him, quite clearly, that it is clear that, given any desire of his (stated or clearly implied/inferred) to be “friends” (even if he means it), this then clearly means:1. me, this phase began with writing “living well is the best revenge” on a post-it, sticking it to the wall beside my bed, then staring at it for twenty minutes before deciding to take a nap. he insisted he loved me, wanted to marry me, just needed time to sort a few things out if i could only be patient and understanding and put my needs on hold for a while more… until the very end, when i could no longer overlook the bountiful evidence that by sticking around i was buffering his pain and making it unnecessary for him to take some responsibility for his divorce and take some real steps to heal and move on. ex was a crazy-maker, and clearly villainising you so that he found it easier to live with what he was doing.’s recognising the futility of this three-in-an-emotional-bed-situation and wanting no part of it, because even though you are sympathetic and compassionate, this wouldn’t be good for them and it sure as hell wouldn’t be good for you. i’ve actually lined up a date with someone else this friday, but still wondering whether i should keep in contact with the “not over his ex” guy.! now natalie has me curious as to what louise l hay would say about this particular diagnosis. even if he and the fiance are technically (and freshly) broken up, he still has emotional ties and he knows that sleeping with la will be considered cheating. son’s father wasn’t over his ex, although to be honest he also wasn’t over his childhood, his birth, the invention of the lightbulb and possibly the big bang, as far as i can see. in the same way, people might be and are changed by their relationships and their losses, but until it stops hurting them and distracting them from a new relationship then they still need time to heal. after the tinder fail, i watched **lars von trier’**s nymphomaniac, trying to will myself into the headspace of the film’s main character, who takes great pleasure in fucking strange men—something i, too, used to find sexy and exciting, before my ex-girlfriend tore out my heart and threw it in the trash along with my will to live and my problematically high sex drive. in turn, he is less than a year out of a very messy divorce and now has custody of three little kids. i probably should flush him, but i will go out with him this weekend as a “friend”.@ivy don’t be a nursemaid or glutton for punishment., i think that both the “wanted to be with someone who wasn’t you” and him passing on his gf’s catty comments were both appalling verbal jabs. or is the guy (or girl) having a hopeful feeling that she will come running back? means thoughts popping into your head when you least expect them that you may feel like you have no control over.’s what not empathising looks like: you’d put yourself in their shoes and immediately recognise your pain and your experiences…even if their pain comes from a different place and they’ve in fact had entirely different experiences.” the thing is that having residual feelings for an ex is completely normal, so how do you know if he’s emotionally available or not? the point is, em, he tries to convince you that he’s doing you a favour by getting you to move on. baggage reclaim is a guide to learning to live and love with self-esteem by breaking the patterns that stand in your way. i solved that by changing my number so his contact or lack of would not be a problem. he flat out told me that he knew the new woman wanted a relationship that led to marriage as well as other things that led me to ask after they broke up why he was with someone so incompatible.’m not trying to make a sweeping statement that modern dating is doomed, or to echo carrie bradshaw’s claim that dating in new york is somehow harder than in other places. he’s nice enough on a good day, like, but he isn’t god. reader recently asked me the question, "how do i know if the woman i'm dating is ready to move on from her divorce? i don’t know why i’ve been feeling so anxious and out of control lately – i think i’m feeling broke and lonely and comparing my circumstances to the acs and feeling rejected and foolish, too. terry, he probably never told any of his ex’s they were pretty either, at the time.’s a good chance that one day you may very well look back and realise your relationship wasn’t all that. wish someone would have told me then what the ladies here are telling you now. to mention that this guy makes tons of money and doesnt have a 9-5 job., if you asked me that question, the answer would be “i want a relationship so that i can have a nice mate to beetle around and share things with, lots of sex and some encouragement, support and inspiration in looking into ways to live my life more fully and experience new things. we get together, dip out feet into the water together, go about our business for the rest of the week, have time to think about what is the best course of action., you may think “i will hang around until such time that he is available so i am first in line”. thought i’d ask what all you wise women think about online dating and it’s capacity to give ‘refuge’ ie. i allowed myself to believe an illusion that the man was ‘special’, not a regular person, my best friend, confused about his feelings etc.