Dating a guy who still lives with his exother than him not immediately telling her about his living arrangement (when, exactly, was he supposed to discuss this? i see nothing in op’s letter that indicates that the boyfriend has an inappropriate relationship with his ex, but these short-term situations have a funny way of becoming long-term situations. my mother is like this and frankly it can frustrating to deal with someone who is a ‘bleeding heart’. i would hang back if i was her and be cautious, don’t invest too much in this guy until there is clarity about the ex and how much he wants his new girl in his life."thanks to evan, i finally feel like i'm exactly where i want to be in life. him not telling her about you and making sure you guys don’t run into each other? i am not a fan of those kinds of demands unless the ppl in question are doing something beyond just existing…as in, are you just mad b/c your bf has a close female friend, or is she deliberately cold to you? get it: it’s certainly inconvenient – for both you and him – to have her in his space, but, if your relationship is strong, this arrangement won’t last forever. the guy kicks the woman out of the bedroom so much she has to have a make shift bedroom just to get sleep on the nights he don’t want to recycle her for sex. i’ll take him over the guys i dated before who lived alone–but were jerks, players, etc.. not a psychopath/liar/player) when “he calls when he says he will call,” “does what he says he will do,” “makes an effort,” and “treats you like gold,” all quotes from this same relationship author.” however, after four experiences with seemingly decent good guys that i found out had, in fact, cheated (but only after they told me they were leaving me for someone else), i decided i respected myself too much to be walked on and used again. and if you truly believe this statement that “most men cannot articulate why they’re unhappy in a relationship to that level of detail — they only know they’re stressed and unhappy in a relationship…. i was going to agree with you that him not introducing his new girl to his live-in ex was a huge red flag, but then you gave the example of how you were with your ex, so now i’m thinking maybe the boyfriend is doing the same thing. in this transitional period, i would not introduce a new guy to the ex for several reasons:1. will this ex still be in his life or will he cut her out? in a moment of passion, the least sexy thing to think about is that your boyfriend's wife might come up the stairs. but at the same time, after 6 weeks of dating, no one can determine if this relationship will last any longer. if anything, the way he treated his ex and his desire to have his son stay close made him seem even better to me. on second month, he introduced me to his friends and family. pretty sure this ex didn’t move in after she and bf broke up. do you think he’s capable of “insulting” her by walking away from proferred sex? perhaps his ex knows he is seeing other people, but he finds no reason to have the two meet. are women expected to date men with a lower educational level? apt is amy’s bf’s place, the ex-gf needs to respect his space, not the other way around because she’s living off his good will already. other thing that your argument completely omits is that a good man, the sort of man you would want to be with, when he senses that you trust him implicitly (and here, i am not talking about childilike, naive blindness which is what you describe it as – i am talking about adult trust where you not only trust him to make good decisions, you also trust yourself to know how to act in the face of any situation, and hence you know you’ll be ok) – a good man then strives to earn this trust. at times i get frustrated because i want to be able to go to his house and enjoy those moments together. i am suggesting that every man start with a clean slate, and be judged on his actions within the relationship, not your fears of what might happen. if it’s a red flag for someone not to introduce a girlfriend to their friends why is it not a red flag to avoid telling the live in ex? and if by that time, you still do not think he is worth 100% of your trust, you end it. the boyfriend is clearly wealthy if he can afford to buy a condo in nyc with his salary. am in a similar situation met a great guy we have a fantastic relationship and his ex is now living in a separate room in his house. but i would not be happy with his “maybe by he end of the year” response. he would look through my phone and facebook which he had frequent access to since we were still living together in order to find out who i was seeing. at what point are we allowed to take charge of our own lives, do what we need to do to get to the bottom of it (even if that means snooping or following them), to arm ourselves with enough information to make an educated decision about whether to stay or leave? Facebooktwitterpinterestsmittenreader's dilemma: should i date a guy who still lives with his ex? if the pest guy comes to my house a few times and nothing goes missing, then i’ll trust him. on the whole “nice guy” topic, i’m married to one. knows, maybe you’ll one day be the beneficiary of this gentleman’s extraordinary patience and generosity. while a few men may have cheated on me, almost all of the men that i have dated have done quite well in the communication department and i would never categorize them this way. you can either believe he is a good person and the ex will be out of there in a few months. but i’m not going to trust the ex one bit. but i would definitely want to know what the plan is: is she saving up for a down payment so she can buy her own place (how long is this likely to take), is she hunting for rentals and when one that meets her criteria becomes available she will move or are they both comfortable with the status quo for an indeterminate amount of time? only been 1 month and she’s already planning a ltr with this guy? she violates every rule she instilled about having significant others at their shared home. a lot of guys just don’t want marriage, at least not until after 6 months of dating.!, yes they don’t mind the ex dating someone else, as long they can live for free for a while and oblivious the ex getting sex as a payment, which they don’t care.
