Dating a guy who still lives with his ex

Dating a guy who lives with his ex

my boyfriend and his ex-wife were both developing new relationships, continuing the living situation became seriously awkward, and they decided it was time for a divorce. i’m saying that if he has to sleep at the ops place for a few months while the ex finds a new apartment, it’s a pretty small price to pay. tell the guy this looks dodhy – there might be a possibility of a future but the present is not good – no one should be involved in a relationship that brings more doubts, craziness and unhappiness. thing i will say is that a man who is happy in his relationship is very unlikely to go back to an ex or cheat. the red flag to me is that the ex gf doesn’t know about the new gf. intentionally he told me he was going to tidy the house up and put it on the market but he’s been struggling with jobs and financially he’s struggled so as i gather the ex pays most of the bills. is boyfriend really verifying that she’s making a good faith effort to get her finances squared away and move out, or is this a potentially interminable situation that he will let. forget what you have learned from your past experiences–that applies to every other life scenario except relationships. thinking about the mental gymnastics, the anguish assuming a man will cheat seems so exhaustive. they won’t necessarily tell you that you don’t make them feel like a great guy, but if that’s the case you won’t have a close, good relationship, and before you know it he’s distant and looking for someone else. the ex may be a bit crazy and unpredictable, so he’s trying to prevent an opportunity for a blowup., i know your frustration, because i have a bf like this too. but does anyone consider that the gentleman might still be involved with his ex? i will not go so far to say he is a bad guy, i certainly think there is deception, especially since he is leading the old girlfriend to believe that he is not dating. so i simply just ignore her but it leaves an akward feeling between the ex and me. the ex knows she’s an ex and understands the generosity being handed to her, then she won’t mind and introduction to the new girlfriend. sometimes he would bring the kids as well, as i refused to give up my relationship with them regardless of his ex-wife's desires. when i asked him when is she moving out, he just said, “maybe the end of the year”, which is still 4 months away.  this guy just is not ready for a committed relationship. me get this straight: you knew about his living situation to begin with, he’s leaning towards altering his living situation, and you’re upset about his living situation? myself in your shoes, op, i probably wouldn’t be comfortable with an open ended arrangement like this. you had to live with your ex, maybe you’d prefer to parade your new bf around in front of him, but i like to think i have a little more concern for others’ feelings than that. to say less than 10 months thought b/c the ex gf moved in when she and the op’s bf were together. the guy is really that generous, i am truly surprised and good for the ex. i could quite literally smell her while having sex with my boyfriend, i decided, fuck it, if she comes up here and sees what we are doing, maybe she will finally have had enough and that will be the end of it all.. maybe the ex girlfriend does not care to meet the new person he is dating.’s actually a good exit strategy to let a distrustful woman know that he’s leaving her for someone else because his behavior validates her world view (that men can’t be trusted) and he can count on her self-righteous anger to nail that relationship coffin shut. it sounds a little out there i know, but if you could change your attitude towards this around, you would definitely start having better experiences.  in this day and age where it is not particularly easy to find someone who we adore mentally, physically, spiritually along with other variables such as right timing, etc…i think if a person finds someone with all of these parameters but there are one or two issues where you are not even sure if they are issues, you may want to figure out the answer first instead of just moving along and leaving that person behind.  this is not a good way to start a healthy relationship. all else fails, i’m letting my boyfriend try on the pantsuit, since hillary’s balls are bigger than his. i had no idea that publicly acknowledging someone as an official girlfriend meant parading her in front of the ex. i do what i have to do to find out what they’re not going to tell me (because last time i checked cheaters were also pretty good liars, so just having a guy tell you he’s not cheating doesn’t mean he’s right!  how many guys can actually afford to pay the rent for 2 bedrooms in nyc, let alone pay the mortgage of a 2br by himself in nyc. you’re right,” instead of restating the exact same misguided thing you wrote above about how i’m advocating you date an untrustworthy man. i don’t go into my relationships assuming the guy is a lying, cheating scumbag, as people seem to think must be my mo. he shouldn’t have to “walk on eggshells” around his ex-gf in his own place.’s great for you, clare, if that has been your experience. who knows, maybe you’ll one day be the beneficiary of this gentleman’s extraordinary patience and generosity. b/c the op hasn’t even proven that she’s been in his life long enough to get introduced to any of his friends, let alone decide who can stay in his home, for how long, and for how much rent.  he is still entangled emotionally with her and he is being sneaky, no ifs, ands, or buts." perhaps some life coach/business coach said it in a different context, but if so, i didn't kno…"evan marc katz on breaking the six deadly dating patterns – an interview with dr. live feedloading tweets by @evanmarckatz…you said"just to modify what i stated above, a man doesn't have to be up front about wanting nsa sex to not be manipulative.. i have had to much life experience, i guess, to not question a situation like this.  i just hope you figure out what his motivation is sooner rather than later. if we ask them about it (and let’s assume we ask in a mature, non-confrontational way), then that’s admitting we’re having trust issues, a big no-no on this site because it will shatter the trust you had if your partner wasn’t cheating. btw the guy has the night time ex girlfriend and day time new one, to me he is sleeping with both, in different times, that is why he doesn’t want the women’s to know each other.