“it sounds like he got the eum handbook for christmas and is now working on the suggested activities in chapter 2. point is, that self esteem is so very important and its the valuable lesson i have learnt with my experience. had a really similar experience — went on a couple of fairy tale dates, but the guy pulled away from the goodnight kisses. maybe he is having a great time, but that is all he wants right now. he’s also had a two year affair with a married woman and didnt care that this woman was married with children. then today i realised – it wasn’t about me but, really, everything that i went through with him wasn’t about him either. learning to be with someone new is an unfamiliar road with our new selves. the absolute first thing to do is stop calling him your ‘best friend’. this is generally when you find yourself in bed with a random french guy who only mentions that he’s married after you’ve had sex, right before he tells you that the crutches in his living room are for when he pretends to be disabled to skip lines at the airport. reading br, i was of the mindset that the best way to get over someone was to get under someone else… it was interesting to read this post because my ex ac obviously thinks this way and i’m now the ex.(and i am reminded here that it was my ex who taught me my fave celeb line, from madonna: “sure, women fake orgasms: men fake entire relationships! it’s better to acknowledge the truth, weep, hurt and get over it than spend x years denying the truth and still have to weep, hurt and get over it. nothing in our lives happens out of coincidence, everything is a lesson. pilossoph is the author of her blog, divorced girl smiling, and the comedic divorce novels, divorced girl smiling and free gift with purchase. btw, i now believe it was a combination of hormones and an anxiety triggering event because i had no history and nothing seemed to help so i stopped trying meds and i just started to improve after menopause and the passage of time. how did i miss the signs, even when they were blatant?“my son’s father wasn’t over his ex, although to be honest he also wasn’t over his childhood, his birth, the invention of the lightbulb and possibly the big bang, as far as i can see. but an hour later, walking into the specified bar in the west village, i immediately understood why people take the time to screen each other via text.. there is neither hate or a starry-eyed look of love on his/her face when talking about the ex. not being over your ex means press your eject button, you might recognise this, you might not.
would that be – make plans, move in together, get married, have babies, integrate into each other’s families, stick with each other through sickness, redundancy, house moves, crap holidays and grocery shopping, have sex, grow old together, put each other first, be faithful, be loyal, commit, not date other people? “in that context, it’s much easier for someone to truly connect with a new person. as usual i kind of pulled away because i was intimidated by his looks. is all i’m going to see is “a fresh cut and pumping blood all over the place”. by waiting around for him, you are communicating that you don’t expect more for yourself. my breakdown, we had an amazing time together and i know he would still rather have sex with me than anyone else. i’m not going to put anyone on a pedestal; and he’s not the last chance saloon (thank you nat for your wisdom).. had healthy self esteem and enough confidence) obviously i wasn’t because at the first sign of his egotistic/narcissistic behaviour i should have flushed him instead of thinking he was the best thing since sliced bread! anyway, there’s no competition for his affections going on with that gf – when all this happened, she was already an ex but still contacting him. i’ve had enough of busting my guts trying to scale the emotional alps (as a br reader once described this stuff) only to end up in a big emotional mess – that i am still cleaning up a year and a half later. then there’s this period where you just feel numb and find yourself staring at inanimate objects, having really cliché, intro-to-philosophy-type thoughts like, “what is happiness, anyway? read how many people disavow any interest in anyone with ‘baggage’. the reason i say this is because, when your self esteem is healthy enough, it won’t register as a rejection or last chance saloon. was looking for an experience, but this was the wrong one. afraid because i wonder if i am his rebound girl. still struggle with having been and having let myself been used in this way, although it took 20/20 hindsight to realize that this is what was happening. i’m the one struggling to get over my uninterested ex and his lack of empathy. then i got a grip of myself and said ‘you are worthy’ of someone super hot. it’s one thing to be sad and miss the good times, miss his companionship, then spiral in to all of