15 Guys to Avoid Dating at All Costs | The Huffington Postand before you ask me how i’d like it if a guy did that to me, i’d say bring it on. a good friend of mine right now is oblivious to the fact that his wife has been carrying on an affair for probably a year now (i know the guy she’s seeing, too, and i hate the situation it’s put me in having to watch it all unfold). i have been married 4 years to a guy that makes me laugh almost everyday. i really sensed no jealousy from her whatsoever and she really seemed happy for him that he has a new girlfriend, like any of his other friends. he doesn’t seem like he’d cheat on her–besides, he and his ex are barely even awake at the same time! no one is suggesting you go down a dark alley naked with a rape me sign (except for you in your poorly considered parallels). a relationship author, i took the time to do a survey on the ‘ex factor’ to study how people feel about having exes involved in a current relationship. he must have really loved his ex-gf to allow her to pick his condo at open-houses. are you more likely to believe bob when you ask him if his lawn care service is the best, or 30 reviews that says bob’s lawn care is the best? her ex-husband and kids loved me and were spending a lot of time with me, often leaving her as the outsider. yes, the fact that he cares about his ex-gf is wonderful, but he shouldn’t do that at the expense of his new gf, who should be his future. i don´t like them to be walked all over by everone, their ex-girlfriends, their co-workers, their famiiles etc. the ex can’t do this, then she doesn’t deserve his generosity.@karmic: “you’re going to equate a man you’re dating, someone you might consider falling in love with, with a pest control guy you’ve never met? this new poster isn’t his gf of a year.’ve never given anything to a woman with an expectation of getting something in return. for example, did they all want to be exclusive quickly? it’s happened to me more than once, and as a result, i’m cautious about getting involved with people who still have an ex actively in the picture, unless there are children involved. sometimes it’s slightly at my expense, that’s all. example: once, my husband, then boyfriend, left me in the parking lot of a grocery store for 20+ minutes without any communication., divorce papers were finally signed and supposedly she is moving out in the next month or so. i don’t consider him my boyfriend, only because i don’t feel comfortable saying that he is because of his living arrangement. no one is suggesting he be unkind to the ex, but suggesting that a man or woman keep a new boyfriend/girlfriend a secret is just wrong. so my bfriend and his ex are very good friends but not in a relationship now she is angry and ignore me and does not speak to me when i visit there and my bfriend does not want to choose sides between us. close proximity, and let’s assume as you do, that he broke up with her, don’t you think that she could get a little weepy and vulnerable one night and need his shoulder to cry on. there is a reason why this man did not tell his ex about you and there is a reason why you have never met her., the ex-gf has been living in the apartment for 10+ months. start asking, because you love this man, and it’s time to figure out what’s next. he hasn’t told his ex about his new girlfriend, and there is absolutely no reason for him to do so, if (and only if) she is truly his girlfriend (in his mind), he is over his ex, and she is living there on a roommate basis. they live in a world of fantasy where the right guy always does what you want him to do, and has no previous entanglements that can potentially complicate his life. she doesn't move out this time, i will definitely have to reconsider my relationship with my boyfriend. she can always tell him to look her up when the ex is gone. i really enjoyed that she differentiated that expecting and hoping…"alessandra on breaking the six deadly dating patterns – an interview with dr. continued, and i could smell her cigarette as she smoked on the patio just below the window next to me. most days his nice-guy persona makes me feel lucky, but sometimes i feel like he’s too busy helping everyone else to make quality time for the people who (should) really matter to him. of course it’s inconvenient when a partner has a prominent ex. i think putting it in list form will help lay it all out:While he still had a girlfriend, he expressed interest in dating you. it really is what it is in this case, and i’m ok with it for the most part. then he is either immature or he still has some feelings for the ex. i thank evan for his advice and insight, his reading recommendations, and his encouragement through this process!'s not alone in her predicament — real housewives of atlanta star portia williams recently revealed she and her soon-to-be-ex-husband are also still living together while they sort out their divorce, and fellow bravo reality star vicki gunvalson remained roommates with her ex-husband long after their split. at best, he’s too afraid to of his ex-gf. my current boyfriend was afraid to tell his ex about me because he did not want to hurt her feelings which i did not care much, but after spending one night at his place and him being nervous because she might stop by, i told him that i am not exclusive with him until he talks to her. if this guy really likes this woman, he will make it work out for his “new girlfriend”, not his old girlfriend. as long as he doesn't overtly lie about his intentions, that's fine. i was married, if i ever got a hint that an ex was in the picture i’d move on. at some point this ex will know about you but when is he going to tell her?