Dating a guy who still lives with his ex

other than him not immediately telling her about his living arrangement (when, exactly, was he supposed to discuss this? i see nothing in op’s letter that indicates that the boyfriend has an inappropriate relationship with his ex, but these short-term situations have a funny way of becoming long-term situations. my mother is like this and frankly it can frustrating to deal with someone who is a ‘bleeding heart’. i would hang back if i was her and be cautious, don’t invest too much in this guy until there is clarity about the ex and how much he wants his new girl in his life."thanks to evan, i finally feel like i'm exactly where i want to be in life. him not telling her about you and making sure you guys don’t run into each other? i am not a fan of those kinds of demands unless the ppl in question are doing something beyond just existing…as in, are you just mad b/c your bf has a close female friend, or is she deliberately cold to you? get it: it’s certainly inconvenient – for both you and him – to have her in his space, but, if your relationship is strong, this arrangement won’t last forever. the guy kicks the woman out of the bedroom so much she has to have a make shift bedroom just to get sleep on the nights he don’t want to recycle her for sex.  i’ll take him over the guys i dated before who lived alone–but were jerks, players, etc.. not a psychopath/liar/player) when “he calls when he says he will call,” “does what he says he will do,” “makes an effort,” and “treats you like gold,” all quotes from this same relationship author.” however, after four experiences with seemingly decent good guys that i found out had, in fact, cheated (but only after they told me they were leaving me for someone else), i decided i respected myself too much to be walked on and used again. and if you truly believe this statement that “most men cannot articulate why they’re unhappy in a relationship to that level of detail — they only know they’re stressed and unhappy in a relationship…. i was going to agree with you that him not introducing his new girl to his live-in ex was a huge red flag, but then you gave the example of how you were with your ex, so now i’m thinking maybe the boyfriend is doing the same thing. in this transitional period, i would not introduce a new guy to the ex for several reasons:1. will this ex still be in his life or will he cut her out? in a moment of passion, the least sexy thing to think about is that your boyfriend's wife might come up the stairs.  but at the same time, after 6 weeks of dating, no one can determine if this relationship will last any longer. if anything, the way he treated his ex and his desire to have his son stay close made him seem even better to me. on second month, he introduced me to his friends and family. pretty sure this ex didn’t move in after she and bf broke up. do you think he’s capable of “insulting” her by walking away from proferred sex? perhaps his ex knows he is seeing other people, but he finds no reason to have the two meet. are women expected to date men with a lower educational level? apt is amy’s bf’s place, the ex-gf needs to respect his space, not the other way around because she’s living off his good will already. other thing that your argument completely omits is that a good man, the sort of man you would want to be with, when he senses that you trust him implicitly (and here, i am not talking about childilike, naive blindness which is what you describe it as – i am talking about adult trust where you not only trust him to make good decisions, you also trust yourself to know how to act in the face of any situation, and hence you know you’ll be ok) – a good man then strives to earn this trust. at times i get frustrated because i want to be able to go to his house and enjoy those moments together. i am suggesting that every man start with a clean slate, and be judged on his actions within the relationship, not your fears of what might happen.  if it’s a red flag for someone not to introduce a girlfriend to their friends why is it not a red flag to avoid telling the live in ex?  and if by that time, you still do not think he is worth 100% of your trust, you end it.  the boyfriend is clearly wealthy if he can afford to buy a condo in nyc with his salary. am in a similar situation met a great guy we have a fantastic relationship and his ex is now living in a separate room in his house. but i would not be happy with his “maybe by he end of the year” response. he would look through my phone and facebook which he had frequent access to since we were still living together in order to find out who i was seeing. at what point are we allowed to take charge of our own lives, do what we need to do to get to the bottom of it (even if that means snooping or following them), to arm ourselves with enough information to make an educated decision about whether to stay or leave? Facebooktwitterpinterestsmittenreader's dilemma: should i date a guy who still lives with his ex? if the pest guy comes to my house a few times and nothing goes missing, then i’ll trust him. on the whole “nice guy” topic, i’m married to one. knows, maybe you’ll one day be the beneficiary of this gentleman’s extraordinary patience and generosity. while a few men may have cheated on me, almost all of the men that i have dated have done quite well in the communication department and i would never categorize them this way. you can either believe he is a good person and the ex will be out of there in a few months. but i’m not going to trust the ex one bit.  but i would definitely want to know what the plan is: is she saving up for a down payment so she can buy her own place (how long is this likely to take), is she hunting for rentals and when one that meets her criteria becomes available she will move or are they both comfortable with the status quo for an indeterminate amount of time? only been 1 month and she’s already planning a ltr with this guy? she violates every rule she instilled about having significant others at their shared home.  a lot of guys just don’t want marriage, at least not until after 6 months of dating.!, yes they don’t mind the ex dating someone else, as long they can live for free for a while and oblivious the ex getting sex as a payment,  which they don’t care.