the red flags of unavailability (i’m not denying that i was eu in this, why else would i have pulled him in! anyway, i really couldn’t blame him for wanting a relationship with someone who was mentally healthier but it still hurt like hell and was the beginning of all of the relationshit insanity because i let myself be demoted to being the ow and continued having sex with him, etc. what they really want is somebody who isn’t like them and feels self-conscious about it. a matter of fact if they bring up their ex within the first hour of the date, they’re not over them. elle, i hear you about making sex this big thing that turns the new interaction into some kind of redemption scene in the old magnolia’s victim story. three months deep into my break-up, i have experienced almost all of them.) is that “not putting your life on hold” is a mental attitude and not about simply being prepared to go out with (date) other people. know how it feels to be the “rebound” woman…at the time i didn’t really realize this–it was not a good feeling and i swore to myself that i would try my best never to get into such a relationship again. also know what you mean about people who get over their ‘heartbreak’ not really having been ‘in it’. our relationship went into demise, he was already trying to replace me on dating sites. the tendency is there to place more value on the guy that plays “hard to get” or flat out doesn’t want you, over someone who is genuinely interested in you, open and emotionally available. he is being honest, even if you don’t like the truth. think it’s important not only to pay attention if they seem hung up over one ex…but many. when i excuse myself from the date, he kept begging me to stay….“it sounds like he got the eum handbook for christmas and is now working on the suggested activities in chapter 2.’s not often i say this, but em, you need to sit down and make an appointment with a professional as a matter of urgency. think, em, that whilst this is a ‘nice’ version of events for your ‘friend’ to give you, and whilst he obviously feels that he’s doing you a favour by painting the situation in a happy positive light, the truth is that you don’t feel very good about it. my experience too, ‘the difference’ that attracted them in the first place is the one they finally berate you with. the sad thing is i dont know what a good guy looks like. one of these guys went back to his exwife that he’d been legally divorced from for 4 years. sounds like he got the eum handbook for christmas and is now working on the suggested activities in chapter 2.’s the one where phoebe tells joey that she’s just finally slept with a guy who has being pursuing her, but they’ve agreed that he won’t speak to her again…she applies some effed- up hippy logic to this? i’m pretty sure i’ll need to hear this back in a few months. if he’s got photos of his ex right on his cell phone he’s not over her. they just jump from one ego stroke to the other, hoping someone else can fix them. truly did not miss her, nor me when i went. he’s the person who abandoned you when you were low for someone who was glossier and required less commitment and investment.“whan i was a child i thought as a child but when i became a man i put childish things behind me”. we think that because he is hurting for a good reason (a death) that we should wait for him to get better. but, in all honesty, right now i cba and i want to get myself to a point where i can push myself so that i’m living more fully and experiencing new things. never again, i will never again allow me to be disrespected. this insight really helped me to take off the rose coloured specs. you’ve made me realise that while i’m preparing to go out and date other guys, i’m still harboring the secret fantasy that ‘not over his ex’ , will suddenly morph into mr emotionally available and will suddenly tell me what a fool he has been and that i’m too good a catch to let go! he clearly showed me time and time again that he was not over his ex, i even looked for signs out of paranoia and jealousy (lord knows i found them).’d say stuff like “well if i wasn’t over my ex then i’d leave” or “if i wasn’t over my ex, i wouldn’t get involved with someone else” and then reason that ipso facto, they haven’t left and they did get involved with you, so they must be over their ex. i was so hurt and still am to some degree that i was so easy to walk away from., the point is, clearly, he could not move on, and it was obvious in the way he talked about her -- very complimentary.) the gist is, any unsuspecting woman he romances now is getting an ac who’s now also eu and committed to keeping a foothold in his ex’s (my) life!
