a gal who is confused by mixed signals, but doesn't know how to bring it up without being labeled exactly that. sounds like the women you're currently dating say "yes" to this request, in which case it's not a problem. that's partly why i offered to cook so much in the first place. despite all of us being non-monogamous, it was pretty mutual that the friendship between my friend, my boyfriend and me was more important than sex. i would suggest one edit; i'd put this:**do not agree to things in hopes that you can change his or her mind in the future or under the assumption that casual is just a stepping stone to “boyfriend/girlfriend” status. if i'm keeping my toothbrush there, we should probably be talking about splitting rent. i already had one situation where two showed up to the same performance. i've been here too with an ex, but interestingly when i was a poor student, i had a lot of female friends who were poor students, as well.