Sie sucht ihn familie

IT HAPPENED TO ME: My Boyfriend Lives With His Ex-Wife

  but this just screams, “separated not divorced guy looking for short-term flings without lt commitment. partner still lives with his girlfriend of 15 years and they own a house…. i’m not talking about “parading ” new girlfriend in front of the ex, or rubbing the new love into the face of the ex… far from it.  isn’t it to be expected that you will date other people 10 months after a breakup? sussman, a relationship therapist and author of "the breakup bible: the smart woman's guide to healing from a breakup or divorce", says she started seeing more instances of ex-couples co-habitating when the recession started back in 2008. i think this is a trap some people fall into when they meet so often–they get carried away and think they’ve been dating for ages even when they haven’t. for us non-cop/non-military daters, we don’t need to live our lives every day in fear that our trust is going to kill us. as far as i know, i am the one who tells women they are the "ceo of their own love lives. these things happen, and i think after six weeks of dating i would not assume that the author is the ‘girlfriend’ of this guy. lived with my ex in our co – owned house for 9 months after we split up, it was for financial reasons and we have a child together. my relationships ended because *i* ended them (all except 1 in my 20’s). he’s seen everything on this blog, including my responses, and he agrees with me 100%.  of course every relationship is different, and this guy might be sincere in his plans for the future, but you should ask him if he wants a long term relationship with you, or if he just wants some quick fling. "needless to say, seeing your ex on a daily basis is really hard, especially if you still have feelings for him or her," she said. all along i’ve been saying the same thing as you when you state that a man “be judged on his actions within the relationship. woman i know didn’t trust any guy she dated; she was constantly accusing and snooping.. if this woman feels very uncomfortable in this situation(which she does), then i think this man should listen if he cares to keep her a budding romance. do i get a guy to make a move after i rejected him once?  i don’t think he owes his ex anything emotional at this point.  in any event, this would make a very uncomfortable situation for me. week, another reader wondering if a guy's behavior is a red flag. i would be interested to know whether he is keeping things deliberately a bit casual, or whether he is moving the relationship forward enthusiastically, as i think this says a lot about his intentions and where he is at. know myself,  and his providing for another woman while dating me just brought out the stress and the worst in me.  one huge thing that helped me feel more comfortable with it was my boyfriend introducing me to his ex, and not hiding me like a dirty secret. week later he had a special event to attend and he had to let me know because of facebook that he’d taken his ex because it was nice for her birthday?  amy finds this rich boyfriend with a condo, and wants to keep him because he’s wealthy. next morning, as i crept down the stairs feeling accomplished, her door was open and i could see her face as each step creaked louder. depending on the circumstances, i might tell him to give me a call once the ex has moved out but that until then i wouldn’t feel so comfortable with dating him. up is hard to do, as the song goes, but it's even harder when you've signed a lease or taken out a mortgage with the dreaded ex and find yourself trapped with them once the relationship's done. so it isn’t just that her boyfriend is helping his ex out financially, it’s that he is still trying to protect her on an emotional level, perhaps at amy’s expense. you take it will depend on how he reacts to your notifying him that she still has feelings for him. when one person is still tied to a former partner, even if only (or especially) by a shared living space, the new relationship exists in a kind of gray area, or at least it would for me.  isn’t it nice to have a guy who can let a woman live rent free for 12 months? i will continue to lock my doors at night and i will continue to be aware of the possibility that ignorance of the facts of life, that bad people do exist, can break your heart at best, kill you at worst. why is it expected that you will trust someone 100% at first sight, but someone who says they love someone and see a future together after six weeks gets blasted off the page?  i’d love to hear the advice if the situation was switched around and amy was living with her ex.  if they were, then why would he not bring his new girlfriend around? i have to say i agree about the ‘not telling the ex red flag’.  i just don’t see this relationship lasting longer than 3 months, and he will dump her by then. he said he’d sort his ‘shit’ out and we still saw each other until 2 months ago….  even, if he is a good-guy, she shouldn’t waste her time on someone who won’t publicly acknowledge her as his official girlfriend. blech…when i moved on from my ex, he could have showed up with the entire hugh heffner entourage and i wouldn’t care because i moved on. that should be something for you to think about, instead of stewing in your own juices that this guy is sacrificing for someone he cares about but is no longer dating., the fact that the boyfriend and the ex are still living together implies that the break-up is very recent, so i’d be concerned that one or both have not moved on. just wanted to write exactly the same words as you.. some of us have had  a version of this same situation in one way or another, over and over. i did think it was strange he hadn’t brought her over to his place and introduced her to his ex/roommate, but then i saw, they’ve only been dating 6 weeks!

She's dating a guy who lives with his ex - The Boston Globe

Living with an ex: practical, or 'really, really toxic'? -

point, of course, is that, while this may be semantics, they are important semantics..Would you rather give him an ultimatum to kick her out or continue to enjoy this relationship for four months, with him sleeping at your place?. i would definitely pull back from this situation until i could get a clearer reading on exactly what their relationship is. it’s nyc, odds are the apartment isn’t big and it would be awkward for the ex to be sharing the bathroom for the new gf. a person can set a deadline whilst still being a kind and generous individual. are a couple of things that would concern me here: the first is the vagueness of the comment that the ex will be out by the end of the year.  i want to more details about the guy, but there is more to this story. the end of the day if you don’t trust the guy i think it’s already over.  but sometimes i really get this double standard from you. but what everyone keeps missing here is that i’m not saying to a guy on our first date, “hi, i’m wendy, and i don’t trust you. oh, and i use the word ex-wife lightly, as the two are not officially divorced; they are separated. but i do know that the question i would have about the guy you’re seeing isn’t about whether he’s up to anything fishy, but simply whether he has the balls to give his ex a deadline for getting her act together and moving out. problem is i started wondering why he didn’t invite me to his apartment, which he owns and isn’t far from my place. if you are dating someone, then you can fairly say that only one of your relationships has succeeded, and who knows if this current one will even make it to the finish line? you are indeed his gf as you think, and the only reason she’s still living with him is for financial reasons, which implies they no longer have a relationship where he’s obligated to worry about her being jealous of you — then he should introduce the both of you and let that galvanize her into moving out. i met a guy online and we hit it off really well. yes, you will not have much success on this blog – or in relationships – if you don’t trust your partner. while this may be plausible, can’t it also be plausible that he is merely being a good guy who is no longer with his ex due to certain reasons, but still cares about her well-being, wants the best for her, and is kind enough to protect her broken heart by not shoving his new girl in her face?  this was about a possessive girl who is trying to turn a “casual relationship” into something with a future. because i was at my ex’s place, i asked my bf to stay in the car while i did what i had to do to not rub it in my ex’s face that i was dating. we have great times together, but the only problem is him leaving his situation. he doesn’t want the environment in his home even more uncomfortable with his old girl meeting his new… especially if the ex is still single or if he is the one who initiated the break-up.  how can a single man afford all this, and let his ex-gf live there rent free for 10 months. my client took this as a sign that he had terrible financial judgment. so maybe you should back off of being “sure” and consider the possibility that what the op wrote is actually what’s happening – he is not kicking his ex out until she can afford her own place, and he is not bringing another woman over out of politeness and deference to his ex. unless a relationship ends via cheating, which normally causes bad feelings in the cheated upon… both people in the relationship usually still harbor feelings of like and love for the other person. he says he has no feelings for her, but she's still in love with him.” as evan mentioned, “…if i’m a trustworthy guy and you don’t treat me like i’m trustworthy, i’m out the door.  i won’t just give it to a guy because i started dating him 6 weeks ago. the kid actually had the audacity to tell his mom they were meant for me, not her.  the people who do this are willing to put their current partner in an awkward situation and behind another person’s needs.  maybe ex-girlfriend still harbors feelings for him and he knows it and doesn’t want to upset her. we’ve exchanged “i love you’s”, we’ve met each other’s parents, gone on vacations together and…. other awful situation is i do know the ex (not very well) and his family and see them and they don’t know we’ve been in a relationship either. i wouldn’t want to doubt the guy’s intentions, or make him feel badly about his good deed. even if you catch him in the actual act of having sex with another woman, if he tells you he’s not cheating, you must trust him. i expressed my frustrations countless times, but my boyfriend did not feel comfortable leaving the house and potentially forfeiting living with his children. since then, he's invited me over to his place, but i've been avoiding it—what if she comes home? as someone else said, the fact that the ex is still living in the house means that the relationship is just finished so one wonders whether the guy is ready for a new relationship or he just wants to play. the ex is being a mooch at the very least. because of my past experiences it takes me a little longer than it might for a “100% truster,” but i do get there. he became involved with someone else while he was still living the house, i think she was very insecure about him living with me and eventually they moved in together. and what if the guy is out late because he’s shopping for an engagement ring?  a guy i dated in ’09 found an old belt of my ex from years prior and i heard about that belt for at least a month. hah, this is a huge red flag, that this guy might not be ready for a relationship, just got out of a serious relationship, and wants some fun short-term hookups.@evan: actually, there is a test for this kind of stuff.’m not quite understanding the part where he always has to stay over at her place for the next couple of months.