i will continue to tell my 12-year old nephew not to get in a car with a guy just because he says he needs help looking for his lost puppy. even if they are broken up, they could be fwb and have sex every once in a while just to release some stress. evidently, when you say he’s a “liar,” you don’t mean that he’s actually lying to the op, but simply not informing his ex-girlfriend that he’s been seeing someone. plus, if he were a liar, he probably wouldn’t have told the op about his situation, much less told her that he hasn’t mentioned her yet.'s something liz gannon might wish she had done, instead of living with her ex-boyfriend for three more months after they split because he couldn't find another apartment he could afford. more than this, if your boyfriend is doing things he shouldn’t, this has a tendency to come out on its own. all i can say is that the ex-gf must be really pretty. there is either something wrong with his situation or if i was the ex i would wonder why he felt the need to keep a new girlfriend a secret. this is one of those situations where amy just has to not get too emotionally attached and get ready to eject sooner rather than later. they forego intimacy for the sake of his niceness to his ex? and because he’s such a nice guy, he’ll let her cry on it. and why does the current gf gets the burden of knowing about the existence of his ex-gf but the ex doesn’t get the burden of knowing about his current gf? i also understand respecting the ex’s feelings and not flaunting his new love in front of her. and if i am not starting with full trust, what exactly are you, wendy, doing while you don’t trust me? this is not something that a girl (or a guy—it goes both ways, of course) can know for a fact with 100% certainty if they haven’t even shared a single conversation over a cup of coffee yet. a popular relationship author (wish i could remember his name) tells us that a man proves he is a decent, trustworthy guy (i.. i have dated this guy for about a year and a couple of months. in conclusion, keeping an ex around (even if you think you’re being ‘helpful’) is selfish. all i said is that if i’m a trustworthy guy and you don’t treat me like i’m trustworthy, i’m out the door. or the guy who understands that living with your ex is purely circumstantial? how long does his ex think he’s going to stick around? let’s assume the ‘best’ – that he does not want to bring another woman over out of politeness and deference to his ex. not give this guy the benefit if the doubt instead of adopting a mistrustful stance in light of a unique situation? you still haven't pointed out any flaws in my logic, although that's a common rant of yours. we know this bf is hiding his roommate exgf and won’t allow amy to come over to his apt. if that is all this is, op, a nice guy being nice to an ex, hang on to him. how about the guy who left a flyer in my door last month asking me to leave my housekey under my doormat so he could do a “complimentary home pest inspection? if you truly feel that this will give the guy a “heads up” and make him cover his tracks more carefully, what on earth are you doing with him in the first place? but those of us who’ve been hurt repeatedly shouldn’t be discounted as psychos unworthy of finding love with a decent guy just because we require a little more work to build trust with. doing the same thing again and again while expecting different results is insane, but i shouldn’t have to tell you that. this guy probably gets taken advantage by people all the time. you can’t have a future with a guy who tells her don’t visit my apartment ever. this problem with this guy might just be the beginning. i wanted that orgasm and not even an ex-wife (a live-in one at that) was going to stop me. but girls will put up with a lot of ccrap from rich guys they really like. for him to cater to her lack of grace (if he’s catering) — i suppose you could read it as him being a “really” nice guy. up is hard to do, as the song goes, but it's even harder when you've signed a lease or taken out a mortgage with the dreaded ex and find yourself trapped with them once the relationship's done. i respect the men i dated enough to not carry old relationships into my current one and i expect the same. this is not an exercise of blame, but rather of discovery.. the school of hard knocks has taught me to do this. perhaps he’s just protecting his emotionally fragile ex instead of rubbing her face in the fact that he’s kicking her out and dating someone else. is something i am willing to do for his kids, but for her i reach my limit. they’re suppose to have moved on and be living separate lives, just sharing space because of economical reasons. blistered-toemy guess is his “ex” is still supporting *him* because he can’t take care of himself. i don’t understand what is so difficult to understand about this concept, especially when you seem to be agreeing with me, except the part about beginning with full trust. gilroy and her boyfriend are still living in the same apartment, despite ending their relationship two months ago. he does this so that while his live in girl is at work he can have sex dates with other women and the place appears like 2 people of the opposite sex living as roomates instead of lovers.