fact is, he should never have been making out he was serious about a future with me when he hadn’t dealt with any of his issues around the previous g/f, and i should never have let myself take the bait hook, line and sinker. it will be no more than a bummer and you may or may not choose to remain friendly with him with no future expectations. “when people are addicted to an ex, they still feel like their ex is their person,” says bobby. but he wasn’t, and though it still hurts i know opting out was the right decision. diversion tactics highly manipulative narcissists, sociopaths and psychopaths use to silence you. he can’t get her name out without his eyes getting a little misty, it’s clear you have a problem on your hands. have pulled this ‘lets be friends’ on me three times now. we briefly went out together some five years ago, before finding out he wasn’t over his ex (an ex who btw was only using him as an ego stroke)..he/she spends a lot of time at his old house. story reminds me of one of the old re-run episodes of ‘ friends’. i don’t think it matters how much it’s about his ex and how much is about not being into you.. he/she gets a lot of texts from her/him. hope you will expand on the topics you blog and give women tips on how to navigate the terrain.. i still have this kind of thinking about mm too. maybe you’re enjoying yourself or have realised that a week or so has gone by without really thinking of them – it’s panic about rolling with it and letting go, so as if to make up for it, you go on thinking overload.. he/she isn't officially divorced yet, and is in no hurry whatsoever to have that happen. know that my only foray into dating sites, several years ago, made me ‘feel’ that i was out there,(in retrospect, i was still wearing the sticking plasters! believe we all live along a continuum of function/dysfunction, and that we should look out for warning signs that the person we’re contemplating is too far in the ‘dsy’ direction for a relationship to work., if a guy says he isn’t over his ex, believe him. she also writes feature stories, along with the weekly dating and relationships column, love essentially" for chicago tribune media group local publications.’m no expert and i haven’t talked to a man other than at the gas station or grocery store regarding dismay at the price of gas or food so please disregard if it doesn’t apply but your comment about having a “little moment of the terrors that usually accompany me starting any sexual activity with someone new…” caught my attention. he’s consistant, honest, dotes on me, does what he says he’ll do. finally, don’t trick yourself into thinking because there are challenges in this little dalliance that it’s somehow more meaningful than a guy who meets you with a genuinely open heart and clear mind. its funny that im realising this now, if i take this male friend as an example, i could be in a relationship with this type of man. thought is that getting “over it” is aiming at the wrong target. still remember the habit of holding it up for sympathy, before i knew sympathy wasn’t love, and wonder if i can feel ‘seen’ or loved without holding it up. a stranger sat across from me on the first date and told me that they liked me but no sex, no excusivity, no ltr and they, just wanted to be friends, it would be flush flush from me. he is from the us, and he’s moved to australia to live straight after this happened.(am i the only one who saw that classic episode of the tv show “friends”, where ross sleeps with another girl while he and rachel were supposedly on a “break”? you give a reason for this, which i suspect he has spoon-fed you. you’re making every part of life a potential theatre to reenact and sort out your or their childhood, when sometimes it’s as simple as the fact that when we’re born we cry to be fed. and this sad phenomenon has only been exasperated by online dating, which allows men access to countless more women who don’t want to have sex with them. i met the guy unexpectedly last friday, he is super good looking. you knew you would have to wait for him to come around, but months have passed and everything is still superficial; something is just missing. don’t envy this other woman, feel sorry for her. i am not upset when i don’t hear from him for 3 months but he is worth a limited amount of my attention. i might have a great time on a date, but i don’t like the pressure to ‘seal’ the evening with a kiss, or to be expected to cross that boundary that is going to mean expectations of kissing on every date after that. even after we broke up, i continued to do all the coulda woulda shoulda analysis for a while, trying to pinpoint what it was i did to make him fall out of love with me and back in love with her., though, i absolutely hear you on him doing the villainising thing – people like that always make themselves out to be the “victim” and everyone else to be horrible and/or wrong so that they themselves get to feel like they’re wonderful and/or right. getting involved with these men we perpetuate their lifestyles, we provide the proof that their relationship choices and styles are possible. they recovered any self esteem loss by moving on quickly to the next woman, i was one of these women because of my own emotional unavailability., you will be up and down, wholly understandable after this.” i’m sure the new gf would have loved that… apparently, she knew something about me, though, because he told me that she attended an event where i was presenting and actually said to him “i don’t know what you still see in her when i’m so