Is it wrong to hook up with a drunk girl

The 10 signs that reveal if his ex is still on his mind | Daily Mail Online

have to side with evan on this one, due to a similar situation i will most likely be going through. i pulled on his head, and tried to grab my clothes because my heart was literally going to fall out of my chest any second now and not because i was getting oral sex. once i arrived, he had broken up with her two months earlier; however, she still lives with him, tags him in facebook statuses, and has herself listed as "in a relationship.  in fact, my boyfriend cleared out space in his bedroom and bathroom drawers for me to keep my things in, so i didn’t have to keep carrying them back and forth from my place. but if i check his computer before he’s had that head’s up and see raunchy emails from some other girl, i’m gone. example, i seem to tend to pick men who have unhealthy relationships with money, either too cheap or too careless with it.  it just sounds to me that this boyfriend just wants to play around with the “separated not yet divorced mindset., it’s time for your non-boyfriend to change his living situation.  men would get the first look at some exes boxers on the floor and amy would be sitting there with no returned phone call wondering what happened binging on sex & the city & dryers! i am about to throw myself into bad light, but i had never had a guy, be it my ex or present boyfriend who did anything without some sort of expectations back. and even if we believe he’s a saint, i’m not inclined to believe it of the ex-gf.  his bedroom is one floor above hers, so we can just stay up there to hang out.  i hate to tell you this, but women easily fall in love with rich attractive guys, and then they get mad when those feelings aren’t reciprocated. the problem isn’t his living situation — the problem is that you pretended to be ok with his living situation because you didn’t think it would matter that you weren’t okay with it, in the long run. see, dating is this process whereby two people spend time together to form an opinion as to whether or not they share common interests, enjoy each other’s company, and bond over shared experiences. 2 months after my divorce with my ex was finalized, i had to go over to his place to either drop off something or pick up something and my bf came with me. are lazy in this regard,” then i feel sorry for you. i'm understanding of their situation, my sympathy only extends a certain distance., most of us are not in a profession where our lives are on the line every day. once a guy has earned my trust, it’s a wonderful thing. if he was dating this girl for years, they move in together, break-up, and a few months later he is dating again, would he be a nice guy you’d want to date if he kicked her out? and it is not at all a reflection of how i feel towards this man. could no longer handle him staying in with his ex on saturday nights etc and not seeing me and being a secret any longer so ended it. this is like two full suitcases and a carry-on of crazy. just because i don’t trust a guy 100% within the first five minutes of meeting him doesn’t mean i’m scrolling through his phone the first time he goes to the mens room. i waited 6 months while my boyfriend let his ex “save up” to move out. that’s an excellent comparison to why an honest guy should put up with being mistrusted. we didn’t introduce them, because if we were honest we still did have feelings for each other – we just weren’t going forward with them further. we each told other people about the existence of an ex in the house.  however, his house is also pretty large so it might not be the exact same situation here (which is an apartment and presumably has less space to work with).-only access to exclusive offers, events, contests, ebooks, and more. keep writing ridiculous questions like this: “so we’re supposed to trust them, even if they are, in fact, cheating? he came to my house we went to bed when we grabbed hands i felt his wedding ring. – you don’t know anything about this guy either and you are making a lot of assumptions yourself.  poster didn’t indicate whether they were exclusive or not. so my picker works as my exhusband wanted to save the marriage; my last two bf’s still want to get back together with me. the kids were sleeping, so we went upstairs, it got late, things got hot and he started giving me oral sex. our first night and the guy wanted me to abandon my best friend to go see him.  i guess we’rw not seeing the entirety of the situation but is he keeping new girl from other people in his life? he expressed interest in dating but was currently living with his girlfriend.@julia keep trusting that is a good thing but doesn’t mean his not cheating. why does everyone keep missing this fact and jumping to the conclusion that i’m a stalky, sneaky emotionally unhealthy psycho-bitch? i didn’t want to make his decisions for him, but i could feel smoke coming out of my ears every time i tried to point out that she was obviously taking advantage of him (and interfering with our relationship) and could not get him to see what was right in front of him. lw says he’s her “bf” so we’ll have to assume they’ve had the exclusivity talk. red flag isn’t that he’s still cohabitating with his ex, but rather that he hasn’t told his ex about you. think that is one of the things in this guy’s defence..Bethenny frankel and husband jason hoppy are still living together, even though they are divorcing.

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He's separated & still living with his wife. do you get involved?