, this sounds to me like a “rich guy/sugar daddy” syndrome. the guy who married her and “put up with” her mistrust turned out to be a cheating liar (they are now divorced. i’ve known guys like this, they say ‘oh i haven’t told my ex about you because i don’t want to hurt her, i haven’t gotten around to it yet, etc. it’s been my experience on this blog that you must always have 100% trust with each new relationship or you will get blasted off these pages. i’m not saying that the boyfriend couldn’t be “tougher” with his boundaries. it was like this from the beginning and it just keeps getting better. and her ex are stuck together until their lease runs out, in a little over a month. couples’ counsellor recently told him something that seemed to sink in for him: that he should view the people in his life as being on a pyramid, with partner/kids at the top, and everyone else down below. this isn’t children we’re talking about, it’s a grown woman. example, do you have behaviors only men with big issues of their would want to date? i (personally) would never start dating a guy who was still living with his previous partner. i have to defer to my personal experience and will be cautious and alert in my future relationships. for now, we are all trying to interact cordially to make these next few weeks go smoothly. so, amy, would you rather give him an ultimatum to kick her out in the next 30 days, or continue to enjoy this relationship for the next four months, with him sleeping at your place? so, he is willing to bring this new girl to his apartment, he is just not willing to admit (yes, this is what it is) to the old girlfriend that he is dating out of ‘deference’. my current bf asked to be exclusive 2 weeks after we started dating. live-in boyfriend doesn’t contribute equally to our joint expenses, and i’m starting to resent him. the ex girlfriend then told my boyfriend i feel uncomfortable when she is around and she is around most of the time. the guy who didn’t trust you around your ex? i also pointed to him his exgirlfriend is a trouble maker. of course there will be other factors, but this one common trait in them is telling to me. do i do with a boyfriend who lets his daughter exclude me? but the longer the ex stayed with him, the more that changed until he and her were going on holidays together, going to parties together, and eventually were once again involved. lives with his ex-wife for financial reasons, but there are many questions still unanswered. if the roles were reversed and the man wasn’t being made to feel “special” and “good” about himself when he was with her and he was having doubts brought on by her actions and behavior, you’d tell him to cut his losses and find someone who makes him feel like number 1. it is physically impossible for this process to take place before it takes place! i completely understand why an ex may still be co-habitating in some situtions, but once the guy has a new girlfriend their is no way the new girlfriend should have to live like a dirty little secret. people, particularly men, aren’t going to say no to easy sex being offered.’ve been thinking about this post for a few days, because it’s not simple. i have not met his kids yet — because he still lives in the same household as his kids’ mother. while the participant’s varied on whether or not their own exes should be in their lives while they have a new relationship, everyone who took the survey did not want a partner who still had an ex in their life. she’s a newish, maybe exclusive gf who is mad that the guy she is dating won’t toss his ex out on the street. aniston and vince vaughn famously played a pair of exes stuck living together in 2006's 'the break-up. maybe they are cordial with each other, but again, the ex girlfriend may not care to bother with the new girl. that’s a long time to be denied entry into his apartment. needless to say, all of her honest boyfriends wearied of this treatment and would break up with her. it’s not as if the ex is a child who needs protecting :p. dated a guy once who had his ex living with him at first. i’m glad you are able to re-cast these good samaritan episodes not as him forgetting about you; i will admit i still struggling with being able to put that spin on things. you break up with him because the behaviors he’s exhibiting are making you feel suspicious. the question is whether the relationship with the ex is actually threatening to the relationship. we had wine and coffee, judged each other, she threw around passive-aggressive comments, and it was your basically functional ex-wife/ new girlfriend relationship. if i were op, i would want to know more about the context. "since we knew it was only a temporary situation, we kind of avoided the elephant in the room that we were broken up but still living together. if she gives you the evil eye when you’re there or avoids you when you’re there, you can tell him that she still has feelings and take it from there. and if she has the power to make him want to protect her “emotions” 10-months after they’ve broken up, you don’t think she can manipulate him into having sex with her? the guy in this situation could be the one who ended the relationship, so he may feel callous if he parades the new girlfriend around his ex.