much prettier., this is it, ace-lady, it’s not all about you, and it’s not all about them.’s either that they said they’re not over their ex, so you decide their actions say otherwise, or you see they’re not over their ex, but decide that they’ve said different – either way, nothing matches.. he/she makes an effort to tell you just how over it really is. in other words, it’s nice to have a human mop around but he still won’t admit his finger is even bleeding! just because someone hasn't moved on, that doesn't mean he/she wants to get back together. i wish i had of met him later on down the track 🙁. i wonder sometimes who the new person looking back at me in the mirror is, because i’m not the same person. i have been slanting all his actions through my own lens, which hopes that he is interested. i am aware that i am treading in territory for which i am not trained, but i do think, from my own experiences, that you have to be careful with bringing in a bucketload of meaning to new relationships. – it’s still a no-go area and that’s fine. he apologised for not telling me and said he was a coward. they managed to sew it back on but it’s still crooked. when your eum looks you in the eyes and tells you he wants nothing more than to be with you, look right back in to his and remind yourself that they are only words.
when he gave me the “not over my ex line” i told him that was ok as i’ve got a few other guys wanting to date me (not sure if that comes across as desperate or not). feel solid enough about myself, but in absolutely no rush to indicate to this person that i want something long-term.(lol),he starts to reminisce about his previous wife/girlfriends, sugar coating them, returning to when he idealised them. really wish him all the best, and i´m grateful for what he´s been to me over the past years. if one of the first pics that a guy volunteers to show me is one his ex…flush delete. was apalled when i read he told you that the new gf says she is prettier than you…. i saw a counsellor to try and understand why this relationship wasn’t working and why i couldn’t get what i wanted from him. i have kept thinking he is special, unique, sensitive, superintelligent, etc etc. ex eum, had had several relationships like ours, future faking, nice things, companionship, never, ever any concrete action. i went out with a guy on 5 dates who never made a move, so i stated my concern over this and then i stopped communicating with him. with all that i’ve learnt from reading br since breaking up last february, i hope it wouldn’t even come to being in that same situation today, as i would’ve run like the wind as soon as i knew he wasn’t over the ex – long before allowing myself or him to make it all about me when it actually wasn’t. i would cut off all contact, he sounds like he’s poisoning your life and the heaviest chain-smoker in the world wouldn’t deserve to be treated like that. everyone here has had something similarly disappointing, so you are among friends. then bam – i was an agoraphobic wreck who couldn’t even work and started smoking cigarettes which is something he never would have signed up for in any woman. he was wearing high-waisted khakis and had overgrown nose hairs, but he was really sweet, and was becoming funnier with every sip of punch i took. clearly he wasn’t “over her” but this behaviour made me uncomfortable and was one of the many red flags that i failed to act on. your quote: “finally, don’t trick yourself into thinking because there are challenges in this little dalliance that it’s somehow more meaningful than a guy who meets you with a genuinely open heart and clear mind. if i’m not over the ex, i would want him to understand/consider my perspective and not make it about him. the alky ac and my ex eum seemed strangely over their exes, too soon, without a backward glance,slagging these women off into history. if he realizes he’s not over his ex, i truly understand that it has nothing to do with me. it a go, you can always consult with us on here if you meet someone, collectively we all have enough experience with eums and acs to give you the right advice. by the way, i'm not saying people shouldn't stay friends with their ex's. him find somebody else to play the role of crash test dummy in his practice exercises. he could be the most amazing single guy in the world, respectful, honest, trustworthy, and caring but if i’m not over the ex, it would have nothing to do with how wonderful he may be or is. i love him in a completely different way from how i´ve loved others.