gena kaufmanjuly 1, 2013 1:34 pmpinterestfacebookanother week, another reader wondering if a guy's behavior is a red flag. if you can’t trust the men in your life, you will not have much luck on this blog. she hasn’t told her ex abt u, u can’t visit when she’s there – i wiuldn’t allow him to visit me either – the nologer desperate me thinks we deserve better.  but going out of his way to avoid meeting entirely?  he eventually brought the op to the apartment, presumably when the ex wasn’t there. i don’t “treat men as if they were untrustworthy until they actually do something untrustworthy,” another a direct quote from this author which i’ve interpreted to mean it’s normal behavior. we’re not supposed to give guys the impression we don’t trust them, then how is this statement saying i do trust you? mike byhoff, who lived with his ex for three weeks after breaking up, said they ended up becoming good friends as a result.“maybe in exchange for free rent, he gets some extra benefits from this ex-bf.), or maybe in exchange for free rent, he gets some extra benefits from this ex-gf. since she was the mother of his child and he would rather his kid stay in the city they lived in than have her move 2 hours away back with her parents until she had the funds for another down payment. we don’t know if this is a gf of  1 month or 3. a good man loves the idea of the man he sees reflected in the eyes of a trusting woman, and strives to live up to this.  in time, the whole thing will resolve itself if you become an important part of his life and he values how you feel. and i will continue to be cautiously optimistic with new relationships until a man has earned my trust through his actions as we move through the dating process. i do think it is a little bit of a flag that he was not up front about his living arrangements.  i rushed through everything as fast as i possibly could in order to reduce his waiting time. most people take this as a serious violation of their privacy. means, either way, she needs to be gone from his place for the lw to have peace of mind. it this way, vigilant people, who would you want to be in a relationship with? joshua gaylord and his then-wife purchased the apartment above their own pad in queens with plans to turn it into an office. it’s one thing to have a kind and generous boyfriend and another to have a guy who can’t or won’t set the right boundaries and priorities.” i’ve never done this and never said that i do so please stop putting words in my mouth! i moved closer to his house so we could make it work more easily., from where i sit, this sounds like a sweet, generous, sensitive guy. we didn’t last but his ex had nothing to do with it. reply to kathy’s comment was somewhat facetious (okay, maybe a lot) based on the “100% trust at all times” message that i’ve received from this blog.  why does he care so much what his ex-gf thinks?  he might be a nice guy or he might just be trying to sow his wild oats with young naive bimbos on tinder. if he’s platonic with the ex-gf, why keep the new girl a secret?  the letter writer doesn’t say he lied about anything, only that he was reluctant to describe his living situation, but when the (nosy) op pressed him on it he admitted what it is. walking out on a guy like this without proof of anything could be the worst mistake of my life. in this world, men are not to be trusted, and any situation where a man went back to his ex means that all men want to go back to their exes.  but it doesn’t justify a guy treating a woman like nothing more than a weekend bang. however i do have a friend who went through a similar thing recently – the guy she was dating still lived with his ex, and he swore there was nothing between them, and initially that seemed to be true. the guy i’m dating has been trying to bring me to gatherings/events where his friends are from the time we began dating, but i’ve never tried to bring him to meet my friends, because i think having mutual friends can make relationships messy.  this boyfriend owns a 2 bedroom condo on a single man’s salary, and he is letting his ex-gf live there for free while she works nights (waitressing or dancing?), she doesn’t seem to express concern about his behavior. i know this is a ramble, but i’m just lost and confused. i might have to rethink the relationship, if the end of the year came and went and the old girlfriend was still around., you mean there’s no test for this kind of stuff? so i should trust the guy who sent me that email yesterday telling me i won 0,000 in a random drawing?  as i explained to him, it’s not that i minded the wait though if he had waited a few more minutes, i would have come out and we could all have gone together. what if he bought new underwear because he decided his awesome girlfriend deserves to be with a decent guy who dresses properly? other option is to believe that he’s serious (if they’re parting, then the ex is likely no threat, especially if he ended it. > blog > communication > my boyfriend shares an apartment with his ex but says it’s platonic.  i was also annoyed that i didn’t rate even a simple text to let me know he was leaving.

He Lives with His Ex. Is This a Mindf***?

’s happened to me several times, too, and i’ve been floored when the guy finally comes out and tells me he’s leaving and has met someone new. he no longer wants to date his ex, but given her financial circumstances, he feels bad throwing her out on the street. he doesn’t talk about his living situation because he thinks that you don’t want to know.  but she also realizes she has competition from his pre-existing live-in girlfriend.. maybe the guy may not want to make an awkward living situation even more awkward. she then told my bfriend while i am not there she thinks i am still having a affair with  my ex who is also living with me and he does not bring up our past relationship when my bfriend visits and she thinks i am insecure. you know is that you “feel” that something is off because he hasn’t told his ex-girlfriend about the new girl he’s dating.  there are men out there who leave their exes where they belong… in the past. he says that there’s nothing between him and his ex, and that they’ve both established that they are better off as friends. i can see this living situation being a (very) temporary solution to a problem, but it’s been well over a year, they’ve had plenty of time to figure out plan b. lost his cool about your male friend while he actually lives with a former romantic interest who still lists him as her boyfriend publicly. in a perfect situation, the ex would have moved out shortly after the breakup, but not every situation is black or white., adult men (and women) give unconditionally, without expectation of return. i don’t know why the “pro-trust” folks on this site are so “all or nothing” about it. so my next guy will have to have a healthy relationship with money. if the op doesn’t feel she can trust him over this, then say so (to him) and move on. my boyfriend sleeps upstairs in a loft area so if she were to come up the stairs, we would be completely exposed.  i have a friend who recently found herself in the same situation as the ex.  she can wait it out and hope he eventually proposes, or she should think about dating other guys. she knows you still live here, and that’s a big thing., this situation is not quite ideal, but i’ve decided that his consistent kindness is worth some temporary inconvenience.  but, this ‘deference’ could only be possible if there was an implication that he was disrespecting the ex or offending her.’s expensive, way too expensive to be sure, but ppl just cut in other areas to make it work., he co-parents (so goop) his two children with his ex-wife, and when we met, living together was still the best option for them in order to make that successful. admits she is still in love with him yet continues to live with her and doesn't think this is a problem? maybe parading is new girl would be a slap in the face for the ex.’ and half the time the ex isn’t really an ex at all. while ago my famous ex boyfriend lawyer stop to have sex with me because he needs to do some therapy to find himself, well he end up leaving me for the therapist, and end up she is a lesbian with s girlfriend,  she used him, well he deserved call,  karma lol. sometimes it’s a bad thing and i guess it depends if this is a flaw you can live with. tv star bethenny frankel is the latest celeb to speak out about the situation: she's still sharing her new york city apartment with estranged husband jason hoppy, though the pair are getting a divorce., where exactly are the places in nyc that a single man can buy a 2 bedroom condo, that is near the subway? per your advice, it’s around this time when a man should ‘man up’ in your life.  all she said is that “he is a great catch” – all we know he is rich enough to buy a 2 br condo, and rich guys can do a lot to impress a woman.  i would say that at 6 weeks it is still too early for him or her to get serious and monogamous. you meet a guy who has been nothing but consistent and kind for the past two months. am i reading too much into it all or is this a bag of crazy? think what the op amy is asking is really is there a future with this guy and can she trust him? he’s her bf, he needs to prioritize her needs over his ex’s. guys have cheated on me since, but now i don’t waste my time on them; they don’t deserve me. has mentioned moving out and buying his own place, and says he is ready to leave because of the tension at home (i can only imagine). op, once you spend some time to get a good sense of his character and it is indeed true that he is just being a nice guy, the question to ask is if it is at your expense, can you handle it? ex lived with me and my girls for a year and a half.  don’t be naive, this bf makes serious money, at a wall street firm. it’s not too far fetched that comfort he gives her leads to sex. i were in amy’s situation, we had reached boyfriend/girlfriend status i would expect that ex to find out about me in short order. to me, it’s not clear that the op and this guy actually are boyfriend/girlfriend or have some kind of commitment to each other. of course we want the right to keep valued exes in our life.

15 Guys to Avoid Dating at All Costs | The Huffington Post

and before you ask me how i’d like it if a guy did that to me, i’d say bring it on. a good friend of mine right now is oblivious to the fact that his wife has been carrying on an affair for probably a year now (i know the guy she’s seeing, too, and i hate the situation it’s put me in having to watch it all unfold). i have been married 4 years to a guy that makes me laugh almost everyday.  i really sensed no jealousy from her whatsoever and she really seemed happy for him that he has a new girlfriend, like any of his other friends.  he doesn’t seem like he’d cheat on her–besides, he and his ex are barely even awake at the same time! no one is suggesting you go down a dark alley naked with a rape me sign (except for you in your poorly considered parallels). a relationship author, i took the time to do a survey on the ‘ex factor’ to study how people feel about having exes involved in a current relationship.  he must have really loved his ex-gf to allow her to pick his condo at open-houses. are you more likely to believe bob when you ask him if his lawn care service is the best, or 30 reviews that says bob’s lawn care is the best? her ex-husband and kids loved me and were spending a lot of time with me, often leaving her as the outsider.  yes, the fact that he cares about his ex-gf is wonderful, but he shouldn’t do that at the expense of his new gf, who should be his future. i don´t like them to be walked all over by everone, their ex-girlfriends, their co-workers, their famiiles etc. the ex can’t do this, then she doesn’t deserve his generosity.@karmic: “you’re going to equate a man you’re dating, someone you might consider falling in love with, with a pest control guy you’ve never met? this new poster isn’t his gf of a year.’ve never given anything to a woman with an expectation of getting something in return. for example, did they all want to be exclusive quickly? it’s happened to me more than once, and as a result, i’m cautious about getting involved with people who still have an ex actively in the picture, unless there are children involved.  sometimes it’s slightly at my expense, that’s all.  example: once, my husband, then boyfriend, left me in the parking lot of a grocery store for 20+ minutes without any communication., divorce papers were finally signed and supposedly she is moving out in the next month or so. i don’t consider him my boyfriend, only because i don’t feel comfortable saying that he is because of his living arrangement. no one is suggesting he be unkind to the ex, but suggesting that a man or woman keep a new boyfriend/girlfriend a secret is just wrong. so my bfriend and his ex are very good friends but not in a relationship now she is angry and ignore me and does not speak to me when i visit there and my bfriend does not want to choose sides between us. close proximity, and let’s assume as you do, that he broke up with her, don’t you think that she could get a little weepy and vulnerable one night and need his shoulder to cry on.  there is a reason why this man did not tell his ex about you and there is a reason why you have never met her., the ex-gf has been living in the apartment for 10+ months. start asking, because you love this man, and it’s time to figure out what’s next. he hasn’t told his ex about his new girlfriend, and there is absolutely no reason for him to do so, if (and only if) she is truly his girlfriend (in his mind), he is over his ex, and she is living there on a roommate basis. they live in a world of fantasy where the right guy always does what you want him to do, and has no previous entanglements that can potentially complicate his life. she doesn't move out this time, i will definitely have to reconsider my relationship with my boyfriend. she can always tell him to look her up when the ex is gone. i really enjoyed that she differentiated that expecting and hoping…"alessandra on breaking the six deadly dating patterns – an interview with dr. continued, and i could smell her cigarette as she smoked on the patio just below the window next to me.  most days his nice-guy persona makes me feel lucky, but sometimes i feel like he’s too busy helping everyone else to make quality time for the people who (should) really matter to him. of course it’s inconvenient when a partner has a prominent ex. i think putting it in list form will help lay it all out:While he still had a girlfriend, he expressed interest in dating you. it really is what it is in this case, and i’m ok with it for the most part.  then he is either immature or he still has some feelings for the ex. i thank evan for his advice and insight, his reading recommendations, and his encouragement through this process!'s not alone in her predicament — real housewives of atlanta star portia williams recently revealed she and her soon-to-be-ex-husband are also still living together while they sort out their divorce, and fellow bravo reality star vicki gunvalson remained roommates with her ex-husband long after their split.  at best, he’s too afraid to of his ex-gf. my current boyfriend was afraid to tell his ex about me because he did not want to hurt her feelings which i did not care much, but after spending one night at his place and him being nervous because she might stop by, i told him that i am not exclusive with him until he talks to her. if this guy really likes this woman, he will make it work out for his “new girlfriend”, not his old girlfriend. as long as he doesn't overtly lie about his intentions, that's fine. i was married, if i ever got a hint that an ex was in the picture i’d move on. at some point this ex will know about you but when is he going to tell her?