“maybe he´s prepared me – i wasn´t over my bad breakup when i met him either – for real love. you aren’t a priority and he is telling you so. someone new can be scary in many ways, especially if you really start to develop feelings. you may even recognise that when you’re keen to avoid the hurt, it can feel oh so tempting to attach yourself to someone in the hope that they’ll distract, numb, or even excite, but you know that what they don’t do, is fix your breakup for you. with my last relationship, he talked of the bleeding finger, picked it, flung it around, got blood on me, his kids, took it to bed with us, etc.’t i been “emotionally unavailable” to my parents by hating them for their emotional and sexual abuse? we sleep with, socialise amongst and affirm them and in doing so we remove the word authentic from our daily lives. no one is that special that we need to make them the centre of our universe!’s like,”oh thank you for giving me some miniscule pieces of crumbs to manage me down”. he’s a man of leisure, yet in the two years i have known him, he’s never bought me a coffee…and here i am stupidly opening my wallet for a man that doesnt give a shit. except i was with him for a year and a half. this would then translate into you seeing potential and believing that they want you to be ‘patient’. even as he is telling me how messed up he is and still wrecked over his ex, he was asking me to stay.’s a distinct difference between beginning to date after getting out of a bad relationship and forcing yourself to date after ending a healthy relationship that you wish you were still in. i guess i still sound somewhat crazy to any healthy person. notice that recently i’ve been using a lot of analogies about open wounds on this site… rather a dire reflection of my state of mind! this period of vetting men i had a drinks date with a man who showed me pics of his ex girlfriend on his iphone! his breakup – which came out of the blue for him – happened almost two years ago. i’ve had to remind myself of this a few times as well: even if i remove my portion of ‘fault’ from things, there still remain some really undesirable character traits with this guy: he’s basically a selfish user. if i’m not over my ex that would be about me. in any case, i now know that even if he were the healthiest, happiest person on earth i still wouldn’t want to be with someone who a) runs away from his more difficult feelings b) doesn’t take responsibility for his role in relationship problems and c) is willing to say and do whatever it takes to feel better about himself and get his needs met (regardless of the cost to me). you need to respect your own feelings about this guy.’, but have learned to identify this reaction as nothing more than a habit, which i am happily trying to break. and exactly, jennynic…i felt convicted for crimes she committed! i’ve learned over the years is that a lot of men have trouble dealing with rejection. keeps dating, pretty manically, to see if he can find someone that he can fall so madly in love with that he can let go of his fear of commitment, a fear so deep-seated i would be surprised, but happy for him, if he was able to overcome it. eum of almost two years (27 year old man) wasn’t even over his *4th grade* crush, who he was never actually with. so you dive into each other, each of you hoping that this new relationship will help him forget about her. sounds like this d**che had the nerve to offer you the fallback card.‘who is this guy, he’s my hero, he has just slept with you and agreed never to contact you again!, it is no one’s business why you have been divorced for 12 years.
after i broke up with my verbally abusive ex-boyfriend, years ago, i fell in love with everyone who so much as held a door open for me..we had a huge fight which ended things in a bad way, but prior to that i was agreeing to his ‘5 months of no contact’, esentially he wanted a break from me and i agreed to it. questions to ask yourself if your new boyfriend doesn’t seem over his ex. it’s a sign of his sickness, his emotional unavailability. sometimes the idea of “getting out there” seems like torture, but you have to do it, because the alternative is a life of sitting home alone, eating bags of beef jerky while watching mob wives in your uncle’s hand-me-down sweatpants (something i’ve been doing regularly).. he/she is able to joke about things in the past pertaining to the ex.’re right that your way of interacting with the world is just as valid as anyone else’s and sometimes it’s just a bad fit between different personality types. you will make too many assumptions about their motivations and the meaning of their actions and even tell yourself that you know what they’re thinking – you don’t. so basically the current loss( a simple breakup) is really not as deep as it appears(which, i agree, know one actually died this time),but, it’s all the losses combined (previous deaths of loved ones/broken relationships b4 that one, and the one b4 that one, & the one b4 that1. suddenly so much of what i used to go for and expect (a certain kind of support, a certain kind of ego-stroke, admiration, someone to buy into my story) doesn’t really appeal to me. and it actually makes sense and is sensible so it already has the edge! by his actions i can tell he likes me mighty fine, so that’s not the issue. any toxic friend or otherwise that comes in my life treating me like crap, is going to be flushed away. i am actually just grappling with this issue now and talked about it in your previous post. you know for a fact he’s not over his ex but you still think you two could have something real, you have one main course of action that will help things to eventually work out: “give him time and space,” says bobby. wants a free shrink, and someone on whom he can test ideas/thoughts/theories out on first. the first time, i am not experiencing all that much relationship anxiety. i still feel kind of unavailable, and though thoughts of my ex are still around, i don’t think it’s all about not being over him., if i do take him for his word that he is not over his ex, should i:1) keep in contact with him as friends (with the chance that once he is ready to date, he’ll ask me out again), or. someone shares a piece of information with you that’s critical to the status or perception of your relationship, such as “i’m not over my ex”, first ask yourself what it means about them/your perception of them, and then ask what it means about the future of your relationship/the potential you had in mind. i don’t want to be anyone’s next in line girl..however, there comes a time when we have to say’ what does this mean for me today(this hour), in my life’. as the others said, three dates is and should be nothing more to you than a minor disappointment. now what is a minor dilemma is when someone asks me why i’ve been divorced 12 years, i dont know how to tactfully answer that. one day a new love might go, “hey, what happened to your finger? i thanked him for letting me know, and told him i’d still like to be friends. i think it’s also making a good point about avoiding taking on the responsibility for somebody’s else’s recovery because, after all, you can’t heal for someone else. it means crying unexpectedly or feeling a sudden surge of anger or a deep wave of sadness. isn’t saying that you should only date people who haven’t ever been hurt (which’d be approximately 0. next, naturally, he asked me if i was into threesomes., online dating is like any other venue to meet people.’s not like i can change the world of dating, but i think it’s a bit crazy the way we expect to be sucking face with someone we’ve only known for a handful of hours. he turned out to be a future faker to the highest level (told me he was taking me holiday for xmas), spoke about having more children, strung me along, managed me by text, we only met up at his convenience, consistently spoke about previous girlfriends and how many women he had dated and how they were either crazy or gold diggers. while many of these obstacles are surmountable—a couch potato-ish guy can happily get on your go-go-go level, for example—one in particular can turn into a deal breaker faster than you can say, “adios, dude. try taking this elephant in the middle of the living room on my fanny out on a date …. mr eum is out of the picture, but this male friend is like the smiling assassin. for instance, my teenage daughter is suffering from depression and even though the new guy wanted me to spend the night, i said no because i don’t want my daughter home alone overnight (even though she can and has done it). it’s just hard to believe that someone you put your all in to could completely turn his back and walk away. i don’t think having kissed someone on the first couple dates guarantees anything. in these recovering from ex’s scenarios, a positive affirmative answer to that, ‘i’m sorting myself out, i’m important’ keeps everything right. i must go back to reality of the situation and see it for what it is. i was going overseas for a month and the week before i left he started acting standoffish. someone wildly ringing a bell, this line caught my attention because you don’t do second best. as a kid, i accidentally shut the car door and cut off the tip of my little sister’s middle finger. if he eventually makes some headway and is ready to date seriously, chances are he’ll let you know. what was worse – i had been singing my ex’s praises – how special he was, what a great relationship we had, he was my first love etc etc! i have now been nc for 3 months and though it felt unthinkable at one time, it is absolutely the best and only way. genuine compassion for someone in a difficult situation does not always boil down to doing the easy thing, especially if you doing that, is more about keeping you in your own comfort zone – you may do more harm than good, including to yourself. is what being in love really means, because it’s not all sex and kisses.!If i’m honest, i think my ‘baggage’ finger is at about 80% closed up. he´s cut me off; i think, to let me back in when i no longer wish for that. and it’s hard to feel empathy for someone who sounds like he is having the best time of his life. someone who has herself been served the same bs in a cup, and called it chocolate ice cream and ate it up, i cringe to remember how someone could tearfully tell me they were “setting me free” or “having to let me go” “for my own good” and i bought it. because he's still looking at her Facebook doesn't mean he's not into you too..well there was this one time where after i forwarded a picture of me to a guy a friend had introduced me to via email some years ago, he replied saying he was getting back together with his ex. somewhere in there, the true me was fighting to hold on and i feel that slowly she is starting to come back.