Reader's Dilemma: Should I Date a Guy Who Still Lives With His Ex

Live With Your Ex? Don't Tell Your New Date | Christy Goldstein

if ppl were reading they’d clearly understand that if the ex gf has been in the apartment rent-free for 10+ months that when she moved in, they were probably dating.”  so he can string a girl along, and have a convenient excuse not to commit.  what is he trying to prevent by keeping his current gf a secret from his ex-gf?  the op needs more data on this guy to make an informed decision. what exactly do i need to do to “prove” to you that i’m not a serial killer, liar, player, or sociopath.  there have been other such occasions but this was probably the worst. came in the most fantastic way imaginable and i fell asleep next to my boyfriend, my heart still beating like a madwoman. third month, he gave me the key to his loft.  why must he lie (omit the truth, spin the truth, whatever you prefer to call it) to protect the ex’s feelings? agree with the comments that i don’t think he owes his ex anything emotional at this point, but maybe he is being a good guy by trying to protect her feelings, esp if he is the one who broke up with her. one time he texted a guy i was dating from my phone and made a series of strange statements, including a marriage proposal. when he says there’s tension in his living situation, what does he mean? you mean all i have to do is act like a normal good guy? if a guy i go on a few dates with doesn’t give me any reason to believe he’s anything but a stand-up guy, then i’ll trust him.  i really don’t think i would have gotten that reaction if she still had any lingering feelings left.  in a lot of expensive areas ppl will spend their 20’s and sometimes even part of the 30’s renting with roommates so they can afford a down payment.  being the nice guy that he is, he offered to drive them home as they lived close by, not wanting them to lug their groceries home by foot. bfriend and i have discussed it and i explained it is not her presence that makes me uncomfortable it is the past between them.  hey i’ve met this girl, i don’t know what will happen in the future, but i want honesty from the start, so i’d like you to meet her. sure evan perceives him as patient and generous but people like that are usually highly naive and this great quality has draw backs. he agrees the guy in the op’s letter is hiding something and shouldn’t be trusted.  if this were me, and i really like this guy, i wouldn’t make a big deal about it right now.” i’m not treating these guys like i don’t trust them! not telling the ex-gf about his current gf, he is basically saying that he values his ex’s feelings more than his current gf’s feelings. in the meantime, i am enjoying a type of peace and ease in a relationship that i’ve never experienced before. are you ok with the fact that you have crossed someone’s boundaries in this way? he’s treating his ex the way i would hope you’d treat your best friend. i asked him about this and it finally came out that he is living with his ex-girlfriend. my boyfriend and i discussed this and we know we have a beautiful trust worthy relationship. made it to safety outside without having to explain myself. but i will continue to tell my 17 year old niece that she should never let a guy pick her up from her place for a first date, but rather meet him there and to let someone know the who/what/where/when of it.. the fact that he moved on and met someone else is not his ex girlfriend’s business.  i also wonder why op had to dig to get this info. he’s already leaning towards leaving, so it may well work out for you, but if it doesn’t, next time don’t pretend you’re okay with something when you’re not. i trust him 100% so when i go over my boyfriend and i cook our dinner together and watch tv in the lounge and his ex also sits there and she keeps on telling when they were a couple they did this and that and she keeps making eye contact with him which i find akward.  i wouldn’t expect a deadline…that is not realistic and is counter productive.’re going to equate a man you’re dating, someone you might consider falling in love with, with a pest control guy you’ve never met? if you knew his timeline — when he plans to start looking for a new home and when he thinks he can move out — you’d be less lost and confused. may have taken your quote out of context, if that’s the case i apologize. i tried that–all it does is alert him to fact that he needs to be super-careful about hiding his behavior. you are short, fat, older or an asian man, you must read this. because any woman with self-esteem would not willingly live with an ex under the same roof, particularly if he broke up with her. i am surprised by the overwhelming suspicion that he may be involved with his ex, or that something shady is going on. that goes for the pest guy and a man i’m considering dating/having a relationship with. have been in, and witnessed, the “ex factor” more times than i want to remember and in every circumstance the newest person to the equation is the one that got screwed. no woman with high self-esteem, who still has feelings for the guy, will tolerate living in a place where she sees him being with his new lady love., i don’t think the ex is a nurse, i met a couple strippers they live in manhattan rent free!

i will continue to tell my 12-year old nephew not to get in a car with a guy just because he says he needs help looking for his lost puppy.  even if they are broken up, they could be fwb and have sex every once in a while just to release some stress. evidently, when you say he’s a “liar,” you don’t mean that he’s actually lying to the op, but simply not informing his ex-girlfriend that he’s been seeing someone. plus, if he were a liar, he probably wouldn’t have told the op about his situation, much less told her that he hasn’t mentioned her yet.'s something liz gannon might wish she had done, instead of living with her ex-boyfriend for three more months after they split because he couldn't find another apartment he could afford. more than this, if your boyfriend is doing things he shouldn’t, this has a tendency to come out on its own.  all i can say is that the ex-gf must be really pretty.  there is either something wrong with his situation or if i was the ex i would wonder why he felt the need to keep a new girlfriend a secret.  this is one of those situations where amy just has to not get too emotionally attached and get ready to eject sooner rather than later. they forego intimacy for the sake of his niceness to his ex? and because he’s such a nice guy, he’ll let her cry on it.  and why does the current gf gets the burden of knowing about the existence of his ex-gf but the ex doesn’t get the burden of knowing about his current gf?  i also understand respecting the ex’s feelings and not flaunting his new love in front of her. and if i am not starting with full trust, what exactly are you, wendy, doing while you don’t trust me? this is not something that a girl (or a guy—it goes both ways, of course) can know for a fact with 100% certainty if they haven’t even shared a single conversation over a cup of coffee yet. a popular relationship author (wish i could remember his name) tells us that a man proves he is a decent, trustworthy guy (i.. i have dated this guy for about a year and a couple of months.  in conclusion, keeping an ex around (even if you think you’re being ‘helpful’) is selfish. all i said is that if i’m a trustworthy guy and you don’t treat me like i’m trustworthy, i’m out the door. or the guy who understands that living with your ex is purely circumstantial? how long does his ex think he’s going to stick around? let’s assume the ‘best’ – that he does not want to bring another woman over out of politeness and deference to his ex. not give this guy the benefit if the doubt instead of adopting a mistrustful stance in light of a unique situation? you still haven't pointed out any flaws in my logic, although that's a common rant of yours.  we know this bf is hiding his roommate exgf and won’t allow amy to come over to his apt.  if that is all this is, op, a nice guy being nice to an ex, hang on to him. how about the guy who left a flyer in my door last month asking me to leave my housekey under my doormat so he could do a “complimentary home pest inspection? if you truly feel that this will give the guy a “heads up” and make him cover his tracks more carefully, what on earth are you doing with him in the first place? but those of us who’ve been hurt repeatedly shouldn’t be discounted as psychos unworthy of finding love with a decent guy just because we require a little more work to build trust with. doing the same thing again and again while expecting different results is insane, but i shouldn’t have to tell you that. this guy probably gets taken advantage by people all the time.  you can’t have a future with a guy who tells her don’t visit my apartment ever. this problem with this guy might just be the beginning. i wanted that orgasm and not even an ex-wife (a live-in one at that) was going to stop me.  but girls will put up with a lot of ccrap from rich guys they really like. for him to cater to her lack of grace (if he’s catering) — i suppose you could read it as him being a “really” nice guy. up is hard to do, as the song goes, but it's even harder when you've signed a lease or taken out a mortgage with the dreaded ex and find yourself trapped with them once the relationship's done.  i respect the men i dated enough to not carry old relationships into my current one and i expect the same. this is not an exercise of blame, but rather of discovery..  the school of hard knocks has taught me to do this. perhaps he’s just protecting his emotionally fragile ex instead of rubbing her face in the fact that he’s kicking her out and dating someone else. is something i am willing to do for his kids, but for her i reach my limit.  they’re suppose to have moved on and be living separate lives, just sharing space because of economical reasons. blistered-toemy guess is his “ex” is still supporting *him* because he can’t take care of himself. i don’t understand what is so difficult to understand about this concept, especially when you seem to be agreeing with me, except the part about beginning with full trust. gilroy and her boyfriend are still living in the same apartment, despite ending their relationship two months ago. he does this so that while his live in girl is at work he can have sex dates with other women and the place appears like 2 people of the opposite sex living as roomates instead of lovers.

, this sounds to me like a “rich guy/sugar daddy” syndrome.  the guy who married her and “put up with” her mistrust turned out to be a cheating liar (they are now divorced.  i’ve known guys like this, they say ‘oh i haven’t told my ex about you because i don’t want to hurt her, i haven’t gotten around to it yet, etc. it’s been my experience on this blog that you must always have 100% trust with each new relationship or you will get blasted off these pages. i’m not saying that the boyfriend couldn’t be “tougher” with his boundaries. it was like this from the beginning and it just keeps getting better. and her ex are stuck together until their lease runs out, in a little over a month. couples’ counsellor recently told him something that seemed to sink in for him:  that he should view the people in his life as being on a pyramid, with partner/kids at the top, and everyone else down below.  this isn’t children we’re talking about, it’s a grown woman. example, do you have behaviors only men with big issues of their would want to date? i (personally) would never start dating a guy who was still living with his previous partner. i have to defer to my personal experience and will be cautious and alert in my future relationships. for now, we are all trying to interact cordially to make these next few weeks go smoothly. so, amy, would you rather give him an ultimatum to kick her out in the next 30 days, or continue to enjoy this relationship for the next four months, with him sleeping at your place?  so, he is willing to bring this new girl to his apartment, he is just not willing to admit (yes, this is what it is) to the old girlfriend that he is dating out of ‘deference’. my current bf asked to be exclusive 2 weeks after we started dating. live-in boyfriend doesn’t contribute equally to our joint expenses, and i’m starting to resent him. the ex girlfriend then told my boyfriend i feel uncomfortable when she is around and she is around most of the time. the guy who didn’t trust you around your ex? i also pointed to him his exgirlfriend is a trouble maker. of course there will be other factors, but this one common trait in them is telling to me. do i do with a boyfriend who lets his daughter exclude me? but the longer the ex stayed with him, the more that changed until he and her were going on holidays together, going to parties together, and eventually were once again involved. lives with his ex-wife for financial reasons, but there are many questions still unanswered.  if the roles were reversed and the man wasn’t being made to feel “special” and “good” about himself when he was with her and he was having doubts brought on by her actions and behavior, you’d tell him to cut his losses and find someone who makes him feel like number 1. it is physically impossible for this process to take place before it takes place!  i completely understand why an ex may still be co-habitating in some situtions, but once the guy has a new girlfriend their is no way the new girlfriend should have to live like a dirty little secret. people, particularly men, aren’t going to say no to easy sex being offered.’ve been thinking about this post for a few days, because it’s not simple. i have not met his kids yet — because he still lives in the same household as his kids’ mother.  while the participant’s varied on whether or not their own exes should be in their lives while they have a new relationship, everyone who took the survey did not want a partner who still had an ex in their life. she’s a newish, maybe exclusive gf who is mad that the guy she is dating won’t toss his ex out on the street. aniston and vince vaughn famously played a pair of exes stuck living together in 2006's 'the break-up. maybe they are cordial with each other, but again, the ex girlfriend may not care to bother with the new girl.  that’s a long time to be denied entry into his apartment.  needless to say, all of her honest boyfriends wearied of this treatment and would break up with her.  it’s not as if the ex is a child who needs protecting :p. dated a guy once who had his ex living with him at first. i’m glad you are able to re-cast these good samaritan episodes not as him forgetting about you; i will admit i still struggling with being able to put that spin on things. you break up with him because the behaviors he’s exhibiting are making you feel suspicious. the question is whether the relationship with the ex is actually threatening to the relationship. we had wine and coffee, judged each other, she threw around passive-aggressive comments, and it was your basically functional ex-wife/ new girlfriend relationship. if i were op, i would want to know more about the context. "since we knew it was only a temporary situation, we kind of avoided the elephant in the room that we were broken up but still living together. if she gives you the evil eye when you’re there or avoids you when you’re there, you can tell him that she still has feelings and take it from there. and if she has the power to make him want to protect her “emotions” 10-months after they’ve broken up, you don’t think she can manipulate him into having sex with her? the guy in this situation could be the one who ended the relationship, so he may feel callous if he parades the new girlfriend around his ex.

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